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「I am alone in the night been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I I've got a war in my mind」
♫ lana del rey; ride
✩ s a n ✩
San sniffed a few times, fighting to hold back the tears that kept blurring his vision. His cheek was still burning from the hard slap he had received in his father's office, for the bad scores on his report card. The last thing he wanted to do now was to cry, he had to stop being so weak all the goddamn time - just as his father would say.
"Hey," a soft voice said behind him, and San made sure to ruffle his hair down in attempt to cover up the redness on his skin. "San? What happened?"
Ren looked at him with sad eyes, as it had happened before, but the older boy knew better by then than to expect an honest answer.
"I'm fine, just fell on my way here," San lied - another day, another lie, and Ren only narrowed his eyes a bit with his lips closed shut, well aware that was far from the truth.
They sat down next to each other, watching the stream that passed by at the bottom of the mountains, with the calm breeze dancing through their hair and the sun shining from above.
"You know, it's okay to cry sometimes," Ren then said calmly, with a worried look in San's direction.
The stupid tears had been impossible to hold back, and they were now clinging onto his lashes while San stubbornly kept his own eyes away from the pretty blonde's. He quickly dried his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffed one last time with a tickle in his nose that told him he could break down any second, while his other hand stroked the cold grass under him.
"No, I can't be weak like that," San finally mumbled.
"Sannie..." A gentle touch was placed against San's warm cheek, and he looked at Ren for long enough to lose himself in the eyes that held promises of a better world. "It's also okay to be weak."
But San chose to shake his head in disagreement, repeating his father's words in his mind - over and over and over - as he had done so many times before. He was weak, he knew that, he would never be like Seonghwa or Jongho even - determined and with a mind so strong they could achieve anything they wanted to. He was just a failure full of weaknesses that would bring him to his knees at any given chance.
"Don't let the fear of weaknesses hold you back from living your life as you want to," Ren continued with a wry smile. His fingertips stroked San's cheek and down his chin, and his touch was slowly making the pain go away. "- from being the person you are destined to become."
A sudden but soft kiss on his cheek caused San's eyes to widen up, and his heart raced in his chest while he was blushing like mad.
The kiss was like magical stardust that took away the last pain, and made him believe that one day he would escape from his horrible family.
