Outgrowing the Apartment

The Hunt for Chubby Chasers

"And he DIDN'T ask your name?" Amy said in a gasp as she scarfed down her fifth slice of pizza. Megan's exam came and went, and within an hour of her getting home the girls ordered a stack of pizzas and cracked open two bottles of wine for both of themselves.

"Literally. I called him by his name on his name tag expecting him to at least me who I was. But then nope! Just an awkward something, I don't even know what he said. Then I was gonna give it one more shot by waving to him when I left but he wasn't even there." Megan was reclining in her love seat with a whole extra large pizza box laying on her giant stomach and chest. She was on her sixth slice but was taking a break from the pizza to dip her cheesy breadsticks in the BBQ dip she ordered on the side, which she brilliantly placed inside the pizza box to avoid moving. "And now the only thing I have to remember him by is BBQ sauce," she said as she took a giant scoop.

"Was he just like, in awe of how hot you looked. Because you brought your A game when you left," Amy told Megan as she playfully winked.

"I haven't actually gotten dressed in months, of course I was gonna somewhat try. You never know who you'll run into on campus. I may look like a ball of flab but I'm still looking fine."

"Flabulous?" Amy questioned.

Megan chuckled, "That'll be my Tinder bio once I succumb to online dating." Amy's eyes widened at Megan's comment. Megan immediately caught on to her friend's fast moving brain and immediately retorted, "oh no no no. Stop using the Amy brain. I'm not doing that."

"But Megannnnnnn," Amy pleaded. "A boy only acts nervous like that around a girl if he thinks she's pretty AND if he's single AND if he's awkward. Do you know where single, awkward boys go to find girls?"

Megan stopped for a second to think. "...Okay you have a point Amy Becker. But also do I want to even consider dating a guy? It's March of our senior year, what if he's from hours away?"

"Okay well first, fuck you. I'm from hours away and this ain't ending in two months."

"You know what I mean," Megan said sternly.

"No I don't! I know we've known each other for years, but if you have a cute boy you like, you're gonna wanna hold onto him as much as you wanna hold onto your best friend. And Megan, honestly..." Amy's voice trailed off.

"What, that I've had no luck dating and that I need to love a guy as much as I love food one day?" Megan said, trying to finish Amy's sentence.

"Okay no. Well yes. Well no, you need to find a guy who will ACCEPT that you love food more than them. And they're gonna like it." Megan smiled proudly and nodded. "But no... girl, look at you... I mean look at us but look at you even more, no offense."

"Wow, where ya going with this girl?" Megan had a doubtful look on her face as she slid more pizza into her mouth.

"You know where I'm going with this!" Amy said chuckling. "You... us... we're not your normal plus size ladies with a little extra to grab anymore. You weigh over 500 pounds! Who knows, you might be closer to 600 at this point, look at how much food we've eaten this week." Amy pointed to the pile of trash in the corner of their kitchen that they've only neglected for five days, but still took up over five square feet of the apartment.

"Guys still think we're hot Amy, relax. If we went to a bar-"

"By the end of the semester we wouldn't FIT in a bar!" Amy raised her voice.

Megan started chuckling. "That's... probably not far off. Okay so you're implying I need to find a chubby chaser on Tinder because I wouldn't be able to anywhere else?"

"No, I'm saying you need to find this Corey boy on Tinder because he's cute according to you, he's awkward which means he thinks you're cute too, and you're not going to a bar anytime soon to find a man. You couldn't even find the energy to walk to your bed a couple of nights ago," Amy said as she recalled Megan falling asleep with an empty pack of Oreos on her stomach, and another half empty pack on her chest. Which she finished off just after 5:00 AM when she finally woke up.