𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 ⁽ᴶᵒᵗᵃᴷᵃᵏ⁾

𝓀𝓎𝓊𝓊

"Mom! I'm home!" Kakyoin calls out but nobody answers. His house is so quiet, it's never like this before. His mom usually switch the television on even she's not watching it or at least turn up the volume of the radio.

He goes futher in his house, the living room is all mess, it's almost like a robbery happened a moment ago.

No sign of blood, nothing is lost. It just too messy. His heartbeat become faster, his blood rushing through his body, his hands slightly trembling. Where is his mother? Why is no one at home? Why his home is so soundless and disorganized?

"Mom! Where are you?!" He greets by silence, he run towards the kitchen only to found his mom there, standing and staring blankly at their backyard. He heave a sigh, at least his mother is safe. Slowly walk towards his mom's direction.

His voice come out carefully, "hey mom?" He stops his pace immediately, his heart aches when he saw his mother. The remaining tears still flowing on her cheeks. She smiles weakly at him. "They were here, Noriaki." Her voice sounds weak, probably because she was tired of crying.

Kakyoin hugs her from behind, "it's okay mom, I'm here, everything is fine now." He says soothingly. He knows very well that his mother needs someone to comfort her, he is trying his best to make her feels at ease.

Who were his mother meant by "they"? Why his mother is crying? What exactly happened to their house? Every second passed, new questions popping up in his mind but he knows that now is not a right time to ask.

Everything becomes more calming after a while, Kakyoin even asks his mother to rest while he clean up the mess at the living room.

Taking care of his mother always will be his priority. He almost feels mad at himself because he was not there when they came here. He should have been there when his mother need him.

When he was a kid, about 7 years old. His parents were always busy with work, went to other countries for business. Leaving him behind because "you are still a kid, you will be a burden if you follow us" and force him to live with his uncle.

Everything was fine at first until one thing happened, he's still not sure what the real reason is but his uncle becoming more and more abusive every single day.

He was always talking alone and distanced himself from others, some says he was crazy and too imaginative for a kid his age. In fact, he just don't want to be anyone's burden. He just don't want people to know his secret because it will be too troublesome.

That rumor somehow tainted his father's name in business. With that, they began to lose their trust in their own son.

Though he repeatedly tried to tell them about his uncle's actions toward him, they keep ignoring him and consider it one of the "child's trick so he can follow us going abroad"

Even though he was too young to understand the problems that plagued his family, he was still able to recognize them, his father is in debt.

Luckily for his parents, his uncle was kind enough to help them probably gaining more trust from them but it's only fortune for his parents, not him.

He was living in hell, every single day waking up beaten, tortured, forced to do something he don't want to. He feels like ending his own life several times before but he knows he is alive for a reason and promising to himself that until the reasons not fulfill, he will continue living no matter what happen.

Growing up with such an abusive person really does teach him to be more mature than he should be. When his mother come back to him, he can sense something bad happened between his mother and father almost immediately.

He was not sure what to feel that time, should he be angry or should he be happy about it? He admits, he's actually glad that his mother still remember him but he still can't accept the fact that his mother never ask about him even once before.

The memories bring nothing but pain. It's too painful for him to recall. It feels like he being trapped in his own prison once again. The voices in his head come back after a long time, he don't want this.

He takes a deep breath, sit on the edge of his bed trying so hard not to remember unnecessary things. "It's nothing. Fight them. You can do it, Noriaki. Come on, forget it forget it for-" Kakyoin murmurs to himself. The tears begin to pooling in his eyes, makes it look glassy. Beautiful yet full of pain behind in gaze.

He slumps himself on the bed. He feels lonely. He feels empty. "No one will accept you." "You are worthless" "Your friends are not even real" "You are just a burden" The words keep repeating in his mind, he don't want to listen to it but it's getting louder and louder everytime.

He tries to keep his breath steady, it's already become shallow and rapid. He clench his fists until his knuckles turn white. He bite his lips, trying to distract himself from the "demon voices".

He can taste his own blood from doing it but the voices are still here not even once stop try to break him, fuck him up, change him.

Feeling nervous, restless and his body become tense. The dizziness is killing him, he's been sweating profusely. He feels hot even though it's cold around him. It feels like he is drowning in a boiling water, it's too unbearable.

Being aware of himself trembling so much makes him feel weak, useless, worthless. "Kakyoin, you're the most perfect you there is. You're not worthless. You are amazing. You're enough." A very familiar voice being echo in his ears so suddenly, whispering words of encouragement repeatedly.

Calming down, the voices slowly fades away into silence. "Jotaro." It's Jotaro's voice. It's him, he always there for Kakyoin when he feels like killing himself, when he feels down, when he feels lonely even before they met. In exhaustion, he finally dozing off.

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This chapter turns out shorter than my expectations lol

I'm sorry I'm not good in describing panic/anxiety attack but this is based from my own experience
anyway byebye!

Thank you and see you again!