Watching

Part 7

7.

Elliot had been out to find some kind of employment and had managed to find a day job as a security guard. He had done alright on his pension but he needed to do something. He wasn't the type to just go on a never-ending vacation. And even if he had been, who would he go with now?

He had been busy with the new job and he had not delivered his third rose yet. It was his first day off and he was nervous. She was home this Saturday and he wasn't sure how he could deliver the rose without being seen. She had found the first two in the evening but he decided to deliver the rose when he saw her leave the building early in the afternoon. She was probably going to run an errand and he had to be quick. The only downside was that she would know he was nearby. But he didn't want to risk waiting too long. She might be staying in all evening and not find the rose until the next day.

Now that the first shock of being face to face with her again had worn off, he was actually having fun. He knew that Olivia would never admit it but she really liked it when someone paid attention to her feminine side. Usually, men were a little intimidated by her strength and her attitude but he knew all too well that she was very much a woman underneath it all. They had connected on so many levels during the twelve years they had been partners and this was the only side of her that he had not been able to connect to - no, had not been allowed to connect to. But things were different now. He was a free man, albeit not entirely by choice.

He shook his head, attempting to clear the image from his head that was resurfacing. He did not want to think about that anymore. He wanted to move forward. No more looking back at things he could not fix. He looked down the street and he didn't see her. He had to act now...

...

Olivia was enjoying her day off. She had actually slept well that night and she felt good. She had decided to go clothes shopping on her own. She didn't want company, she just wanted to relax and be alone with her thoughts. She didn't mind the chipper ladies in the stores that were all too eager to help her try on various outfits. They didn't know her and wouldn't ask her what was on her mind. She took her time and was carrying a lot more bags than she had expected once she made her way back home. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw another rose at the door. She dropped a few bags so she could unlock the door and pick up the rose as she walked in. She set the rest of her bags down on the couch. Then she read the note. 'I miss you'.

She felt tears welling in her eyes. She took a deep breath and went back to the door to retrieve the bags she had left there. Then she put the rose in the vase with the other two. She walked over to the window again and looked outside at the people in the street, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. She missed him too. So much! She was fighting back her tears while scanning the people down on the street. Where could he be? She sighed again and turned back to the bags containing her new purchases.

...

She looked so sad and a lonely tear trickled down his cheek. She missed him too. He wanted to reach out to her but there was so much that had to be said first. He did not want to rush her. He needed to let her know that he cared about her and that he respected her. He had not wanted to simply barge back into her life and possibly disrupt her new-found rhythm. That is why he had watched her first.
But he had disrupted her life when he stepped in to get that guy off her. And now he had to fix it. He saw her rummaging about in her apartment and wished he could read her mind. But she was too far away. He looked at the notes he had left. Which note would he attach to the next rose? He rubbed his face with both hands and reluctantly moved away from the window.

...

Olivia was feeling restless and didn't want to stay in all day long that Sunday. She had found herself crying in bed the night before. She thought she had cried over Elliot enough but the tears were back. Her crying wasn't as desperate as it had been before, because Elliot was clearly reaching out to her again. It was different now but still very painful. Her chest hurt, physically as well as emotionally. After a long, hot shower and a light breakfast, she decided she would go for a run. About a year earlier someone had recommended running to her as a stress reliever and it had actually helped. An improved condition was a welcome side-effect. She was beginning to feel that she was getting older and she needed to stay in shape if she wanted to continue chasing perps for a few more years. After putting on her running gear, tying her hair back in a pony tail and plugging in her earphones, she headed out.

...

Elliot saw her jogging down the street and couldn't help staring for a while. She was what, 43 now? She was still in great shape. He had stared at her many, many times while they were still working together. He knew she had noticed. And she had stared at him as well. They had had a silent pact, never to bring these things up. But the attraction had been there for years and from his side, this had not changed. From her side, he didn't know now. She was still too far away.

He flipped through the channels on his TV but couldn't find anything interesting. There was an ad for beer on and he quickly changed the channel again. He still craved a beer every now and then but he had sworn never to touch alcohol again. It had destroyed so much for him and he was only just beginning to pick up the pieces. He hardly remembered anything of that night, after he had stumbled into the bar near his house, his former home. Nothing could have prepared him for what he had come home to that day and all he wanted to do was run. He wanted to run away from there. And he wanted to run to her - to Olivia. The only one who understood what he had just gone through, watching Jenna die in his arms. A young girl, dying at his hands. A few drinks should have given him the courage to go. But a few drinks turned into a lot more, while he tried to get that new image out of his head. It kept haunting him and he had kept on drinking until there was only nothingness.

Waking up in an alley, robbed of everything except his clothes, should have sobered him up. But it had only gone downhill from there. When he was picked up by two beat cops, he was glad he didn't have his ID and phone on him anymore. No need for anyone at the NYPD know about this, no need for them to know who he was. They had dropped him off at a homeless shelter and had left him there to sleep it off and sort out his own mess.

He got up and tried to shake off the memories. Maybe he should go out for a walk as well. The weather was pretty nice for the time of year and he headed out. He walked in the opposite direction as Olivia, not wanting to bump into her unexpectedly. While he walked the streets of New York, he wondered which note he would put on the next rose. He wanted to talk to her but not until she was ready.

...