Lonely Heart

Thirty-One

"Ash..." Rylee pulls away from my chest, her eyes showing a lot of emotions all at once.

"Don't, Ry. I can't let you go again." I stop her, trying to pull her back into my chest.

"You broke my trust, Ashton, how am I supposed to just forgive you for that." she shakes her head, pressing her hands against my chest to resist me pulling her back.

"If I could take it back I would." I push, "I wasn't trying to hurt you, Rylee. I wasn't trying to give you a crutch, I was trying to help Calum stop thinking I was a complete idiot."

"But you still used my bipolar as an excuse. You still told someone my most private issues without my permission. And that hurts." Her eyes are glistening slightly.

"I'm sorry, Ry Ry, so sorry. I should have just left it, but I hated hearing him rag on you constantly. Always complaining about you running, and saying you would never stick around. I wanted him to just shut up and love you like I do. Well, maybe not like I do anymore, but I wanted him to see the amazing person you are and realize that you are so much more than your mental illnesses."

"Don't you get it though, Ashton? You gave him an excuse, a reason to have to be nice to me. I want people to like or dislike me for me, not because they pity my mental struggles. Did you not trust me to stick around? Did you want him to already know so you'd have an excuse for me if I ran? Do all your friends know? Is it something you tell everyone? Oh ya, she's hot and a good fuck, but also she's crazy?" Her lip trembles ever so slightly as she asks.

"Fuck!" I panic, "No. No one else knows. I didn't think you would run, that is not why I told him! Please, please never think that, Rylee. I just wanted him to stop hating you. I just wanted someone else to see the amazing beautiful smart wonderful woman I see when I look at you. Enough people look at you and judge to quickly. I didn't want my best friend to be another one of those people." I swallow hard as a tear leaks from the side of her eye, the all too familiar sting of my own tears building behind my eyes.

"Do you realize I ran because you told him? I had no intentions of running before that. I had found so much happiness being with you. But to have the most important person in my life betray me like that... I don't know how I can move on with you and us, while I still have that weighing so heavily in my mind."

"I need you, Rylee. My life is not right without you in it." I whisper, my lip trembling along with hers now. "I can't control my anger, I get drunk off my ass trying to mask the pain of missing you. I can't lose you again, Rylee. I can't." My voice cracks slightly.

"If you can't live without me there's more going on. I should not be your crutch either, Ashton. I- I can't be with someone who is giving into an addiction, Ashton." She sighs, almost nervous looking as she says it, "I am crazy, my mental health is never stable, and if you are drunk off your ass every night it's never going to work. I need to be the unstable in a relationship. If you want this, you have to figure out how to get in control of your alcohol problem and any other issue you are using me as a crutch for. No more clubs and random girls either. Do you know how much it hurt to see those articles? Even if we aren't together, we hadn't tried to fix shit yet, and it hurt to think you didn't even want to try."

"I was lost without you, Rylee, I didn't know what to do, or if you would ever give me even five seconds to try and fix things. I'm so sorry."

"I need you to do this for me, Ashton. Show me you want this, that you're willing to make the changes I need you to make to be with me. I love you, Ashton Irwin, not just in a you've been my best friend since I was five way. I love you like I have never loved anyone before and I want you to fix this. But you have to prove I am worth it, no more spilling my secrets, or sharing my information with anyone. And you have to get the alcohol in check. You can call me when you get there. Until then... well letters worked for nineteen years. Maybe we need to go back to that."

"Ry, please don't go." I grasp desperately as I realize what she is saying.

"I have to. I have my future to worry about, Ashton, and I am still determined to get what I deserve. I can't baby you through this. You have to make the choice and do what you need to be the man I need in my life if you want to be the man in my life." She gently pulls out of my deflating arms, taking a blanket with her as she collects her clothing from the floor.

My eyes burning with tears as she disappears into the bathroom. Reaching over the side of the bed I grab my boxers, pulling them on as my first tear falls. Sitting with my head in my hands waiting for her to come out again, I cannot let her go without a fight this time.

"Ry." I turn the second I hear the door open.

"I can't, Ashton." she interrupts, "You have to decide if you are going to be able to be the man I need. I can't make you change, and I don't want you to change who you are. But when something has become a problem, an addiction like this has, I can't stand for it, and it's not going to work with who I am mentally."

"I love you, Rylee." A sob suddenly bubbles from my chest as I stand to intercept her before she can disappear out the door. Catching her around the middle and pulling her into my chest.

"Love isn't enough right now, Ashton. I wish it was, but addiction and mental illnesses are real life. Love won't get us through those real life issues." She shakes her head, burying her face into my collarbone.

"Let it be enough. Please, Ry, please!" I sob, hugging her tighter to me. "Stay. I will get better. I will be who you need me to be. But please! Please don't leave me again."

"I have to, Ashton. I have to go. I can't be here to hold your hand. You have to do this for you and for us. I cannot be the one holding your hand through it all." Her fists tighten against my bare back as tears begin to slide down my chest, her sobs mixing with my own.

"Please stay..."

"I love you." She pulls back forcefully enough that I know I can't stop her.

"Stop." I shake my head.

"I can't stay." She whispers, pulling my face down gently until our lips meet. The taste of her tears etched into the desperate kiss.

"Please stay. I love you. Please stay." I sob quietly, leaving my forehead against hers.

She presses one more kiss to my lips softly before stepping away fully. "I love you, Ashton Irwin. With my whole heart."

"Ry... what am I supposed to do? Without you I'll have such a lonely heart." I sob.

Her eyes close tightly, shaking with sobs. "I love you." She forces out before turning quickly and leaving the room.

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Are you sobbing too?

Can Ashton fix himself for her?

Is it fair she is asking him to change if he wants to be with her?

What happens next?

Happy Birthday to the star of this story! Ashton Fletcher Irwin! If I get another chapter finished I might just double update! We'll see if I get there.

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)