•Hypehouse•

~THIRTY NINE~

     After Ondreaz's funeral I wanted to leave Los Angeles, I wanted to turn back to New York. Maybe I thought that if I turn back to New York, Ondreaz turn back to me.
So I went to New York 3 weeks after Ondreaz's funeral.

    The first one month I stayed in my apartment but it was like a torture. I saw Ondreaz in every corner of my house, everywhere in my house bring back memories to me and hurt me.

    I bought another apartment, far away from my old one. I put Ondreaz's belongings in a room to not see but then everynight I found myself in this room. I was crying, missing him and talking with his photos.

   The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you left behind want to stop living. I don't remember a night that I didn't wish I was dead after Ondreaz's death.

     "People you love never die." said Selena. She was with me everytime and she was comforting me. At the first I didn't believe her but she was right. It takes 8 months of me to understand this. Love doesn't die with death. Love is like liquid; when it pours out, it seeps into others' lives. Love changes form and shape. Love gets into everything. Death doesn't conquer all; love does. Love wins every single time. Love wins by lasting through death. Love wins by loving more, loving again, loving without fear.

    In this 8 months my friends was always calling me, Nick, Ryland, Dixie, Addison, Charli came to visit me but they couldn't help my loneliness.

    I slept all the time cause sleep was my only escape also dreams were the only place that I can see Ondreaz.

    One day Selena called me and told that we can make Ondreaz's dream come true. He told me that he want to have a dance academy but he died before have it. A jewelry brand want to make a collaboration with me about Ondreaz, all the money will spent for  Ondreaz's dance academy. I accepted it, we designed a collection with professional jewelry designers.
Then I made some interviews with Vogue, Elle and Glamour. I was trying to save money.

Grief never left me but it became a part of my life. I learned to leave with grief as I did before, when I was younger, lost my parents.

One morning I was sleeping when the doorbell rang. I usually don't have visitors, I got suprised. Maybe it's Dixie or Addison, I thought. They might be making a suprise.
I opened the door and saw someone that I don't want to see and want to see at the same time.

Tony.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Won't you let me in?" he asked with a smile.

"Okay." I said. "Come in."

We sat on the couch. I was with my pajamas.
"How did you find my house and why did you come?" I glared at him.

"I saw your interviews." he said. " It's good to see you happy again."

  I arched my eyebrows. "Happy? Do you think I'm happy?"

   "No, I don't meant it. I just, you've been disappear for months and now you had a interview so I guess you are more happy now." said Tony.

  "I had all this interviews cause I need to save money for making Ondreaz's dream come true." I shrugged. "Whatever, what you have been doing for 10 months?"

   "It was a torture to me. I couldn't cope it, I needed a physiologist. I needed someone to talk, my friend wasn't suffering as much as me. You were the one who could understand me but I thought you wouldn't talk with me so I never called you." He stopped and wiped his tears. I felt really bad for him cause I could understand his pain. "When I saw your interviews I don't know, I found myself here, in your house."

    I put my hand to his shoulder. "It's okay Tony.I needed to talk with you too but I couldn't forgive you so I never call."

  "Yes, you are right." he said. "I hate myself for what I did to you. I can totally understand if you want me to leave."

   I looked at him into his eyes. I felt something weird in my stomach, after all this time. Do I still have a crush on him?

   "No." I said. "You can stay here but I don't wanna talk about this right now. Please give me  time to put myself together."

   I went to my room and started to cry again. A part of me still loves him, still wanna be with him but another part keeps saying that don't trust him. Also I love Ondreaz and what kind of lover would I be if I left Ondreaz simply because he was dead?