Lonely Heart

Thirty-Two

Double update cuz it's Ashton's birthday! 🥳🥳🥳
———

Taking a deep breath I step out the backdoor into the warm sun, everyone's eyes immediately turning to me.

"Uh, hi." I wave awkwardly, wandering around the pool to where they are all seated on the patio furniture.

"You good?" Calum asks, breaking the silence.

"Not really." I sigh, dropping into an open chair, running a hand through my recently dyed hair, back to my natural color.

"Are you admitting you need help finally?" Luke asks hesitantly.

"Please." I nod, swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I don't want to cry.

"Hey, what's going on, Ashton?" Sierra is suddenly beside me, rubbing a soothing hand over my back, "What happened?"

"I have a problem. It's going to take everything in me to beat it, and I need all of your help with this." I say shakily.

"What are you admitting to, Ashton?" Michael asks quietly.

"I have an alcohol problem. Hell, I think it's an addiction, and I need you guys to help me stay accountable to getting out of this dependency on it. I called a local AA group and I went to a meeting this week, but I can't do this without all of your help too. I need to do this."

"What happened, Ash? When I picked you up from that club last weekend you wanted to beat the shit out of me because I knocked your drink out of your hand. Today you walked into my yard wanting to change? Humbling yourself into this place where you can admit your problems and faults?" Calum looks almost proud as he watches me.

"Someone else showed up to call me out on my bullshit..." I admit, "and the way she put it, it struck different. I'm sorry that I wasn't listening until it was her voice telling me what I had to do."

"She said it was the alcohol or her didn't she?" Crystal nods knowingly.

"There was a lot more to it than just the straight ultimatum but yes. She can't be with someone who is allowing their addiction to run their life, and that's exactly what I've let happen this summer. I owe all of you an apology for how I've treated you over the last few weeks. I haven't been a good person at all. It's about more than just Rylee though, I need to do this for me too, I don't want to be that person."

"We were trying to help you know? Telling you you had made this issue into a real problem." Luke chuckles.

"I know. I can see that now. I'm six days sober, I haven't had a drink since that night at the club you had to save me from, Calum. I'm sorry it took Rylee calling me out before I saw it for myself."

"Honestly whatever works. We just needed you to see the problem." Sierra smiles, "And of course we will help you out with staying sober."

"Anything you need from us, just like don't punch us out when we remind you on a hard day that you need to not grab for that beer." Michael chuckles.

"I won't. At least I will try not to. Sorry for that violent attack in South Korea, Cal. I never apologized for shoving you and trying to punch you..."

"You're figuring it out. That's what's important, Ash." Calum nods, "I will always be here to push you in the right direction, even if it means you're going to shove me on my ass a few more times in life. I wouldn't be living up to my best friend roll in life if I wasn't telling you the hard truths."

"Thank you, guys. It means a lot to still have you all her to help me and to stand with me through this."

•••

I smooth my hands over my black pencil skirt, taking a deep breath before knocking against the large wood door. I can't believe I might finally be getting my chance to pursue what I have always dreamed of, that I might actually have the chance to earn a post graduate degree in my field.

"Hello! You must be Rylee." The woman who answers is about my mom's age, laugh lines around her eyes, and wisps of gray growing in her pale blonde hair.

"Professor Young?"

"Oh please, call me Cassie, come on in, I am very excited to get to know you, Rylee." Sshe waves me forward, closing the door behind us.

"Thank you. I am really nervous and excited to be here." I laugh.

"Don't be nervous. From what I've seen of your work and understand of your situation from talking with past professors you are an amazing student, and human."

"You would think that would help me calm down, but now I'm even more afraid you are going to be very underwhelmed by who I am."

"Just relax, I'm not concerned about your grades, or academics at all. I am more worried about how you will stay on top of things if you go into a depressive episode, or a manic one. Clearly you have managed, but I want to understand what it's like for you so I know how to help if you need."

"Oh, well it does make things hard, especially when I'm also fighting my mind that likes to jump topics ever five seconds. When I'm depressive it's usually easier to fight than when I'm manic. Depressive means I don't leave the house, I'm in bed or on the couch as much as I can be, usually with my laptop on my lap and I can study a whole bunch of things at once and I have my way of taking notes and organizing my thoughts on paper in a way that I can learn from them. When I'm manic, things get a lot harder."

"How so?"

"When I'm manic, I'm impulsive. I fly across the ocean, or the country to confront someone. Or I buy two dozen lotions because I like how it smells. When I'm manic I'm more erratic, I can't sit down for a minute, so focusing enough to study anything is a nightmare. My previous roommate at Harvard was a saint, she would find ways to make my studying a game, a way to keep my brain and body moving while I still got studying done. She got a job down in Florida by her family though, so I will have to work on figuring out what I can do to study like she would help me do. Maybe you can help me find some new creative ways to do that? If you decide to take me on that is."

"I can handle erratic. I am a little bit of an unorganized mess too. I would love to expand my teaching and learning abilities by helping you study the best way for you. Even if someone can learn by sitting in a desk listening to me talk for hours, it is always more memorable and exciting to shake things up. As my assistant, you get to take classes here at the school, and also help teach me and co-write a new way of studying, teaching, and learning. A more inclusive way for those who do not learn the standard way. I want to revolutionize the way colleges look at kids who have mental struggles, learning disabilities, low attention spans, etc. And I feel like the easiest way to do that, is to bring on student assistants who has been overlooked for these things."

"Wait, by assistant you mean you want me to help you with a learning study. You want my knowledge as a woman with mental illnesses in writing a new curriculum to help people like me?" I nearly gawk at the idea.

"I have a young man who is on the autism spectrum also helping with this, and as we move forward I may bring on more students who have their own stories like these to widen our knowledge, study, and plan. Are you interested?" She smiles.

"Honestly, I love the idea, and if you are willing to take on people who are completely overlooked by everyone else. I would be honored to help you in this endeavor." My heart swells slightly at the prospect of turning a new page for people like me in the world.

"Then I think we should get you looking for a place in Pittsburgh. Because I want you to help me, Rylee. You seem like the perfect candidate."

"I can't wait to get started."

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Can Ashton get through his addiction recovery?

Will the job/school work out for Rylee?

How do they make them work? Can they?

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)