An Instinct

The Wisp Sings

I agreed to take a stroll with Louis. At first, I hesitated, but when I saw the look in his eyes, I saw the glimmering highlights of the rain last night. Even though I resented the rain, I love the sky. I love the time I spent gazing up at it. Even as tall as I am right now, I still am too far away from the clouds that hide their tears, only to break when it became too much to bear. 

I want to break open like that. To let my tears fall in broad daylight, not when gazing at the deep night sky. The sky didn't need to see gloom looming over my face. It should see my glimmering gray eyes, it should embrace the creases upon my face as I cry.

I stare ahead of me while walking next to Louis. He looks deep in thought. Like he was trying to form words with the flat expression written on his face.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to say it at the right time. But my chest felt tight thinking about the words my mind chimes. Maybe I shouldn't say a word.

I should acknowledge the silence surrounding us. Our heartbeats pumping red blood. 

"What were you like before coming to school, Legoshi?" Louis blurted out. He looked up at me with a fierce gaze. 

I stuttered out  " What d-do you mean L-Louis?"

"What were you like as a child, what was your personality?" Louis explains.

I stop in my tracks just beside a bench. He goes over to it and sits down.

I stared at the ground. What was I like?

I remember the deep loneliness I felt. The void in between my world. I saw everyone else around me kiss and hug their moms while mine was away withering in a locked up room. I felt envy and jealously conquer me during those times. I was so frustrated at time and the way it passed by. 

It took so long for that door to open. And so long for her to speak to me face to face, while my eyes were closed hoping that she wouldn't here the hitch in my breathing. 

All those memories and unfortunately she became a memory. But I did learn something from her fatal death. Not all wandering souls are lost. They just want to feel profound i their own sense.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't feel the tears trickling down. 

I did it.

I broke open.

But how do fix myself?

"Let me sleep"
"I am tired of my grief"

"And I would like you"
"To love me, to love me, to love me"