TW: mentions of suicide, suicide, major character death, angst, mentions of guns
I started walking towards the cemetery, it was that one day of the year again, when the sky was grey and the birds were quiet. It always hurt the most to wake up, wake up and not see him besides me, everyday for two years, waking up without him.
I was moving on autopilot, there was no emotion in my body anymore, just a dark empty hole which couldn't ever be filled again.
Walking down the streets that used to be ours, skipping past the trees swiftly just like he used to do since he was afraid something was hiding deep in the woods. I never could've imagined a world without him until suddenly it was a reality, suddenly I couldn't hold onto him anymore.
I reached the graveyard, it was so cold, so empty. Almost painful. Because nothing could be quite painful anymore, when you've experienced the greatest pain, it doesn't matter.
I held onto the memories of him, him jumping around onstage screaming his lungs out, him holding me until I fell asleep in his arms, his smile, his eyes, my everything.
Everything that he once was protecting me from the pain that was the reality, Awsten killed himself, and there was nothing I could do but mourn and wish to take them back; the hurtful words I had said that night.
I wish I would've run after him, stopped him, saved him, but instead I stayed, too afraid to admit to my own mistake. Too afraid of the reality that whatever happened next would be because of me.
That one stupid twenty one pilots song that their fans apparently hated popped up in my head, it's not even a sad song, but the words made me cry. I knew I couldn't go back, and that was the most painful part, I could never ever go back.
-I'm so sorry... I said as I was faced with his gravestone, pale and cold standing alone on the damp ground.
Tears once again rimmed my eyes as I sank to the ground in front of the stone. How was I supposed to live on when he wasn't here, I knew I couldn't.
-Goodbye my dear, the words left my mouth as I pulled the trigger.
"You're here too?" Awsten asked as I walked into whatever darkness he was hiding in
"Yes" I responded, it was quite a stupid question.
"You know I kept thinking that I would wake up" Awsten said looking into my brown eyes with his heterochromatic ones. "But i never did"
"I know, but I'm here now, there's no reason to wake up" I stated looking at him
"Oh, Otto, you're not here."
