"Come on Chloe, it's time to get up." Carsten says as he gives me another shove. In response I roll over, pulling my blanket over my head. I don't want to leave my bed.
It's been a few weeks since the party and for the most part everything has been going smoothly. I continue to grow closer to each of my friends, but in particular Nash. We have been training together almost every night. I can't deny that I'm really enjoying my time here.
"I'm sick." It's not a complete lie, I feel completely drained, sad, and extremely anxious. I want nothing more then to stay in bed, there's no way I could go to school.
"Are you for real?"
"Yes! Please Carston, I just don't feel good," his gaze softens and he nods his head, leaving the room.
I pull my legs up to my chest so I'm laying in the fetal position. I want these feeling to go away. I know I'm being unreasonable and I know there's nothing wrong but I'm so anxious that I feel like I could throw up. Mixed with the anxiety is an overwhelming force of sadness. It's almost like I could be back at the night we found out about the accident. I rarely have days like this anymore, I have been getting a lot better.
Oh how I miss my brother.
I miss my mom.
I miss my old life.
I want to go back in time to when everything was normal.
I let out a loud sob and tears roll down my cheeks. I lay there crying probably for a good hour. I can't stop.
I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.
None of this is right.
When the tears finally start to slow down I try to take some deep breaths but it's not really helping. I don't know what to do. I sit up, pushing the blankets off of me. I start to pace the room. Maybe a shower would help calm me down .
I stumble into my bathroom, pulling off my clothes. I turn on the shower and step in. I don't even have the energy to stand, I slide down and sit underneath the water, trying to focus on the water hitting my body.
After a while I finally get out of the shower. I slip on a pair of shorts and a sports bra. Stepping out of the bathroom and back into my room I scream as I notice someone sitting on my bed.
"What the fuck?" I yell.
"You weren't at school so I came to check on you," Nash explains. I start to pace the room again. It's like I'm full of energy but no motivation. Nash's eyes follow my movements. "Carsten said you're sick."
"I don't feel good," I agree.
I don't understand why he came to check on me.
"What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" I stop pacing. "I hate this. I hate this feeling. I hate that I'm like this!"
"Like what?" His voice is calm.
"Like...like I'm weak. Like I can't control my own stupid feelings. God, Nash, I'm so sad all of the time. I was happy before and I want that back. I want it so bad. I want to go home."
YOU ARE READING
Finding You
Teen FictionChloe Silver is your average teenage girl. Who happens to be into fighting, boxing to be specific. She's been in training her whole life, it was all she ever wanted to do. At the end of her junior year her oldest brother dies. Heartbroken and desper...
