so do u guys know about chloe ting? so i'm currently doing the flat tummy challenge and since the weather is getting warmer, i'm starting to feel more annoyed every time i'm doing workouts.
so today i had to do a lower abs workout and a HIIT workout. so the lower abs workout like ruined my night. i literally have no lower abs and my back will go
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which is annoying bc then my back will fart. anyways, it ruined my day bc i am so upset rn like every time i'm doing a lower abs workout i'll fail and then i'm working on the upper abs which i'm not trying to work on if i'm doing a lower abs workout. so after that, i did the HIIT workout.
okay so fact: i have stretch marks i did karate when from 2013-2015. but i was like 7 or smth when i stopped. the reason is because the teacher was so strict, he didn't even let us go to the toilet during the lesson. so i stopped. after that, there was a time i did n o t h i n g. no sports, no activities, nothing. i ate and sat on my chair and played moviestarplanet, roblox, watched youtube etc etc. i had no fitness life anymore. i started to gain weight and as fast as it did i became f a t. ugh i hate that word. i didn't even realize tho. i was in elementary school at the time, with the same friends as i had since forever, so there was no one to compare myself to. i also had good friends from which i know they would never judge me by appearance, because they know better. but once i went to middle school... there was one guy going to the same school as me and i saw him as my best male friend but apparently we didn't share the mutual feelings, but that's another story anyways, the kids in my school were literally models and jesus they had just a very nice posture okay. i quickly realized: i am fat. i hated myself and got into a depression. i made a best friend that year but these bitches don't stay for too long. she didn't even support me through my depression. she was always saying "depression can only be confirmed after 2 years" i thought she was right which made me more upset because i was saying things which weren't even a fact so i was wrong. fact: i hate to be wrong, like that's my weakness. anyways, i was just a mess. i knew i should do something about my health and stuff. my family was also not kinda supportive. like yes we were all a bit fat but we still had a healthy weight and bmi and stuff. (okay my YOUNGER sister is thin and i'm jealous :"( ) i wasn't even thinking about eating cleaner and working out because i was lazyyy. DISCLAIMER: i went to the mcdonald's every. fucking. week. it became a tradition or something. in the last years of elementary school, i was at least jogging on sundays, but i stopped after the summer, because homework went from none to a lot. it took all my time and i was bad at planning so i did everything last minute. (wait did i say bad at planning? sorry i meant i wasn't even fucking planning my time)
anyways, i got more upset and ate my feelings away and gained fat because i didn't do sports.
until i got myself in this school year. i finally became aware of things, like myself, but also things around me. i finally started realizing for real that "i had to do something about my heath. i will stop living if i continued like this, i'll only be existing" (play ZOMBIE by DAY6) but, u maybe guessed it or not, i had no time :/
[update: boiz i took a shower with music and that made me feel much better since it was like cheer up music :3 and i feel like i washed the bad happenings off]
anyways, let's continue with the story: i had no time to do anything i want. yk, i wanted to learn dance or badminton or sing for the longest time, but since i also hAd nO tImE at elementary school, my wish never got fulfilled. tbh with you, i had time. once my parents literally searched dancing up so i cOulD attend to dancing classes, but there was written like "to 12 year olds" and i was 12 by that time. sigh. for the other things i wanted to do, MY PARENTS just told ME i had no time. i mean bro i can make time but since i have nothing to do i can only fill my time with homework and roblox. i heard that u can get slimmer by dancing so once i asked my mom if i can learn dancing by going to dance classes. she said "ask your father and make time for it" i could, but once i asked my dad: "u have no time to attend to after school classes" and that was a period. pls take note that my father isn't rude he was trying to point out a untrue fact and i just make my parents seem rude in the story i'm sorry mom and dad if u ever see this know that i do love you but i'm just a bit disappointed.
so i was basically only eating for a year without doing sports. i was eating not the healthiest either... until, as i mentioned before, this school year. but my only problem was: i had no time. then corona came 🥳 i started with 250 squats everyday and some 10-minutes stretch. i slowly started to lose weight, just like 0,1 kg per week. at one moment, i started following chloe tings "abs in 2 weeks" video. my weight started to drop a little more and i had actually no problems with the workout, bc my mf ass was doing it wrong (i still do i guess sigh) anyways, at one moment, when i started following my first program, i realized the problem and did research to fix it.
so then, 12 days ago, i started doing my third program with chloe ting; the flat tummy challenge. well there was a lot lower abs workouts, that's what i can tell you. i'm doing it wrong every time and every time it makes me upset. i just don't have lower abs and that is kind of the reason why my belly is staying the same as it was every week ago.
yes i did research but it doesn't work because i don't have fucking lower abs.
anyways. it's summer. it's getting warmer. humans, including me, are starting to wear shorter things. i i feel fucking fat. what am i talking about, i am
i have stretch marks on my knees (weirdly enough) and i know people won't see them but my eyes do.
it's so annoying. i think i should make my own meals since it is 80% about nutrition and 20% about exercises so i better start eating better and less than i already did. yes i ate BIG portions before, but i didn't snack, but i still ate a lot. i limited myself now to only eating the minimum of food i need for my day. just right on that line where i am full enough to survive. but i don't think this is good actually, because there is still a lot of oil in my meals and i actually don't want that. i should make my own meals...
okay disclaimer: do u even know how much i want anorexia for my birthday? but my body don't want to give it to me since i really enjoy food. sad life, sigh.
-- okay that's it for now. this was another story of my life, hope u didn't enjoy it since it is a quite sensitive topic and i don't enjoy it as well i'm still fat no one can beat me with this so u better stfu >:[
written 19-06-2020 posted 20-06-2020 word count: 1375!!
