The Frankenstein Complex

Handbook For The Recently Deceased

"If you're going to live like a ghost, you've got to follow the rules. Rule number one, don't leave the house" Beetlejuice says after we finish scaring off a Girl Scout, a census man, a pizza deliver boy, a UPS delivery man, and a neighbor.
"Why not?" I ask him curious as to why this has changed.
He snaps his fingers and the front door opens, a force threatens to pulls us towards the opening where a giant snake like creature pops out.
"That's enough!" I faintly hear him yell over the violent wind.
"That is a sandworm! And they eat ghosts!" he explains "Rule number two: every new ghost gets a... tote bag!" He exclaims, one of his many doppelgängers hands me a tote bag with the NPR logo on it
"National Public Radio?" I ask, kind of amused.
"That's where tote bags come from" he says with a smile as I put one of the straps on my shoulder.
"There's lots of cool stuff in there, there's a bath bomb, there's a Toblerone, there's a book you're never going to read" I dig through the bag with one hand as he speaks and pull out the book.
"Handbook for the recently deceased?" I say, examining the old book.
"That's the one! But, Since you're not actually dead, want to see a sad puppet show?"
He goes to take the book from my hand but I brush him off.
"Could I use this to find my mom?" I ask.
"Your mom? Your mom's dead. She's in the netherworld." He says, not understanding what I'm getting at.
"The netherworld? Well, Could I bring her back? Could I bring her back here?" I ask, determined to get answers from him.
"What?! Why would anyone want to spend more time with their mother? Did I mention that my mom is a demon? She's impossible, she'd start drinking and I'd be like: "Mom, stop drinking, it's either me or the booze" and then she'd be like: "Well then I choose the booze!" Point is, we just got rid of your dad and we were having so much fun together!" he says, I do feel bad for him, I just need to see my mom even if it is just one more time.
I try to open the book but, it stays firmly shut as I pull on the cover.
"I can't open it." I say holding the book out to him.
"Well yeah, cause you're not recently deceased" he says, pointing to the title on the cover.
"Beetlejuice, you're dead. Why won't you open it for me?" I ask, attempting to guilt trip him into opening the book as we walk up the stairs, going through my bedroom window onto the roof.
"Lydia, there are something's more disappointing than losing a parent. I don't want you to regret this" he says as we sit down, a moment of silence passes before I respond.
"I won't. Please, help me with this" I say, he pulls out the box of Girl Scout cookies and opens the package, handing me a thin mint before taking a bite of his own.
"Babes, these things always come at a price" his tone warning me that if there was a time to back out, it's now.
"And I'll pay it, just tell me what it is" I say, eating my cookie before the chocolate melts.
He looks at me with a glint of something in his eye, pity? Understanding? No, familiarity.
"These things don't always work out the way we want, I didn't used to be alone in this house before the Maitland's, I went looking for something, someone I shouldn't have and it cost the only thing that could see me" A sadness washes over me as I look into his eyes and see the regret he still feels.
"What's the price, Beetlejuice?" I ask softly, he lifts his head and eats another cookie.
"The books price is always different, depends on what you want. I'm sorry to say that there's two prices to this deal if I open it for you and I think maybe you should ask the Maitland's before you hear the other price." He says, I reach over and squeeze his hand.
"Okay" I nod and give him a firm kiss on his cheek before going through my window and to the attic.
The Maitland's immediately stop what they're doing and look at me as I enter the room, I stand in the middle of the room.
"Would either of you want to open this for me?" I ask, waving the book a little.
"What is that? Is that an old book? I love old books" Adam says, lovingly.
"There are two kinds of people in this world: new car smell people" Barbara says coming up to me, Adam crossing over to us shortly after.
"And old book smell people" Adam finishes her sentence.
"And we're all old book smell people" I say with a smile as I bring the book up and we smell it briefly "do either of you want to open it for me?" I hold the book out to Adam as Barbara contemplates the title aloud, he takes it as I ask him to do the honours.
"Where did you get it?" Barbara asks.
"Beetlejuice gave it to me, I'm going to use it to bring my mom back from the netherworld" I respond briefly.
We gather close as he opens the book, a light shining off of it as we look at the intro page.
"Woah, this is such an interesting font" Adam says, I lean my head on his shoulder as Barbara gives him a look.
He begins reading it out loud, talking about how all ghosts have to report directly to the netherworld.
"Does it say anything about summoning, some seances?" I ask, flipping pages.
"Hold on! It says we should draw a door! Now, normally I would use a plumbline for this but, I'm not too shabby with the freehand" He announces going to grab something, he taps a piece of chalk against my nose as he passes me, drawing a door on the shelving of the closest wall to us.
"A little crooked... Knock three times" he says, reading from the book "here goes nothing" he hands the book to Barbara and turns, he knocks on the shelving three times, it opens and green light seeps into the attic followed by a layer of fog.
