ONYX✔️

Chapter 48

Blinking my eyes open, I see stars. Literally- I see actual stars. I'm outside.

My eyes blink a few more times, and I squint. No, I realize, I'm inside. In Finn's bedroom.

I sit up quickly, jumping when I see Finn sitting in a chair in the corner. "W-what happened?" I ask, groaning as I rub my temples. It feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Repeatedly.

Finn gets out of his chair, and sits on the edge of the bed, his eyebrows pulled together. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Frowning, I struggle to recollect what happened. I was in Finn's room. We went to the library to see Kallista and Astrid. We talked about Grey. "I-I don't know what happened," I groan again as I feel a searing pain in my head. "I was talking about Greyson... I don't know what happened after that."

Finn looks at me in sympathy and takes my hand. "Astrid thinks you had a panic attack and passed out. She said it looked like you couldn't breathe. She called for Ronin and me once you and Kallista were unconscious."

Panic floods me. "Oh my God, my Gift," I gasp. "Did I kill her?"

"What?" He asks in confusion, before his eyes flash in recognition. "You didn't use your Gift against her. Her Gift is the reason she passed out. She woke up already, and I spoke with her. She said... She said your emotions were too intense and it knocked her out. She could feel what you were feeling, and when you had the panic attack..." His voice trails off, and he looks away.

I get up off the bed, and tell Finn, "I have to go apologize to her. Where is she?"

"Maybe you should take it easy for awhile?" Finn suggests, looking at me in concern. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to see her right now. Not after what happened the last time."

My eyes widen. "I won't hurt her, Finn. I wouldn't do that. I swear it was just an accident, I didn't mean to-"

Finn cuts me off. "It's not Kallista I'm worried about. I shouldn't have forced you to talk to them. I shouldn't have pushed for it, Onyx, I'm so sorry."

I shrug. "It probably would have happened sooner or later." Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to laugh overtakes me, and soon, I'm doubled over as giggles spill from my lips. "Oh my God, I am such a disaster," I say as I'm laughing so hard tears start to form in my eyes.

"Onyx, maybe you should-"

"I can't even imagine what Grey would say if he saw me like this," I snort. "Actually- no, I can. He would be like: 'Nyx baby, you're being a drama queen. Not even I care about what happened that much, and I'm the one who died'."

I feel slightly delirious, but for some reason, thinking of Greyson's reaction makes me laugh unbearably hard. I'm actually going crazy.

"He wouldn't want you to torment yourself like this," Finn gently claims. "He sounds like he was a really good guy. I wish I got the chance to meet him."

My smile fades as the reality of the situation sets back in. "He was," I say softly, and Finn gives me an encouraging smile. "You would have liked him. You both complain a lot about New Girl."

Finn laughs gently. "I can see he had excellent taste as well."

I look out the window and see that the sun is setting. "He liked sunsets, too. More than sunrises, that's for sure. He wasn't overly thrilled when I would wake him up at the crack of dawn to watch the sun rise, but we never missed a sunset," I tell him for some reason. It hurts less than I thought it would.

"Keep focusing on the good memories, Onyx," Finn says and squeezes my hand reassuringly. "It's how he would want you to remember him."

I smile sadly, and I realize that he's right. Replaying his death in my mind on a loop is doing more harm than good, and it's clearly a trigger for my anxiety. I know one day I'll have to confront the memory- but today is not the day.