Flatline

lost my power

Think, Hayley. Just think.

Her thoughts were all over the place. She just wanted something coherent. A thought that made sense, but none of them seemed to. Her mind was simply torturing her by replaying the scene over and over.

Two few days had passed. Taylor and Zac had both tried to come over but she really didn't want to see them. She felt too embarrassed they had to see her in that situation. Lukas hadn't actually contacted her until now, which was surprising.

She heard the front door open from her bedroom and panic immediately rocked through her body. Only Lukas and Taylor still had keys, so this could've gone either way.

Her hopes for it to be Taylor obliterated when she heard Lukas call her name. She tried to think. Don't freak out. Get out of the bedroom. Following her own instructions, she prepared herself to finally face him. She was wearing the least sexual outfit ever — a hoodie and sweatpants with her hair pulled back into a ponytail.

Lukas saw her and smiled. She didn't smile back.

He walked towards her, noticing how tightly Hayley was gripping onto her bedroom door handle. "What's wrong?"

Hayley shook her head, walking downstairs to the kitchen, with Lukas following close behind. He made himself a glass of water, then sat down with Hayley.

"I think we should stop seeing each other," she let out in one breathe. "I can't be dating right now. I'm not ready to be in a relationship and I don't want us to go any further than it already has," he stared at her, trying to figure out what he had done.

"What did I do wrong?" He whispered. She finally looked up to him, wondering whether to tell him the truth or not, or for that matter, if he even remembered what he did. If he knew, he would be very apologetic and give her all the space and time she wanted, but she really just didn't want to see him ever again. "Is this about Taylor? You know I would never hurt you like he did. I wouldn't dream of it," he tried to take her hands but she pulled away almost instantly.

She searched her mind for the right words, but absolutely nothing came.

"Did something happen at the party? Did I say something? Did one of my friends? Or did Taylor—"

"It's not about Taylor. Or you," she blinked away the tears that tried to fall. "I just can't do this right now," he didn't look even slightly okay. His eyes were sad and he just kept repeating why? In his mind.

He put her house key down on the table and went to gather his things from around the house. Hayley waited silently in the kitchen, not wanting to go back up to her room with him still in the house. He left without saying anything to her at all.

—

The next day, Hayley had finally worked up the courage to pick up the rest of her things from Lukas' house. That didn't make her any less scared though — even more so considering she still didn't know if it was just a drunk mistake or whether he knew what he was doing.

She silently went around his house, grabbing all her things she could find. It would've been easier if he had gathered them for her, but she didn't do that for him. (But really he wasn't the one that was so badly hurt that night).

Once Hayley got to his room, she first inspected the damage of the door. There was no handle on the outside and the wood around where the handle should've been was dented. She took a minute of deep breathes, trying to calm the panic rising in her, then entered the room. Her eyes stayed down, just grabbing the few tops of hers, her spare phone charger and a mascara.

"So this is the end?" She spun around at the sound of his voice. Lukas was hanging at the doorframe. No words came from her, just shoving the tops into her bag. She never realised how much stuff she had brought here over the last few weeks.

"I can tell Something is wrong. Why won't you just tell me what it is?" She thought for a moment. Finally, a reasonable thought.

Why wasn't she telling him?

Was she trying to protect him? He definitely didn't deserve it.

Their eyes connected and guilt spread through her body. She was going to do it. But not in here. Walking towards the door, she kept her head down but he stopped her, blocking her way out.

"Please, just talk to me," she felt the same terrified feeling she had in her stomach for that last week. It made her want to be sick at not being able to get out of the room.

"Not in here," she very shakily let out, trying not to cry. They got down to the living room. He offered a seat but she didn't take it.

"At the party...we—well, we were together and you were so drunk so I tried to get you into bed," he stared at her, confused. "And you started kissing me and—and telling me to stay,"
She had to blink back a tear to keep her composure. "I said no and tried to go back downstairs but you wouldn't let me," the tear fell anyway, betraying her wishes to look strong. "And then...and then things escalated and you—" she couldn't bear to go any further, staring down as he put the pieces together in his head.

Of course, he immediately stood up and walked over to her, but her new, much more cautious instincts made her take some steps back.

"Hayley I—I don't—" he let out a breathe. "No. I would never hurt any woman like that. Never. You know that," she said nothing. He turned, putting his hands on his head.

"Oh my god, no. There's no way," He continued to put the pieces together in his mind and it all made sense now. Why she couldn't be within a metre of him, why she would barely look at him, her breaking things off with him.

"I am so sorry, Hayley. I'm so sorry. I don't even remember it. I wasn't—I wasn't aware of what I was doing." He tried to walk to her again but got the same reaction. Hayley took this as an opportunity to leave, with nothing else to say to him. She got to the door and he chased after her.

"Are you going to go to the police?" He asked quietly. "Because you know this is the only time that something like this has ever happened. And it would never happen again," she could think of a million things to say to this. All describing how angry she was and how she could let him rot in jail for the rest of his life, but she couldn't say any of it.

"Neither of us need to go through that,"

Maybe she should have gone to the police, but in that moment, she knew that it would mean a very public trial and she didn't want that.