Always You

15

Kongpob's POV

"Arthit...c-can you please-please breakup with.. your girlfriend?. I can't stay away from you any longer."

I was a fool to ask him such a question, to expect something from him. But what I had said was the truth. Although Arthit seemed like the purest form of existence, years of experience had distinctly deduced that looks could be deceptive. That made me try so hard to not cross the wide gap between morality and immorality, but it only narrowed as the intimacy increased, until it was nothing but a thin line. The mere thought of a submissive and willing Arthit was enough to bring me on my knees and plead him to take me. Since there was no right or wrong anymore regarding him, I was begging him to come to me.

However, right then, I was more focused on why he looked puzzled rather than looking shocked at the revelation that I was aware of Prae.

"My girlfriend? What are you talking about?"

"I know about Prae."

He untangled his arms from mine and leaned away, drawing the warmth along with him.

"I don't understand. Prae is my childhood friend. Not my-" He widened his eyes and scrambled out of my lap. "Kongpob. Please tell me you don't think she is my girlfriend. Please."

"I saw you guys at the mall a few weeks ago."

"So? What has that got anything to do with she being my girlfriend?" Arthit looked like he was making a great effort to check his rising temper.

"I was there when she introduced you as her boyfriend, to some guy."

"Kongpob..." He inched closer and though he was shorter, at the moment, he somehow towered over me. Our proximity did not stimulate any pleasure this time as he regarded me with something that scared me. Coldness. I had seen him happy, disappointed and even angry enough to bite someone's head off, but never cold.  "...I cannot accept this. I desperately want to believe that this is not the reason you've been pulling back from me. Tell me this is not the reason and I will trust you."

What is happening? Why does it feel like I am the one who's been caught?

"I-I did hear her say that-

"Kongpob. I did not ask you what you heard. I asked you a simple question and I need an answer."

"This is the reason." My body shrivelled at the sheer hate in his voice. He did not say a word, just kept looking at me silently.

"You're not dating her?"

"Prae is gay. And in a relationship. That day at the mall, she lied because she didn't want to be bothered by the guy." He stated flatly. What should have been a bomb-shell only had the effect of sinking my heart. I had surmised this even before Arthit had to reiterate it. His distant eyes had screamed it out to me. What had I done....

Words fell short as I stood tussling for more, to convey how sorry I was. This Arthit wasn't anywhere close to the person who was looking at me earlier like I had hung the stars in the sky. He looked disappointed, in me. My lips trembled as he bitterly laughed.

"You really think of me as a cheater? And a liar? Couldn't you have asked me about it?"

"I didn't know what else to think. I was scared of confronting you. Of wanting you and relenting to you even after finding out the truth."

"Days' worth of agony, because you were too weak to confront me? While you were busy playing push and pull, I was looking for all plausible excuses that could justify your behaviour! And now you finally tell me it was because of some trivial misunderstanding?

I stuck throughout, Kongpob, not once feeling like giving up on you! You know why? Because I was immature enough to think that at the end of the day, it only boils down to the fact that your feelings for me run just as deep as mine. But that's not enough. What about fighting for us? Even if you did think I was dating, the fact that you never faced me shows how little you care about this. If I hadn't pushed you into this, you would have abandoned whatever we have!!"

He was shaking as he leaned against a table. I reached out to grab him but he vehemently pushed my hand away.

"Arthit can you please calm down and come to me? Please?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

I paced towards him, hugging him tightly as he shouted muffled words of protest, while repeatedly hitting my chest.

"Let go!! I am warning you."

"Listen to me please. Just once."

His eyes wavered as he gradually stopped thrashing and regarded me closely. I had still not lost him completely.

"I know I have no right to even touch you at this point but I would hate for you to think that I don't care enough about us. My feelings don't run as deep as you, they run deeper.

 I had spent so much time in misery when I didn't have you, that I jumped without thought at anything that could release me from the pain. And the day at the mall had been that release. The thought of you dating would have propelled me to finally let go. But then it all changed. You finally reciprocated, finally wanted me. However, by then it was too late and I had already placed my pathetic misunderstanding as a cover to keep you away from me.

But I would have fought for us. After all this I still came back to you. I am so sorry, but please trust me."

"I don't know any more Kongpob. I feel like I've been the only one in this nameless relationship all along." He looked so lost. And it was all due to me.

I cupped his face and grazed my thumbs over his smooth cheeks. His eyes weren't cold anymore. They were hesitant but still inviting. He closed them, leaning into my palm. After all I had made him go through, Arthit was still in my arms, still as responsive to my touch. I couldn't hold back the water that welled in my eyes. I didn't know if I even came close to deserving him.

"I am sorry, so freaking sorry for being weak. I wanted to be the only one who could protect you, but instead ended up hurting you. Can I beg for another chance? Please?"

"I don't know." He whispered softly with his eyes still closed. "I need some time."

I engulfed him in my arms, crashing my body completely into him, running my fingers through his soft hair.

"Take all the time you need baby. I am going to make sure, you know exactly how much I want you."