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「all my battles have been won but the war has just begun」
♫ hollywood undead; city
✩ y e o s a n g ✩
Under the stars, wrapped in the sheets from the bed they had made a mess of, Yeosang stroked his fingers gently over Hongjoong's soft skin, and as he did he watched over the older and every little detail of him. From the way his chest rose and fell so slowly, to his long lashes and how they fluttered slightly from the deep sleep.
'Love is the downfall of a fool.'
His hand clenched briefly, as the dark voice ran through his head. At the top of Hongjoong's chest, Yeosang let his palm rest lightly, feeling the heartbeat under his touch.
"And you were quite the fool, weren't you?" Hissing under his breath, in a low whisper, Yeosang fought back at the demon in his mind, but it had become stronger - ravenous for destruction.
'Prove to me that you are wiser then.'
The soft touch of Hongjoong's skin was left behind, as Yeosang sat up on the bed with his hands fisted into his own brown hair - pulling it until it hurt. Air got stuck in his throat, and his heart was painfully pounding in his chest.
'He will never love you the way you want him to.'
Tears showed at the corners of his eyes, and as he blinked they rolled down his cheeks with the voice thundering through his mind. All his life he had only wanted one thing; to be loved. But the world had not be kind to him, and all the lies and all the pain masqueraded as love, had left him to believe in only a decadent and shallow illusion of the real thing.
But even now, he still wanted it - he so desperately needed it.
"He will, he already does..." He gazed back at Hongjoong through the tears, pain filling his heart while the voice in his head was mockingly laughing at him.
Returning to their home hadn't been quite what Yeosang had hoped for. Being back in familiar settings would never be enough to make up for all the horrible things they went through, and although that part had been certain to him from the start, he still couldn't get over the way Hongjoong looked at him now.
Even when they were close there was still a killing distance between them, one that would probably follow them for the rest of their lives. Looking into each other's eyes reminded them of what they had done, of what the other had done - and Yeosang hated that. Hongjoong would look at him, with a glance full of hope but right underneath the surface was the pain and the guilt - the thing that kept them apart, even when they were together.
The darkness they had seen, the darkness that could never be washed away.
