This one's for you ~Matt Flyzik~

Chapter 23

  "You're a freaking idiot!" Alex growled as he opened the door.
"I know, I know, can I talk to her please?" I begged, Alex paused for a moment and stepped out the way, letting me in. "Look Alex..."
"Don't explain yourself to me, it's Ellie who you need to explain too. What got into you man?"
"I don't know." I sighed.
"She's in the living room, I'll be in the kitchen."
"Where's..."
"Out." He said bluntly before I could finish my sentence. "Hurt her, more, I hit you, got it?"
I nodded, hanging my head, I didn't really want Alex to hit me one, but I guessed I'd deserve it for being such an idiot.
"What do you want?" Ellie looked up to me as I walked into the living room, her eyes red and puffy, my heart broke into piece.
"I'm so sorry Ellie." I took a seat next to me. "I-I didn't mean it how it sounded."
"Then what did you mean Matt? Saying you doubted someone can only really ever sound, well one way. You doubted me."
"I-It's was the totally wrong word to use. I trust you, I always have, always will, with every inch of me. But..." I took a deep breath, "Ok, so there was this girl I was with, before Kendra...she slept with Ashby, behind my back. He was stoned and drunk off his backside, she's the one who started it and, well, Alan is stupid when he's not sober, he doesn't think and yeah, they slept together. Alan was so riddled with guilt the next morning, he called me right away, told me, apologizing to no end, not that I wanted to hear it at the time. Anyway, that's what broke us up. I've only been with three girls, all three cheated on me, so, I don't know, I get jealous and that picture, Alan's hands, your face, I guess the past came to bite me on the ass. I'm not saying I thought you did anything, and I believe you when you say you stopped him and all that. I never doubted my trust in you, I know you wouldn't do anything like that. But like I said earlier, I know what Alan can be like, and then, for some reason New years came to my mind, sending my head in to god knows what. A-and I just didn't get why you didn't tell me, it was two nights ago, we'd spoken. I-I felt like you felt you couldn't tell me for whatever reason, maybe you thought I'd have it out with Alan, or I don't know, but I just didn't understand why you didn't tell me. And it all just spiraled."
Ellie looked up at me and gave a sigh. "Ok firstly, you should know full well by now I'm nothing like your exes, of course I'd never do anything to hurt you. I fucking love you Matt, nothing's ever going to change that. Secondly, do you really think Alan is capable of hurting me like that? I barely know the guy but I know he wouldn't do that! What happened New year's messed me up too, you know that, but you can't just think every time you're not with me something bad is going to happen to hurt me or something. Thirdly, the only reason I didn't tell you is because I thought nothing of it. The guys grab and smack my ass all the time and you never care. If Alan had grabbed me else where, I'd of called you on the spot, but we where dancing, his hands snaked down to my ass and I did the whole push him away, slap him the second it registered. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal, I dealt with it, Alan apologized and that was that. In hindsight, maybe I should have told you, but at the time, it was nothing. Have you not noticed that when Lex does it, or Zack I slap them too? That's what I do, someone, aside you, grabs my butt, I slap them. Plus I knew Alan was drunk, so yeah, just didn't seem like a big deal, that's why I didn't say anything, and I'd forgotten it too as I had a hundred and one things to do for the next show until Vic brought it up in the evening."
"I know, I'm so sorry Ellie, I was stupid." I hung my head, I really had been stupid, I'd let past cloud my judgment, for no reason.
"Yeah, you where. Look, Matt, I love you, so freaking much it hurts, but there's going to be times we're not together. There's going to be times I'm going to go out without you, go home to England without you, do my own things, shit like that is important in relationships, you know that. But it's just not right if when I do go, you're just going to be sat worrying about me. Sat worrying about someone who may touch me the wrong way, say the wrong thing, throw a punch my way or anything like that. I can't go out worrying about what you're worrying about, making sure I don't do certain things, just incase the pap's catch the wrong moment and make up some bull story. I need to know, when I go out, you trust me, one hundred percent to handle myself. Matt, I worked behind a bar for pete's sake, I'm so beyond used to drunk idiots it's not even funny. You need to trust that I will tell you if it's significant, and maybe not if it was nothing. And I shouldn't have to tell you every single time if someone grabbed my butt, or hit on me, just like you shouldn't have to tell me. Of course, there's a line and it's over stepped I will tell you, but, shit like that's going to happen."
"I know, you're right, and I do trust you, with everything I have, I just...I guess for a moment I let the past get the better of me and I didn't actually stop and think before I opened my damn mouth."
"Well next time stop and think, you should know me well enough by now Matt."
"I do, I know, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am." I lent my head on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."