Confessions of an Invisible Woman

Chapter Six: Desert of Mirages

Jasmine and I managed to patch things up just a little, but it was always awkward to start a conversation with her. Each night that we laid our heads to rest on our own pillows it seemed that we drifted further and further apart as friends. I mean we weren't as close as we used to be and it's almost been a month. I used to think she was just being forgetful with such things like putting her dirty clothes on my room divider or leaving the door unlocked on purpose to see if I attempt to lock her out. Better yet the classiest of situations would be her leaving dirt and all types of manner in the toilet then leaving it to me to clean because she would be fake sleep. Ugh I hate where our friendship has been moving but it seems to be going down the drain. I do know after she conveniently woke up and walked into the same mess, she made she did not try to do that shit again.

It seemed like the more I tried reaching out to my now public boyfriend, the more distant and colder he seemed to be. I also knew better than to bring up Matt in casual conversation to Jasmine because then I'll never hear the end of it. The only time I would even hear from Matt was if I called him or if I just so happened to run into him on the way to or from classes.

I take out my phone and dial and of course I barely get any privacy since I've been elected the new Student Government Association president. I hear a grunt and noise in the background, "Hey Matt".

"Oh hi – how you been?" he sounds cheerful all of a sudden. Wait a minute why was he talking to me like that? I wanted to say so bad speak your mind boy in your normal voice.

"I've just been really busy with the team and getting myself back right for the season".

Team? You mean as in football? Why would he hide that kind of thing especially if he made me feel so exclusive? I just don't understand the secrecy.

"I mean you haven't really talked to me in two weeks...what's up?", I feel my hands shaking from being so nervous. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Nothing much – relax baby, I know you miss me and all", he's starting to sound like his usual self. However, something is not right so I try to make light and see if he'll pull up and see me tonight.

"So you stopping by tonight?", I can't help but feel an inch of excitement. My hands and legs are tingling with nothing but joy and then here comes the blow.

He ignores my question altogether and ends with, "Actually I've got to go. Can I call you back?" That actually fills me up with disappointment and a surge of hurt.

I kept shaking my head thinking out loud – I couldn't help it. I got a woman's intuition where what I'm being served is bullshit, but I'm supposed to just go along with it.

I know this is bullshit and as much as I tried to go along with it I couldn't – something wasn't right and I needed to find out what was going on. I know I'm crazy but I try to keep it at bay because when that monster is unleashed – it takes almost the entire earth and heaven to force it back into the cage.

Something told me to head right over to his apartment which wasn't too far from campus give or take 10 minutes and I park alongside the curb across the street.

Damn it what kind of mess is this? This makes me look hella thirsty and desperate. I'm trying to convince the part of myself that was myself that this man that I'm supposedly in a relationship with is not lying to me. I already knew he was lying – those kinds of things I feel in my gut.

I immediately regret pulling up and as much as I wanted to drive away, I couldn't help but at least see him and wonder what's going on. I get out of the car and walk around to the call box and gate.