It was another Friday afternoon when I decided to visit Grande's Building for another petty excuse. I just really want to see Bella today.
It's been days since the last time I saw her.
"Good morning, architect!"
My eyebrow arched with that.
I didn't expect bumping to this familiar guy in the elevator. He is on a light blue poloshirt with the company's logo, probably their uniform. He is the one who seems very close to Bella.
I scoffed silently. He doesn't look special to me.
"Morning," I greeted back cooly.
"Saan po kayo, architect?" He asked again. Nakaamba syang pipindot ng numero para sa tamang floor na pupuntahan.
"What's your name?" I asked instead, blocking his question.
Hindi ko rin naman alam kung saang floor pupunta. I didn't know where Bella is.
He cleared his throat. "Ah, Winston De Vega po," he answered proudly.
I just nod with that. Winston, huh.
"Where's Isabella?" I asked shamelessly. Halata ang gulat sa mga mata nito. Wala na ang confidence sa mga mata, napalitan na ng pagkalito. Ramdam ko rin ang kanyang namumuong kaba.
"Uhm, bakit po?"
I creased my forehead to prove a point. Why does he need to know my reason, hm?
"Si Bella Maceda ba, architect? Iyong nagpresent dun sa meeting nyo?"
I didn't move. Tinitigan ko lamang sya. He doesn't seem like the boyfriend to me.
"Ah! Nasa cafeteria po ata, architect. Break po kasi," he finally answered after an awkward laugh.
So they aren't together during breaks.
With that, I nod. "Thanks," I said lowly.
I made a conclusion that he is not Bella's boyfriend. He's probably just a close friend. He looks nice, that's probably why. Noon pa man, napapansin ko na mas nagiging malapit sya sa mga lalaki kaysa sa mga babae. I've only seen her with Hazel and a few acquintances from the higher levels because of Hale.
Sakto ay ang pagbukas naman ng pinto ng elevator. He went out of it stiffly. I just smirked when he nodded as his farewell.
I didn't get my supposed talk with Bella that day. Although I found her in the cafeteria and dine outside, iwas sya sa akin. I actually understand. I can't expect her to be open and carefree around me after what happened. I clearly understand her hesitations. I'm a little suprise that she let me dine with her and eventually have decent light conversations. Atleast, that's an improvement. She won't anymore act as if we don't know each other.
Since she's within my reach again, it became a constant struggle to stop forcing myself to her. I badly want to explain my side already. Everyday, I can't help but think of different ways on how I can have a conservation with her which will eventually lead us on that dreadful topic. Hindi naman kasi pwedeng pala akong magpunta sa building nila. It will be unusual to personally visit their building just for the sake of our contract's progress.
I sighed. I'm almost done with all the papers that needed my signature. I clicked my neck and rest my eyes for a while. It is already a long tiring day yet it is not yet done.
"Calix."
I was so preoccupied that I didn't even notice someone coming inside my office.
"Ma," I recognized. She's on her usual formal dress, seems like she'll be out with her friends again.
Inayos ko ang aking upo.
"How are you, son?" She asked softly. Kusa na syang naupo sa upuan sa harap ng aking lamesa. I stood up to give her a quick kiss on her cheek.
"I'm good, Ma. Is everything alright?"
"Yes. Napadaan lang ako. I just came from my annual check ups."
Tumango- tango na lamang ako. She's been doing well ever since her successful operation. She is slowly getting back on her track.
"Are you done with work? Can we have our dinner together later, anak? Nagpareserve na ako doon sa bagong bukas na restaurant. Your tita Louisa recommended it, they serve great food daw."
"Sure, ma. Tapusin ko lang 'to."
I can't say no to her.
She smiled at me.
During those moments when I almost lose her, I can't help but go back to those times when I took my time with her for granted. I wasn't a best child. I don't want to regret everything in the end. She's been through a lot. I can't help but spoil her especially now that she's been really open. Ayoko nang maulit ang nangyari noon. Inilihim nya ang pagkakasakit kaya halos mahuli na ng mabigyan sya ng pansin. While fighting against cancer, she suffered from despression, too. She was feeling sick and alone. We all suffered because of that. I can't help but blame myself, too. I wasn't there for my mom. I was lost and regretful.
"Anak," tawag nyang muli.
I looked at her, waiting for more of what she's going to say.
"Have you talked to Bella, already?" She asked cautiously. "I want to invite her for another dinner, too. You see, I want to apologize, son. Alam ko naman na—"
Here we go again. I didn't let her finish.
"Ma, you don't have to do it. It was not your fault. It was my choice. Let me fix this, okay?" I said sternly, putting emphasis to almost every word.
I might still be regretful for what I did but with Isabella this time, I'm certain that I'm not lost anymore. I have regained myself. I know what I want and I will work for it. I regret it so I will make up for it.
"But, son, I'm sure she will understand your situation better if I explain it myself. I will help you. Nagawa mo lang iyon dahil sa akin."
No, mom. I could have done things better. I could have talked to Bella. Hindi na lang iyong biglang nawala. I'm already lost, I should have not let her be lost as well because of me. I'm damn sure she will understand my situation that time.
Napapikit ako.
"Hindi, ma. I don't want her thinking that I am using you as my excuse. There's no better justification for my actions. Alam ko namang mali. I will talk to her because she deserves to know what really happened, no excuses for all my choices before."
I sighed. Ayokong isipin ni Bella na sinusubukan kong lumusot sa lahat ng maling desisyong nagawa ko noon. Hindi ako magpapaliwanag sa kanya para magmalinis. Magpapaliwanag ako dahil iyon ang tamang gawin, iyon ang tamang simula sa paghingi ng patawad at pangalawang pagkakataon. I want her to see that I recognize and regret my mistakes. I've changed for the better. I have grown.
Tumango- tango na lamang ang ina. Hindi na nagsalita pa. I'm tired of explaining myself, too. I'm reserving all the talking to Bella.
"If that's what you think is the right thing to do, then I'll let you, son." She sighed in defeat.
I seriously nodded at her.
"Hintayin na lang kita sa lobby, anak."
Tango lamang ang naging tangi kong sagot sa ina. My mind's already clouded with thoughts about Isabella.
