Always You

12

Kongpob's POV

Staying true to her ambition, my mother had promptly managed to set up a date with Fang the following day. A number, along with a few pictures of her were sent, perhaps to make sure, her beauty cuffs my urge to back out at the last moment. Her presumption was right and the urge to cancel the date was getting stronger as the day passed. But one look at my beloved secretary, had made sure I don't ruin my carefully chalked out plan.

It was simple. The first step was to ignore him at any cost. I didn't have it in me to deal with any more pretences and also, I wasn't completely sure that I wouldn't surrender to some flimsy excuses he was sure to hurl at me. The second step involved starting a full-fledged relationship with a pretty lady who hopefully would sweep me off my feet by the very first date.

But this apparently easy plan was becoming harder to execute since Arthit was determined to invade all my spaces. I dodged most of his attempts, but one.
I was casually waiting for the elevator to stop by, when Arthit came out of nowhere and pushed me, not too gently, into the tiny enclosure after making sure it was unoccupied. His breathing was heavy and brown locks were clumped to his glistening forehead.

He held my cheeks as a pair of hazel eyes moved all over my face.

"You don't look sick."

"Cause I am not." I pulled his hands off and moved away from him. But the desired space wasn't achieved as Arthit followed my movements by leaning further. My breath hitched as his nose came only a hair's breadth away from my mouth. One dip and I could be feeling his soft lips under mine.

"How do you explain yesterday, then? You looked like you were about to faint or something. I called you over 50 times but you didn't receive them. You've not even spoken to me since you came."

"I was busy and still am. Em is all by himself in Taipei so I need to make sure I do my bit from right here."

He searched my eyes before nodding.

"You're going to the canteen, right? Let's go together."

"No. It's um better I sit by myself today. I need to go over a few files."

"I can help you."

"It's fine. You can sit with your friends."

Arthit pouted and clasped a corner of my suit. "But I want to sit with you. Also, we need to talk about yesterday."

My teeth unwillingly clenched, hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste draping my tongue as I spoke. "Not now Arthit."

"Then after work? We can go to the noodle shop you love."

"I can't. I have a date at 7. But I think I'll advance it to 6. Can you cancel all my meetings for the day? I need to go home and get ready."

All colour seemed to wash off as his face whitened and his fingers unclutched themselves from my shirt slowly. My heart sank as I took in his expression.

"A date? Do you mean like a meeting with some client?"

"Is that what you usually call a date?"

He gulped slowly before bringing both his hands to cover his chest, as though he was shielding his body from impact.

"I-I don't understand. Yesterday you...Why?" His vulnerable stance almost reached out to my heart before I swat it away harshly. My words were scathing enough to make my own insides flinch.

"I am not gay Arthit! I don't know what came over me yesterday. It was a big mistake; one I would never like to repeat. I am sorry." At this point, hurting him more than he had hurt me was my only aim. And I had probably achieved it. My hands trembled as I pressed a button that opened the doors, and walked out, not sparing a glance behind me.

XXXXX

The restaurant was lit dimly, with only a few customers about and a soft jazz tune drifting throughout. Fang and I sat right in the middle of the immense room, with two bowls of delicious soup and glasses of chardonnay placed on the glossy table between us.

The cold blue blouse paired with white culottes complemented her fair skin. She had her hair up in a loose bun with a few strands elegantly drawn out. I watched intently as she scooped the tiniest amount of soup, tapping the excess on the bowl's brim, and brought it slowly up to her bright red lips. A minute must've passed as she sat gazing at the contents, before finally pushing it into her mouth, but only half way. I almost groaned at the agonisingly slow act, and my fingers itched to shove the whole thing in her mouth. Arthit would have devoured the whole bowl in a matter of seco...NO. NO. NO.

'Fang is gorgeous. Fang is interesting. Fang is a girl.' That was the designated mantra for the date. I was determined to stick to it and not let my mind wander towards anything Arthit.

I didn't realise I was still watching her until she looked back at me coyly before blushing. Gently picking up her napkin, she wiped the specks of invisible food from the corners of her mouth.

"I hope you don't think it was too forward of me when I told Aunty I think you're good looking."

"No, of course not."

"Good. Tell me more about yourself. You've only talked about work till now. What do you like to do in your free time?"

Stare at a certain someone and in his absence, think about him. "I play the guitar or read comics."

"That's interesting. I wanted to learn playing it too. Maybe you could teach me some day." She winked.

I should be happy right? That a beautiful girl was suggestively winking at me? But it only added to my discomfort.

"Sure."

"So, how long has it been since your last relationship?"

"About 4 years."

"You've been single for that long? It's so hard to digest! Why didn't you try date?"

"I didn't find anyone that I wanted to be with."

"Wow. What is your ideal type of girl then?"

If anyone would have asked me the same question when I was 23, my answer would have been girls with long hair and a dainty build. But for the past few years, it had gradually changed to, only a particular guy with short brown hair and plump cheeks.

"I don't have a type per se. What is your ideal type?"

And for the rest of our conversation, I made sure that we spoke strictly about her. Not because I didn't want to divulge things about myself, but because each aspect of my life steered swiftly towards Arthit. Everything, from what I ate to what I hated was heavily influenced by his existence. Over the years I had unknowingly adopted many of his preferences and traits over mine. Something, I only realised at this moment as I sat in front of my date. How was I to start a relationship as my own self, as Kongpob, if my individuality had been long forsaken in Arthit's shadow?

"What did you guys talk about?" My mom's enthusiastic voice boomed in the car as I drove back home.

"Just random stuff. Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams."

"Sounds great. And- how did it go overall? Would you like to see her again?"

I ran a hand through my hair and exhaled a big puff of air. "It was lovely and yes, I would love to see her again."

The other end went dead silent.

"Hello? Mom? Momm? Are you okay?"

I heard some shuffling in the background before a voice finally answered my calls. "Kongpob, what did you say to your mom? She just fainted."