Cinders [Completed]

Chapter 26: Shame

I swear I hear the echo of a dirge playing as I make my own way to Orion's room. Forcing myself forward on inertia, I knock before my feet have even sunk into the thick carpet.

I wait for him. And wait. And wait. Maybe this is, like, an omen, that I shouldn't be doing this. Turning around and going back to my room is so tempting that I've taken a few steps back before I shake myself back into awareness. I knock again, and hear something like a distant "Come in" from inside.

I exhale and open the door.

The large, vaulted room is empty. The line of doors on the opposite wall are all closed.

"Orion?" I begin tentatively. I stand in the doorway, shifting on my feet anxiously.

My tongue is like sandpaper. I try to wet my lips, but my mouth is dry and my throat feels like it's closing up. Maybe he's not here? But then I hear a small shuffling noise on the inside of his bedroom. My stomach is migrating to my lungs.

Would it be more awkward for me to leave, now, when my scent will already be fresh in his room, or to wait for him? I open my mouth to call for him again, but it feels like there's sand in my lungs.

On shaky legs, I move towards the small sitting area, allowing the door to click shut behind me. An almost-full glass of water sits on the coffee table. Without letting myself think about it, I reach down, hoping to drown the desert of anxiety in my throat.

"Lee?" A voice calls just as my hand reaches the cup.

I whirl around and look up towards his now open bedroom door, where Orion stands, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips and otherwise very very naked.

The glass in my hand shakes violently, sending water splashing down the sides and onto the floor. I can hear it and feel it dripping off of my fingertips, but my vision is totally obscured by my other hand.

"I - I am so sorry!" I gasp out, too loudly. I flip my body around to face the door and try to force my legs to take me down the stairs and into the wilderness and find a nice rock for me to die on. But my legs don't respond - they only shake against each other. "I should not have barged in, I shouldn't have - "

"Lee," Orion's voice calls again from behind me. Very close behind me.

I nearly jump out of my skin and the cup tumbles from my hand onto the carpet with a dull thud, spilling the water everywhere in a massive incongruous circle.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." The words tumble from my mouth like habit and I wince. Dad doesn't like us to say sorry; it's just meaningless words. He spent years beating it out of us.

But I couldn't stop saying it, even when I was ten years old and he added an ember for every "Sorry" he heard.

"If you're sorry, then act like it. First, clean up the mess you made." An ember dropped from the fireplace into the iron bowl.

I kneel down on the floor and pick up the cup, grateful that is isn't broken. I stare at the sodden carpet in front of me in panic before beginning to dab at it with my shirt.

"After you've returned it back to its original state, you present it to the person you've wronged." Dad cinches the ember between barbecue tongs.

"I - I - I." The word gets caught in my throat. Maybe the punishments worked, after all.

"Then, expect fair retribution. You do not apologize; an apology is asking for forgiveness. You don't deserve forgiveness - you deserve punishment." The skin of my hip heats up as it is brought closer and closer -