Parts of Me

toxic

He was perfect.
Tall, dark, perfect eyes.
He always bought me the best gifts.
All my favourite snacks, oversized hoodies and bags.
He knew everything about me.
I let him know everything.
I introduced him to my family and he introduced me to his.

Everything was perfect.
I could see him everytime I wanted to.
I was head over heels in love.
I was blinded.
Reality was an illusion.

I would ignore the red flags.
I thought that he was being "cute"
Until I let him go too far.
Deleting social media,
trying to become invisible...
Only for love.
I wanted to protect the relationship.

I loved him.
I gave him my all.
He would play with my mind as if it were a toy.
I used to feel like I was being delusional.
I used to feel like I was overreacting.

Until...
I tried escaping his trap.
I failed dismally,
many were on his side.
I felt empty and alone.
I was always the bad guy.
He made me believe that I was victimizing myself everytime I spoke out.
Insults became a huge part of his vocabulary.
Everytime I tried to leave I was asked
"are you leaving me for other guys?"
And he would call me names.
Names that broke my spirit.

I hate how he is still seen as perfect by my family.
I hated how I would go back and forth with him.
I hated the hold that he had over me.
I hated myself for loving him so much even when he broke me.
Emotionally.

I hate how society overlooks emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is not evident in the same way that physical abuse is, but it does not mean that it does not hurt too.

I feel like a joke whenever I talk about how I was emotionally abused.
I am mostly told things like
"You're being dramatic Rea"
"He didn't mean it that way"

Well, guess what, he broke me.