"Is that the Netherworld?" I ask as Adam stares in through the door.
"Netherworld! Netherworld!" Adam calls out as he is drawn to the door, I run to the door but, just as I get to it Barbara slams it shut.
"This book is dangerous!" She yells while shutting the book.
"No, don't close that!" I say, too late.
"This is wrong, it's all wrong!" She shouts, I feel a pang of betrayal at her words.
"I thought you were on my side!" I say defensively.
"We are but, Lydia you can't live like this. In a haunted house, all alone" she says, her tone softening as she looks at me.
"I've been alone since my mother died, I have a chance to see her again, please." I go up to her, pleading.
"I can't, it's too risky" she responds, I turn to leave the room.
"Fine, Beetlejuice will help me!" I exclaim, opening the door and stepping out.
"Lydia! Wait!" Adam calls after me, I turn back to him.
"We're scared for you" Barbara says, my eyes narrow at her as she speaks.
"You're scared of everything! That's why you're stuck in the attic!" I sneer at them, slamming the door shut behind me, I run to my bedroom window and climb onto the roof.
Beetlejuice is sitting exactly where he was when I left, I go up to him and sit down.
"They slammed the book in my face" I say quietly, looking to the ground.
He places a hand on mine, silence surrounding us as we remain unmoving.
"What's the price?" I ask, holding the book out to him.
"Marry me" he says, I do a double take making sure I heard him correctly.
In a second I have my mind made, this is a price I don't mind paying.
"Yes" I say, pushing the book to his chest.
"Don't you want to think it through?" He asks, I shake my head as I straddle his hips, I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder.
"You already live here, we share a bed, I don't mind spending my life with you" I say, the sound of two cars coming up the hill causing me to pull away from him and stand up, offering my hand to him.
"Come on, we have a seance to conduct" I say, his cold hand slides into mine and he stands.
We go into my room and he flips through the book to find the right passage.
"Hello! Stripey ghost man! I've returned to pry my beloved daughter from your cold, dead hands!" I hear my fathers voice come from down the stairs.
"This is the one" Beetlejuice says pointing to an excerpt in the book, I hold the book open with my thumb as I walk down the hall.
"LEAVE. THIS. HOUSE. The ghosts who dwell here want you GONE. And so do I!" I yell as I stand on the landing.
"Otho, do something!" My dad yells as I hold open the book.
"Okay!" He yells back in an alarmed voice, it being clear that he did not sign up for a real haunting.
"Lydia, you are under the influence of dark forces." My father says, I hold back a smirk.
"No Dad. I'm the dark force. And I'm bringing mom back!" I shout angrily before reading the passage aloud, unaware of my surroundings as I read "Spirit nearest, hearts entwine. Love infernal, shade unblind. I summon thee, lend Ceres' breath. Devoted soul, released from death!" A bright light shines from the box they brought, a figure rising from it.
"Mom?!" I yell as Adam runs into the room, panicked.
"Barbara!" He yells.
"Barbara?" I say in confusion, as she materialises.
Her screams of pain fill the house, Adam rushes to her and calls her name.
"What's happening to her?!" He asks me.
"I don't know. It was supposed to be my mom." I say, flipping frantically through the book to undo what I've just caused.
"Lydia, what did you do?" My father calls out.
"I don't know! I don't KNOW!" I say, panic setting in as I can't find the answer in the book, Barbara screams again and I throw the book to the ground as I rush down the stairs.
Beetlejuice appears to my left, I turn to him with what I'm sure is a pleading expression on my face.
"The book has a price" he says, looking at the scene unfurling in front of him, I place my hands on his chest and grip his lapels tightly.
"How do I stop it?!" I exclaim, his eyes bore into mine as we stand there, Barbara starting to scream once more, a bright green light fills the room and I turn to it, it's source is an open door in the wall.
"Don't take the prize" he says, as we walk to it, I see what looks like a female figure walking to the door through the thick fog and send a brief look over my shoulder to the people in the living room before I grab the handle and pull it shut.
Barbara drops in a heap and Adam rushes to her, Beetlejuice opens his arms, offering to comfort me when I know I don't deserve it.
I wrap my arms around him and collapse in his welcoming embrace, I whisper an apology in his ear and give him a kiss the cheek as I pull away.
"I'm sorry Barbara, I didn't know that it would be a trade, I'm so sorry" I say, giving her a hug.
"Sorry to wreck the moment, but can we please talk about the demon in the room?" My dad says, I pull away from Barbara, Beetlejuice points to himself as if he needs clarification on who the demon is.
"The demon stays" I say, entwining my arm with Beetlejuice's as if that will protect him.
"Charles lets talk about this in the morning" Delia says, pulling him up the stairs.
Beetlejuice and I explain what just happened from our perspectives to the Maitland's and when we feel they have a good understanding and have no questions unanswered we go up to bed for the night.