Blue's Book Reviews and Graphics

Book Review: Silver Sun Institute by @Liquid_Starlight

I think I am going to abandon the system I usually use and just go for it. I felt that this way I would be able to help you much more this way. I will be harsher in this review than normal so that this way I help you. I am going to abandon the point system as well.

I will no longer sugarcoat my words and say it exactly as it is. This is NOT hating, just constructive criticism. You asked or a review and that is what you're gonna get. I will still do the other pointing system, but It won't really matter much

Liquid_Starlight_

Things I liked

- I really liked Pearlah's name

- the cover is amazing

- I like your story and where it is headed from the few chapters I read

- Did I mention I really liked Pearlah's name?

Things I disliked/mistakes I found

I might be doing a lot of nitpicking, but hopefully, I do not discourage you. I am only trying to point out some mistakes I found. Most of them are repetitions.

- the entirety of the prologue is sort of pointless. You could have introduced that as the story moved forward. It was a whole lot of telling when you could have shown it throughout the story. For example, the part where the MC talks about the heartbreaking boyfriend, you could have introduced it in the story. In a conversation the MC has

- the purpose of a prologue is to be a flashback that is relevant, but not important to know. You've used it to introduce the MC rather than having that done naturally in the chapters

- in the first part of chapter one, the line "Dr. Anderson spoke to whoever" is incorrect. It should be said.

- the opening of ch 1 is pointless. It is used to tell that Pearlah's brain works weird. It can easily be introduced through showing later on

- you have used commas and periods incorrectly many times. Maybe use a grammar checker before uploading it to Wattpad. Grammarly and Hemingway Editor are good tools to use.

- you shouldn't use numbers in novels. Use the word form

- the little part about IDD in chapter one seems a little off. The delivery is odd. It is a whole lot of telling rather than showing. It is so rushed and off. The writing needs more depth

- the part where the doctor is like "It is completely harmless, yadda yadda yadda," he typed into the computer. That is incorrect dramatically. It could be: He read off his computer screen, reciting the words he'd typed in seconds ago. (Something along those lines)

- that same para reads difficult. I had to re-read it twice to get what you were saying

- you have a space between the first quotation marks and the dialogue. It should not be there.

- I might be nitpicking, but your use of punctuation is incorrect in many places. Again, you should put it through a grammar checker first.

- the first chapter was a little hard to read with all the breaks (***) and the misuse of grammar. Also, your writing style is a little hard to decipher. Consider showing more than telling.

- the chapters read a little bland. I feel like I am watching your characters from a distance. I need to be able to connect with them and feel that they are real. Put more depth into your writing.

- the first four paragraphs of chapter 2 are unnecessary. It was already implied in chapter 1 (regarding the special gift thing. I could already tell that the eye color change was special.). For the part where you TELL us about Pearlah and her narcissism and pride, you could have shown that through her actions

- "their cold hands just as cold as hers." That line reads weird. Try: "The bite their cold hands gave did nothing to her cool palms." (IDK I'm not an author)

- use the word form of numbers rather than their symbols.

- make your paragraphs link together.

- "aren't you cold in your skirt. You don't even have a jacket..." that line when said through a human's mouth sounds shocked or surprised due to the word choice and the three dots at the end. But you wrote "he smirked" after it. The mood of the sentence and him smirking don't go together. Either change the dialogue tag or the dialogue itself.

- you use too many ... at the end of dialogues. It can be confusing. Once again, pay attention to your punctuation. Incorrect grammar or punctuation can be a turn off for readers

- the whole scene in chapter 2 where the dude pulls up and pins her up against the wall is lacking tension and depth. It's like the scene is just...there

- I feel like the introduction of the dude was a little bit rushed and the introduction to the "you're not human" thing is also a bit rushed. You want to pace it nicely so the reader can catch on.

- I cannot detect Pearlah's personality. I am told so many things about her so quickly that I cannot remember. It's like you designed a sim and told me it's traits then blindfolded me. (Bad analogy, I know). You tell me that she's supposed to be cold???? I can't tell. You have to show her personality rather than tell because I cannot detect her traits. I do not know who she is as a person, therefore I cannot connect to her as the main character. Therefore, I am not inclined to go on an adventure with a blob. A character that is just there. You have to make me catch onto her personality from the get-go and make me want to know more about her

I only read the first two chapters and prologue and I felt like the feedback I gave you already should propel you in editing your other chapters. If you feel that something in my review is wrong, leave a comment.

Cover (10/10)

I love it. You have chosen the perfect picture to represent what is going to happen with the IDD and all of that jazz. It is very pleasing to look at.

Description (5/10)

The paragraphs are unrelated. The first one shouldn't be there and should be shown throughout the story. You want to focus more on Pearlah.

"Pearlah Aquino never thought that the color of her eyes would change everything around her. That it would change the essence of her life.

Throwing it off as IDD (give a small description of IDD), Pearlah decides to go on with regular high school life.

Only to have a handsome stranger show up at her house and tell her that her life is a lie."

(IDK, ain't an author)

Plot (6/10)

So far (up till chapter 2) reminds me a lot of City of Bones. (you can watch the first episode of the shadow hunters show so you know what I am talking about).

I have read so many "handsome stranger pulls up and be like, come with me, your life is a lie"

But regardless, I really love how you pulled in the IDD. It grounds the story to the real world a wee bit.

Your story also reminds me of the gifted television show.

I don't know the future of your story, but that's the vibe I got.

Other: Try and increase your word count. I get the vibe that you are an underwriter so maybe increase the number of descriptions and set the scene more.

I don't really feel the need to do the rest of the pointing system for you. Hopefully, my feedback can help you improve your novel.