O.K. doe 💖

I Keep On Having You On My Mind

December 2017

"Can you hand me that turkey Katy?" asked Angela as the whole family, including my parent, my grandma and siblings were eating the christmas dinner together. I handed her the turkey that were standing in a white bowl on the dinner table. I didn't talk much this time and I have to admit it... It was wierd. But I had so much to think about right now. My hair that once were long and black was now all short in a pixie cut and blond, I was on Witness the tour and people where still talking about me and Lando... hmmm, Lando. I miss him soooo much. Why is it so hard to get over him? It's been months and...

"Hello? Katy? Will you tell us what you think so much about again?" asked my mother nicely but still irritated that I wasn't listening to the others. 

"Yeah, ummm... It's nothing." I said becouse I really didn't want to ruin the christmas mood just to talk about my s**t. I took another bite of the turkey and felt everyone staring at me.

"Nothing huh? It that nothing 1,8 m high, has brown curls and british?" Angela said and smiled at me. I really were not in the mood for this conversation. The truth is that I can't forget him. He is always in the back of my mind when ever I'm preforming on stage, going on a walk with Nugget or falling asleep. I wanted to change the topic which made me sound kind of mean:

"Oh, we just love bringing up my exes at the family dinner, am I right Angie?" 

"Chill out Kate, the whole world can see that you two still have something between you. You just act like it's not ture." Angela answered and everyone looked back at me again. I felt like I was about to blow like a bomb. Was it that clear? I meet Lando once in a cafe a few week age and the paparatzi saw us, but we were just talking. 

"Angela, stop. We have broken up. He for sure have moved on anyways!" I said and let go of the fork I was holding. 

"Yes, exaclly! You are broken up just becouse you got scared of the resposibility of holding up a relationship! What was the problem? Did you think he would leave you over text message like Russell?" she said continuing the topic. 

I standed up from the chair I was sitting on doing a fast move. Some of the family members reacted by getting scared and looked at us fighting. Our mother tried to stop us but I wasn't listening to any word she said as I was yelling at my bigger sister:

"You don't have any idea of what I felt back then and how the f**k do you even dare to bring that up? The whole world hates me for cutting my hair, taking a break from him, and I do too. You don't even know how much I hate myself. I hate the reflection of my face in the mirror and I hate that I'm always all alone in this bulls**t! Sooo just f**k off!" I left the room right after I exploded and started crying right away. All of this was really just killing me slowly. 

I locked myself at my room in the cabin my family rented for this christmas and sat down on the floor while holding around my knees and leaned my head into the wall. I took my phone out off my pocket and opened my gallery after I entered the security code. The first picture I saw was a photo of me, Lando and little Flynny when we were at Disney Land. I remeber Flynn loved it there, all the rides, the castle and food... He loved it all and we promised to get back there someday. Well, that didn't happen becouse I was to stupid to understand what Angela said. I looked at the photo but locked my phone right after a few secounds of intensive staring.

An hour passed and I was just sitting in the same position and spot. Another hour passed and I didn't even wanted to stand up. After I won the fight with myself I standed up and opened the door back again. I took a deep breathe and went to apologize then for how mean I was back at the dinner table. I decided to leave right after and go back home.

Creators Note:

Yes, I know. It's really boring to see the "Creators Note" again. Hahah. But I just love to interact with you and get to know what you think. And don't worry, you can be honest. 

This chapter was a little shorter than the others but I will admit that the next one will be seriously longer. At least that is the plan. I hope you liked this chapter and the next ones that will be coming. Love you and see you soon!