Out of Oblivion

Chapter 44

The nightmare frightened me out of my sleep. I woke soaking in my own sweat and tears. Swiftly I slipped out of bed, as if the nightmare lived there. I paced the room, trying to catch my breath.

            My feet drug me to the couch, where I sat with my face buried in my hands. When I closed my eyes, the nightmare flashed in the darkness. I threw my head up and kept my eyes opened. The darkness in my room taunted me of the visions, so I hastily turned on every light.

            The nightmare had been much like the ones I had had about Heather; a replay of her death. But instead of Heather being held under gunpoint, it was James. The killer: the Winter Soldier.

            I was sure that being completely ignorant to his whereabouts was far worse than being informed. I decided then that I would go to Director Fury. If anyone knew, it would be him.

            After making myself somewhat presentable, I stormed to his office, not even taking care to make an appointment. The circumstances seemed urgent enough.

            I wrapped on his door and didn’t wait for an answer before barging in. His beady black eyes darted up to me in surprise. “Agent Stanton—“

            “I need to know,” I intruded.

            He sighed, frowning. “This mission is classified, Agent Stanton.”

            I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Anger boiled inside me. “Can I at least know if he’s alright? Don’t I have a right to know that?”

            He didn’t answer and he wouldn’t look at me. A bothersome look bent his face. “You know something, don’t you?” I ventured.

            His black eyes rested on me. There was pity in his gaze. Fear seeped out of my heart and crawled over my lungs like the winter’s chill. “No, Fury…please.”

            “Agent Barnes was declared missing in action a month ago. He must now be declared killed in action.”

            The fear seized my lungs and choked them. I heaved, gasping for air. Painful sobs wracked my body. “No…no…” the words were like venom on my tongue.

            I darted out of Fury’s office, faltering in my steps. I let my weight fall against the wall and I slid down to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my head in my elbows.

            Dark clouds were gathering over my heart, covering every ray of sunshine. I was alone in the dark…forever. I had lost two of my most beloved people in two years. Throwing back my head, I shrieked. In fear. In anger. In grief. In darkness.

           

I buried myself in darkness for three days. I saw no one. I talked to no one. I ate little, slept little, and cried much. Grace and Riley called multiple times, but I gave them no answer.

            The darkness was familiar, but that didn’t seem the right word for it. Familiar things are usually good. This was a pit I had fallen into before, but this time I didn’t know if I’d be able to crawl back out.

            Even in the depths of grief, I knew I couldn’t hide forever. I returned to work, but tried to avoid everyone. Riley overviewed the day’s work and then left me alone. Grace tried to speak to me at lunch, but I shoved her away.

            As I gathered my things to head home, Dylon stopped me in the hallway.

            “I just wanted to say…I’m so sorry for your loss.”

            I nodded curtly and escaped his presence. I caught him stepping towards me, but retracting and turning away.

            My feet dragged me to an old abandoned house. I climbed to the top floor and found myself standing under a hole in the slant of the roof. It was low enough that I could pull myself through.

            I sat on the roof with my elbows resting on my knees and my gaze resting on the fiery splash of color as the sun dipped below the cityscape. My memories danced in my heart, only to be trampled by pain and fear.

            The words that Dylon had spoken poisoned my thoughts. I wiped a lonely tear from my face. “Have I really lost you?” I stammered, as if he could hear me. “Even if I haven’t…would you still love me? After all this time?” Another angry tear slipped down my cheek. “Cause I still love you. And I’ll never forget the moment I realized I did.”