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「the demons that I fight are too strong for me but everywhere I reach cold stone is all I see」
♫grusom; cold stone
✩ h o n g j o o n g ✩ mature
Heartbeat; fast, hurting his chest.
Breathing; heavy, with the air burning in his lungs.
It was the strangest moment where he felt everything all at once - but at the same time he felt absolutely nothing, and he desperately wanted to feel just something.
Something other than pain, other than the helplessness of being held captured inside his own skin.
The skin, which was being beat up by the water pouring down over him, with such force that the shower-head was shaking above him. Whether the water was icing cold or burning hot, was something he didn't even register - his body was completely and utterly numb, as he sat all curled up in the corner of the shower.
The blood that had stained his hair and drawn red streaks across his skin, had washed away long ago, and time had passed by without him moving even a single muscle. Even when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the face of the poor dead boy on the floor, and the way his own vision had turned crimson when the stranger's blood had filled his eyes and mind.
Hongjoong stared straight ahead, directly into the opposite white tiled wall, while the water was streaming down his back, and pulling his will to live with it down the drain.
If tears had fallen from his eyes he didn't even notice, and in the end all the remained was the overwhelming pain - the pain of knowing someone had been killed right in front of him, and he hadn't been able to stop it, and the pain of Seonghwa's hands on his body, and what he did to him on the bloody table.
And no amount of water would ever be able to wash that away.
The skin on his fingers were white and wrinkly when he finally stepped out of the shower, but as soon as he stood up on his shaking legs, his entire insides turned.
As he stood alone in the bathroom, swallowed by the silence that was left behind after he turned off the shower, the harrowing sound of bones cracking repeated itself in his head. It echoed through his ears, and left him heaving for air.
His vision was distorted, blinded, and he fell to the floor with gagging noises forcing themselves up his dry throat. His stomach was empty, and there was nothing to throw up although his body so persistently insisted for him to do.
Then he felt them, the tears, running down his cheeks in deep frustration over the inability to get rid of the pain that stormed through his entire body. He was shaking, uncontrollably, supporting himself against the edge of the sink while turning the tap on - then drinking so much water he almost drowned in it.
