Outgrowing the Apartment

The NEP Dating Scene

"Yep, bye Gav... thanks for the pizza... okay..." Megan said as she waved her date goodbye, closing the door slowly as her voice trailed off. "Okay fuck I'm hungry. Amy?!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Amy said as she waddled out of her room holding two empty pizza boxes and an empty bag of chips. "Did you say something about being hungry? Because same. Mexican? I feel like I haven't had tacos in days."

"Music to my ears," Megan smiled. "Let me know how you know how to keep a girl fed better than any guy on this campus." It's been a month since Megan and Amy started their dating adventure, albeit at a weird time considering they only have several more weeks of being college students and residents at NEP. But nevertheless, their experience has been anything but good.

"Hi can I place an order for delivery... thanks. Can I have ten beef tacos, ten chicken tacos, ten carnitas tacos, ten steak tacos... yes ten of each. Then four cups of guacamole, four cups of queso, eight servings of chips, and two grande ground beef burritos, extra meat... oh you have coupons for parties? Yeah we're having a party actually!" Megan chuckled. "Great, well if they're free we'll take a two liter of Sprite and a two liter of Coke. And let's do churros for the free dessert. Thank you!" Megan laughed out loud. "According to all the local places around here, we have parties every single night here."

"I'll be sure to turn up the music when the delivery boy gets here," Amy said as she fake danced in her seat for two seconds, getting her exercise in for the week. "So what happened with Mr. Gavin?"

"Oh my GOD," Megan shouted. "This guy... this boy. I'm beginning to think you need to weigh a certain amount to understand how much a fat girl wants-no, needs to eat."

Amy laughed, "wow you do sound hungry."

"I'm serious! This guy rolls in and I know in 5 seconds I'm the fattest girl he's ever been on a date with. Which like, it's hard to beat. So that's fine. But we sit down on the couch and get to talking and within 30 seconds he asks me if I wanted a pizza 'to myself'", Megan said making air quotes.

"You're bigger than most people on My 600 Pound Life and this guy thinks one pizza is enough for you." Amy rolled her eyes as she took in how big her roommate had become. Despite overloading the scale a month ago, the girls decided not to buy a new one, since any that is able to weigh a person Megan's size would cost them 2 if not 3 days worth of good eating.

"Exactly! So I said yeah thinking maybe he'll get me two, or at least some sides. But no. One pizza, two toppings, and he gave me half of his grinder once he saw how fast I ate it."

"Half... of his grinder. So this boy only eats half a sandwich AND only gives you the other half and one pizza? It sounds like you both were starved." Amy got up to grab her and Megan a drink and a snack while they waited for their party's worth of dinner to arrive.

"Talk about starved, he was literally tinier than I expected. I don't know if I can't remember what skinny people look like or if he's been eating half a grinder a day for the last year. Like..." Megan took her hands and measured a width of about two thirds of one of her legs. "THIS is how wide he was. I've been saying how I'm gonna end up being twice the size of any guy I date, I was at least four times this boy."

"So you're saying you... like fat people Megan?" Amy chuckled.

"Yeah it's my deepest darkest secret. This just in, 600 and whatever pound girl doesn't want to date and accidentally kill a 150 pound guy." Megan grabbed the family size bag of barbecue potato chips Amy got for her and took a sip of the hard lemonade she was handed. "I think my dating days are over."

"Don't say that... I mean maybe for right now? Any new matches? We only have what, 3 weeks until finals? I can't believe we're out of here soon," Amy said shallowly.

"I know, this semester literally disappeared."

"I guess that's what happens when you sleep for 12 hours a day and eat for the other 12?"

"Living my best life!" Megan said in a singsong voice. "But yeah..." she opened her phone to see if she had any new bites on the dating scene. "Nothing in a couple days. We need to live somewhere with more fat people than Nowhere, Pennsylvania."

"Oh my god. You and me. Road trip this Summer. We can go be beached whales on an actual beach. And get some authentic southern BBQ." Amy started drooling with excitement.

"If we can find a car that'll fit both of us I'm in. The one thing I miss about being home is having a car and going to drive thru's. Yeah getting food delivered to your door is great but there's something special about ordering enough food for four people and then pulling up to the window alone," Megan reminisced.

"Only for four? Wow you HAVEN'T been to a drive thru in awhile. Also I'm impressed that you're so fat that you took me saying road trip as an excuse to go to a lot of drive thru's." The girls both started cracking up.

"Well that is the best part about driving." Megan started fantasizing about fast food chicken tenders as she  awaited her tacos. "But yes... I don't want this friendship to end in May."

Amy smiled sweetly. "You know that wouldn't happen. We're staying friends until we weigh a ton combined, and then we won't even be able to get away from each other. The girls laughed and smiled.

"I'd hug you, but I think we became too round to hug about 100 pounds ago."

"Well the thought is there, and now that I think about it, the only thing I want to be hugging is about 30 tacos in my hands."