Sweet Tears

Short Rendezvous

I never smile since Martin's gone. He is like a soul mate to me, I know I sound exaggerating but that is what I truly feel.

Every day I'm thinking about how to get up from this misery. Until finally I meet someone who suffer the same fate as me. But this person is different from me. She can smile happily, as if she has no problem in her life. Besides, I, who suffers the same fate as her, still cannot smile happily like I used to be, even I am embarrassed to go outside my house. I meet her last month, when I was about to buy snack at a supermarket. Since I am very curious. I take my time to ask her directly, what is the secret behind her smile?

"Uhm excuse me, can I ask you some questions?" I ask her timidly, but at the same time, I am curious.

"Sure, go for it" she answers with a sweet smile.

"How can you look so happy when you are the same with me.. Have no legs and have to live on a wheelchair" my lips tingle when I ask her.

"What is the point of regretting things that had happened. It is better if we face the future with an assured smile" She answers it boldly.

She told me to "face the future with an assured smile" honestly, I am confused with that sentence. I don't have the slightest idea what she's talking about.

"What do you mean by the future, smile, and assured?"

"What makes you so confused, what we face right now is a bless. God made us special, we are different one another. It is indeed embarrassing for those who are unable to feel grateful, but this is God's will. He has a plan behind all of these ordeals, you don't have to fear or doubt it... We have God." She says it and her smile never leaves her lips.

"All we need to do is go through it and wait for what the future has for us. Think about what you have done today, what you can learn from it and find out what you have got. Learning from today's mistake to live tomorrow and prepare what you are going to do in the future well"

That concludes our conversation. She is so tough and strong facing itall. What kind of life that makes her like that?

Today, I do some activities out of my routine, I reflect on my conversation with a girl my age last month, I met her at a supermarket. There is no possible way a human like her exists. So strong and tough. Just imagine, you have an accident then become disabled. If the accident itself is awful, the disabled part is more. I have so many question in my head. I am puzzled. When I was busy contemplating, Roy comes out of sudden and surprises me from behind. I can only scream for that, nothing less, nothing more. It is hard for me to smile. Being disabled and losing Martin are the reasons behind it. "Don't be gloomy, you got me here, Min". Roy, to be honest, your existence here has absolutely no effect on me. It is rather annoying.

Contemplating my live gives me a headache. This is unpleasant. I cannot handle it, yeah I cannot handle it. I will be stressed out if the burden gets too heavy. This life is not easy, I pray to God the Almighty with eyes wet with tears, "Dear God, please lighten the heavy burden in my life" tears raced down my cheeks, Roy wipes it without saying a word. His eyes seem tired of my current condition. His eyes are puffy and his face looks unsure about what to do. Sadness returns to my life. I cannot fathom the meaning behind that meeting, it's so complicated. I cry to sleep in Roy's embrace.

In the next day, I wake up on my bed, lying on my back. I wake up sad,my heart is broken, my head is spinning. I don't want to be sad forever. Icannot handle the pain of life. My head is torturing me, plus, my legs are nothelping at all. I head up to papa's workspace with puffy eyes, I find a smallbook in there, seems like papa always read that book. I read the book whilerelaxing on my wheelchair. That book really motivates me, it is written "Winneris someone who never give up, if you give up you will never be a winner." Thatsentence makes me aware of my current condition. It makes me realize that I'mbeing ungrateful. Where on earth is my common sense? I should not give up easily.I should be able to fight the sadness in my head.