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「if I stay, it won't be long till I'm burning on the inside if I go, I can only hope that I make it to the other side」
♫three days grace; get out alive
✩ h o n g j o o n g ✩
Hongjoong felt San's eyes follow every move he made, as he slowly paced around the room. It wasn't nervousness he felt, and as the shock of standing face to face with someone he had thought died months ago was fading, Hongjoong was left with a feeling he couldn't quite describe.
He felt uneasy but calm at the same time. He wanted to hold San in his arms, but also rip his hair out and scream at him. Or - hear him scream, more likely.
"You are so fucked up," Hongjoong mumbled under his breath, keeping his eyes away from the dark haired man who had been the beginning of the entire mess that had become Hongjoong's life.
"If you keep looking at me like I'm the bad guy only," San said calmly, "you'll never understand the bigger picture."
An excessive huff flew from Hongjoong's lips, as he dumped down to sit on the old couch. With his hands folded in his lap he finally let San's eyes find his own. Leaning forward, he let go of a snort while staring at the older standing in front of him.
"Then, enlighten me."
"Are you sure you are ready to hear the truth about everything?"
"Are you going to tell me, or simply waste my time as you've been doing from the very beginning?" The snappy tone in Hongjoong's voice made San furrow his brows, but Hongjoong himself stayed completely unbothered.
It was indeed how he felt. And Hongjoong had had enough of waste...
"How can I be sure that you won't just run back and tell everything to Seonghwa?" San asked with a roll of his eyes at the mention of the oldest brother.
"You can't."
"Figured." San squatted down right in front of Hongjoong, eyes burning into his with such force that Hongjoong couldn't even look away. "I don't know exactly what he did to you, to make you like this... But this is not the Hongjoong I knew..."
The voice he used to know so well was starting to blend into an annoying buzzing in his ears, but Hongjoong stubbornly reciprocated the deep stare.
"Like you ever knew me," he growled, and tension was rising fast between them in the small, dark room.
"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. But I know this for a fact; the real Hongjoong would have cried his heart out over what happened to Yeosang. So tell me, did you even shed one single tear yet?"
"Don't say his name!" Hongjoong flew up from the couch, hands clenched and body tensed and ready to fight. "Don't you dare speaking his name ever again!"
