Over Seas Lover // l.s

Nine

The world works in amazing ways. It's amazing that with just the right doctor, the most amazing kids, and a loving, supporting husband how easily it is to overcome obstacles in life.

As I sat across from my "cancer doctor," I feel sick to my stomach, like there is more bad news coming my way. How worse can the situation get? On top of the cancer and thousands of dollars of debt, what else is there?

Then he spoke three words that I thought I might never hear, "you're cancer free."

All it took where those three words to put me into tears. Harry squeezed my hand, "you did it. God, you did it baby," Harry spoke. He leaned over the arm of his chair to kiss me sweetly, tears in his eyes.

There was nothing I could do but smile, over three years of having pancreatic cancer and it was finally over. Two surgeries and several sessions of chemotherapy proved successful and I couldn't be more happy.

"With that said, we will just have to do six month check ups to make sure the cancer doesn't come back. For now, you may walk out of here and enjoy the rest of your day because you're cancer free," the doctor spoke. I grinned at him and then stood, taking Harry's hand so we could leave and go home to our three sweet children.

.

When we arrived home, all three of them tackled us, pulling us into the living room, "is da-da better? Is he all done being sick?" Nate asked.

"Of course he's better. The doctors killed all the bad germs," Lillie commented.

"Da-da, are all da germs bye-bye?" Jace questioned.

Harry and I laughed. I picked up Jace, considering he was the smallest and bounced him on my hip. Harry picked up Nate and carefully tossed him on to the couch, making sure not to break my baby boy or anything else for that matter. Then Lillie was begging for her turn so Harry did the same thing. Then all of us were in fits of giggles and finding it hard to breath after a while.

"Yes, da-da's better," Harry finally said. His smile reached his eyes and they crinkled at the sides and he brought me closer to his side as the kids jumped around us, chasing each other around the living room. I grinned back at him, snuggling closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"God, I love you," I said loud enough so only Harry could hear.

"I love you too, my gorgeous husband," Harry replied. He then held me a little tighter, as if I might leave him in that moment and he had to hold on to me.

This was the life I had always dreamed of. A life where I was happily married with kids running around teasing each other. A life where I could just appreciate moments with the love of my life and have our love grow and grow. A life where I found the one and we learned to love each other a little more every day.

All my dreams were coming true, with a few exceptions here and there. But everything as all falling into place and I knew in my heart that I would hold on to these memories forever.

Then everything seemed to take a turn for the worst.

Just a few months after I was diagnosed cancer free, Harry got laid off when the company went bankrupt and thousands had to leave work.

He came home one night, tossing his coat onto the couch, eyes staring at his feet, "honey, I've got some bad news," he spoke. But he didn't need to tell me what because I had already got the call.

I rushed over to him and hugged him tight. I gave him a kiss and then spoke, "it's okay. I'm right here by your side and we can make this work. I'll go job hunting. I saw that the local diner is hiring, maybe I could work there."

Harry frowned, "I don't want to see you put aside your dreams. I can work. I'll find another job."

"Harry, this is our family. Right now my dreams don't matter, they serve no importance. We need to focus on the kids and getting our bills paid off." 

Slowly things were shifting and I knew an argument was coming. 

"But I can get a new job. I'll just look in the ads tomorrow. You stay here and you focus on your writing. I'll provide for us."

"You don't have to be the main provider, Harry!" I exclaimed, losing my temper, "maybe I actually want to do something for the family."

Harry was taken aback. This wasn't something I had mentioned with him, but only something I had thought of.

"I-I just thought that you wanted to stay home and write, focus on your novels," he said quietly.

"Oh please, Harry. I haven't written a word to those stories. I've been running around taking care of Nate's appointments and Lillie's dance practices and Jace's daycare. I've been home, but having to make dinner, put the kids to bed, read books when they can't sleep. I haven't found the time to write at all. Just let me actually do something beside change the sheets and put clean ones on." 

"I never knew you felt this way," Harry spoke.

"Well, you're never home to sit down and talk with!" I yell.

Suddenly Harry snapped, "well, I'm sorry that I'm out working trying to pay off all of your treatments! I'm so sorry that I have to work at a job that pays hardly anything in order to keep this roof over our heads. My bad, I guess I shouldn't have taken those extra hours in order to make a few extra dollars to pay off Nate's medical bills, or Lillie's dance classes, or daycare for Jace! I'm sorry that I was never home, alright. I get that. I know I worked long days, but believe me that it was all to better you and the kids. I never meant to stay away from you or avoid you. That was never case."

"You could have at least come to Lillie's performance. She was so beautiful and you missed it. Do you know what it's like to have to tell your daughter that daddy isn't coming? That daddy can't make it because he has to work? It was one night, Harry. One fucking night and you couldn't take it off. I'm not even going to tell you about all the nights I had to call Zayn to come and help me because I just couldn't do it on my own. I just couldn't."

"Well good to see that Zayn makes a better husband than me. Maybe you should have married him instead!" Harry yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

I spoke, my voice quiet, "don't you even say that. Don't you fucking say that. You know very well that I would do anything for you. I love you to the moon and back a million times over. And I think you are the best dad and husband anyone could ever ask for, so don't you even say that."

"Well you sure are making me feel like I'm just the worst husband ever," Harry said.

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself down, "I'm sorry that was rude of me. I should have thought about everything you've been doing for me, for the kids. I'm ungrateful for how well you treat us and give us everything we could ever want and need." 

"I'm sorry for not being home in order to talk to you and truly listen to what you have to say. I'll work  on that," Harry apologized, "I don't have to sleep on the couch tonight, do I?" 

I laughed and shook my head, "you don't have to sleep on the couch tonight. Actually, I think we can have a little bit of fun tonight," I said, tugging on Harry's tie. He bent down to kiss me and soon enough we were up the stairs and in bed.

"Thank God the kids are at grandma's," Harry laughed.