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Part 11

11.

Elliot was shaking after the phone call had ended. He was relieved that he had gotten this much out. He knew they would need to talk again but she didn't hate him. She didn't hate him and she would call again. He sighed and tears were welling in his eyes. He had only started to realize over the past few months just how much his partner had meant to him as a friend. How much she still meant to him. She had been his loyal partner, for better or worse. If he could just get a part back of the friendship they once had, he would be happy to take it.

He didn't know how she was taking what he had already told her. Her mother had been an alcoholic and it had caused a lot of damage in her life. She didn't need another drunk around. It made him all the more determined never to drink again.

...

Olivia decided to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. Everything Elliot had told her was going through her mind. She knew first hand how much damage alcohol could do. Her mother had been two completely different people - one sober and one drunk. She couldn't imagine her former partner out of control like that and she was certain she would never want to. He had trouble containing himself even without a drink so who knows what he would do in a drunken stupor. He might even kill someone.

She flopped on her couch with a bottle of wine in her hand. She looked at it and changed her mind. She didn't need alcohol either. She put it back in the wine rack and poured herself some orange juice in stead. It turned out to be difficult to relax. Thoughts of a drunk Elliot kept going though her mind. Despite his passionate character, she had always known him as someone who was able to keep himself in check. Well, usually.

He had certainly kept himself in check with her. There had been moments during their partnership when it would have been so easy to fall into each others' arms, just to get some comfort after a hard case. But he had never succumbed. Neither had she. But she knew she would have, if he had ever opened that door. She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and laughed at herself. Here she was, all alone, and she was blushing because she was thinking about something that had never happened. Something she had told herself - and others - was never going to happen. And now he was back without his wedding ring. Her heart was beating a bit faster than usual and she shook her head at herself.

...

Elliot lay awake for a long time. After his phone call with Olivia, he had cried. It had been the first time in a long time but the conversation had hit him hard. It wasn't just what he had told her, but also the memories of the things he hadn't told her yet and his extreme response to them. After a while, the people at the rehab centre in Boston had told him he had almost all the symptoms of PTSD. He was traumatized. It was as if his brain had short-circuited on that fateful day. He had agreed to therapy and it had actually helped. After a few weeks he had started telling his therapist about Olivia. She had been the one constant in his life for such a long time and his therapist had suggested he reach out to her again, once he felt ready to go back to New York. And now he had and she was willing to renew their contact. His partner. His friend. And a woman he had feelings for that he had never been able to express. He didn't know if she wanted him in her life that way but he would accept whatever she would give him, as long as she was in his life again.

...

The next morning when Olivia returned to work, Captain Cragen called her into his office. She wondered if he had spoken with Elliot as well, because he came to the point right away.

"And? Did you call Elliot?"

She sat down on the chair her Captain was offering her and smiled briefly.

"I did."

Captain Cragen leaned back in his chair.

"So, what do you think?"

"Well, to be honest, I don't think I got the whole story yet."

"Why do you think that?"

She shrugged. "Just a feeling. I don't see him becoming an alcoholic over one shooting."

"Hmm, I see."

The Captain was thinking it over and Olivia kept wondering what it was that she didn't know yet. Cragen obviously did know but he wasn't going to tell her.

"Will you two be keeping in touch?" he asked her.

Olivia nodded. "Yes, I agreed to call him again."

"Good, good," the Captain said pensively. "You do that."

...

A while later they caught another case and Olivia and Nick headed out. She was trying to stay focused on the job and did pretty well, she thought. By the end of the morning, Nick actually welcomed her back, and she laughed. She was better now. The only thing that was still a small distraction for her was the question if it was too soon to call Elliot again that evening ...

...

She did call him again that night. Elliot was a little surprised but very happy to hear from her so soon. They talked a little about his drinking problem and her experiences with her mother. He told her he didn't want to open any old wounds for her but he couldn't keep the truth from her either. She understood. She didn't go into it any further, although she knew he was in fact still keeping something from her. But she gathered he would tell her when he was ready.

She asked about his children and the conversation became lighter. He brought her up to speed, telling her about all five of his kids and what they were doing now. Maureen was 28 now and married. Kathleen was 23 and the twins were 19.

"And little Eli just turned 4 this month."

"He's four already? So he will be going to school soon," Olivia said. She remembered his birth so well and she couldn't believe he was off to school already.

"Yeah ... I guess he is," Elliot said and she noticed the hesitation in his voice.

"You don't know? You don't see him regularly?"

"No ... I was gone a long time and Kathy doesn't know if she wants me around him at all."

The hurt was evident in his voice.

"You have a right to see him, Elliot."

"I know. I just don't want to fight about it. Kath and I have fought enough."

There was an awkward silence. Olivia wanted to ask him what had caused them to split up for good but didn't want to rush him.

Elliot appreciated that she didn't ask about Kathy but he also knew he would have to tell her. But not now. He was avoiding it and he knew it. He was just so happy to be talking to Olivia again so he changed the subject.

"So tell me, what have you been up to Liv?"

Olivia suppressed a sigh. Alright, perhaps some lighter talk was good for them right now. So she told him about the job and the new detectives they were working with. He found it very amusing that her new partner reminded her of him, albeit not always in a good way. They laughed and both enjoyed just talking. About everything and nothing. Happier memories took over the conversation and when they decided to call it a night, they were both in a good mood.

"Talk to you soon?" Elliot asked.

"I'd like that," Olivia admitted.

"Can I call you?"

She smiled. It wasn't easy for him not to be in control. Part of her wanted to tease him a bit but she also knew he needed a friend. So she told him, "If you need to talk and I'm taking too long to call you, then feel free to call me."

"Thank you Olivia. That means a lot to me."

She nodded again, trying to ignore the tears in her eyes. "I know."

"Bye."

"Bye El."

...