Technical Difficulties (Brother's Conflict)

Chapter 24!

Mei and Ema watched as the twins shared their touching moment, though Mei would probably be basing some sort of manga interaction in the future off of their whole forehead touch slash pinky swear combo. Azusa headed inside to call his manager, Mei urging Ema to do the same.

"Huh? But what about.."

"We've been out in the cold for a while and you're wearing less layers, go ahead and make yourself some tea to make sure you don't get sick or anything." Ema nodded a bit hesitantly, but went inside anyway.

Tsubaki turned to Mei with a smile after that, "Is she wearing Natsume's scarf?"

Mei had to stifle a full blown laugh, "How'd you know?"

"The pattern, it's something I would pick out and she definitely didn't get it from Azusa with how tense things just were." Mei just laughed a bit more, knowing he was right. "Hey, wanna come along for my pity party? I happen to be planning on yet another lovely walk."

"As long as we actually make it back to the condo, I'll be happy to accompany you." With that they set off to a park, Mei deftly following after him since she had no idea which path was which the second they got there. They reached a point where there was a railing overlooking a bit of a lake, the stars clearer in the sky since they were pretty far away from the roads.

"To be honest, I'm really disappointed. It's always been like this, I would start something and drag him with me, only for him to end up as the better one in the end. Even though we're supposed to be the same...I really do believe it though, that Azusa is the better actor. But that's the worst part, because I know that so well. I don't have to be told that he's better than me for the role, I already knew it."

There was nothing for Mei to say to him as she looked at his shaking form, she wasn't any better. You can't help but compare yourself to them, be jealous of what they have and what they gain, to the point where you can't see any worth of yourself from underneath all of the worries that pile up. Then guilt sets in, for being jealous of someone who smiles at you lovingly like you're one of the biggest parts of their world and they could never think wrongly of you. Then you sink deeper because of it, a never ending cycle of self hatred that will always end with you being the one hurt.

"Hey, remember earlier when your sister said she likes Azusa's voice? What about you?" He had a look in his eyes, he knew that he was fishing for compliments but at the same time wouldn't believe a word she said in his state of mind.

"I think that comparing yourself to Azusa is just as ridiculous as comparing me and my sister's tastes in voice actors, neither of us know what we're talking about." He grinned lightly at her way of getting around the question, "But if you really must know, it was the first time I felt even slightly moved by a zombie game and if it hadn't been you and Azusa, it wouldn't have happened. I'm sure there's a role out there just for-"

Then he kissed her, there wasn't any warning or preparation for Mei. It was all so sudden, one moment looking slightly away from his sad eyes and the next his face wasn't even an inch from her's, their lips locked together. He'd pulled her closer at some point, with her hands practically gripping onto the coat he was wearing as though to assure herself what was happening was real, that this wasn't some sort of odd hallucination caused by lack of sleep. He pulled back, Mei's face completely coated in a blush that not even Nageki had ever been able to get out of her.

"Sorry, but you know the best thing for a depressed boy to get back on his feet is a kiss from a cute girl." She didn't respond, in fact she was sure she hadn't even processed the words he said until much later that night when the kiss was still filling her thoughts. Then, once again he leaned in, this time his arms sliding around to her back, holding her flush to his chest and practically sweeping her off her feet in their height difference. All she could focus on was the feeling of the tips of her toes scuffing the pavement as she tried to re-balance herself and the feeling of his heart hammering in his chest underneath her hand.

The kiss itself, she didn't remember much of. It was almost like her mind didn't want to focus on it at all as her eyes slid closed and her other senses heightened. Maybe that was her last assurance, that somewhere she still knew it was wrong to kiss him or to return those affections. Just like on the train when she'd been worried for Ema, she didn't want this and her brain knew that even if her body was still confused.

He pulled away again, holding her to his chest for a bit longer. A numbness was spreading through her hands where they were resting on his chest, not in the sense that they had been out in the cold for too long but more so that it seemed like her body was catching up with how she felt. She hadn't wanted to kiss him, she was certain that was not how she had wanted her first kiss to go. And now, flush to his chest after letting him kiss her twice, she was reminded of that numbness, caused by the physical feeling of feeling no warmth beneath her palms, only the texture of his jacket. But more than that, there was no comfort there, unlike the arms of the person who had dragged her out of a numbness much deeper than just a lack of temperature.

It dawned on Mei, as he slowly pulled away from her with a desperate look still in his eyes, that the only thing she could feel right now, was guilt.

I have hatred for this chapter and the one to follow bc bby deserves better and im s o r r y