The Circle

24

I held the note in my hand, reading the words he had written on it a dozen times.

I need a few days for myself

H

A few days for himself? I understood he was processing everything that had happened over the last few week but I just kept feeling like he was shutting me out. And I felt that him shutting me out was making things worse for him in the long run. I grabbed my phone from off the bed where it sat next to me and unlocked it, scrolling to my favourites and hesitating over the call button under his contact. I didn't know if he'd answer and I also didn't know if calling him would push him away more. I knew nagging him wasn't going to make the situation any better and there was no way aside from being there I could help him deal with his grief. That was something he had to tackle for himself. I sighed and locked my phone before throwing it back on the bed beside me. The sound of the baby crying drew me out my thoughts and back to reality. The reality that even though Harry needed some time I still had to take care of a newborn and two other children while attempting to act as if everything was fine.

I tended to Marley, changing her nappy and her outfit before feeding her and praying my older kids stayed asleep for at least another hour. But alas, no such peace was to be found as the sound of Marley crying must've woken Joey and Jamie who clambered out of their rooms and demanded breakfast, claiming they were both starved and hadn't eaten in "what felt like hours".

Delivery for breakfast seemed like the easiest thing in the world and days like this I thanked modern technology for the ability to have 3 orders of pancakes delivered within a half hour. After breakfast was devoured and morning cartoons were put on, Sian joined us to take Marley from me for a little while so I could shower and get ready for the day. But what was I getting ready for exactly? A morning of staring at my phone wondering if Harry would call and say he'd had enough alone time and was on his way home? I pushed those thoughts out of my head and took a shower, taking my time with getting ready for the day, planning a fun outing downtown for my kids.

As I went down the fill everyone in on my plan Sian was packing up a bag and putting Marley in her pram making me stop in my tracks.

"I figured you'd want some alone time with Harry," Sian said, giving me a knowing look. "There's a kids carnival in Victoria today I thought would be fun to take them too."

"Mum! We're going to a carnival!" Joey exclaimed.

"I can't wait to have all the sweets," Jamie agreed excitedly. Even Marley was babbling in her pram. How could I say no?

"Sounds lovely, Sian, thanks." I mumbled and turned back to head up the stairs.

"Should be back around 6 at the latest!" Sian called on her way out the door.

I glumly glanced at my watch when I got to the top of the stairs. It was only half ten in the morning. What was I going to do for the next seven and a half hours?

I scrolled through my phone for a good half hour before getting distracted by finding recipes on Pinterest for Harry to make for me. Harry... I missed him.

No.

I wasn't going to call him.

Instead I did what any normal person would do. I called my ex.

"Georgia? To what do I owe the pleasure?" Louis asked on the other line.

I choked back a sob I had been holding in my throat. "I was just seeing if you could keep me company today."

He sighed on the other end. "Did you and Harry have a fight?"

I drew in a deep breath, trying not to cry. "No, he left me."