The green eyes I wanted to find

Chapter 9

The next morning, I woke at 6am and as soon as I recognized my surroundings, I remembered everything and started to cry again and it took me forever to finally stop. I got up, still dressed from yesterday, and walked to the toilet. The face I saw in the mirror looked like a monster. My hair seemed like it had literally a bad hair day, my eyes were swollen and red and my make-up was almost completely gone, some black rest of it under my eyes. Well, I thought to myself. Your face is like a mirror to your soul. I am a monster.

I washed my face and stared at myself, at my dropping wet face in the mirror. The bright smiling, all over happy girl was gone. An empty soul, a ghost looked at me. And I did all this to me.

This day the company I worked at wasn't open, so I sat down on the couch again once I had arrived in my office and thought about how I should go on now. Where should I go? I have sold my old flat as soon as I moved in with Jonny, there was nowhere I could sleep now. To a hotel? A hotel... I suddenly remembered that my old friend Alice owned a hotel in North London. I didn't waste some other thoughts of it, it was my only opportunity to go to, and called her.

"Hello, it's Alice Ree..." I interrupted her.

"Alice! I'm so happy..." Tears began to form in my eyes again.

She recognized me at once and shouted my name in astonishment.

"It's you! I haven't heard of you for ages! Darling what happened?"

"I... I have a problem... I have no place to stay anymore... Could I...maybe stay at yours? Your hotel, I mean?", I managed to reply between sobs.

"Oh my god, of course, where are you? I'll prepare a room for you as soon as possible!", she offered concernedly.

"I'm at my office, I stayed there over night, I just can't..."

"Wait. You'll stay there, don't move, I'll pick you up! See you in ten minutes!" I heard her making sounds in the background, then uttering a quiet "poor thing" to herself before she finished the call.

I didn't know in which speed she rode all the way to my office at almost the other end of the city, but she arrived right after ten minutes and got off the car quickly. Alice pulled me into a long hug.

"Oh no, sweetie, I wouldn't have imagined seeing you in such a bad constitution! What on earth did that to you?" I felt a bit relieved in this moment and tears slowly stopped streaming down my face.

"I...did it to me... I'm such a cunt..."

"What? How?" She was a bit puzzled. "And, I'm sorry, but Joe's waiting for me at the hotel, he's just tentative at the desk, so, we should hurry a bit..." I nodded and tried to clean my face with my sleeve.

Alice lead me to the car carefully, put my bag into it and held me the door open. She got onto the driver's seat and drove onto the street.

"So what exactly happened?", she interrupted the silence. "Again such a wanker who broke your heart?"

"No...not this time... This time...it was me who broke someone's heart..." I burst into tears again.

"What?! You're kidding!" Alice looked at me from the right. "Who was it? How did you do that?"

"It was... Jonny Buckland..." I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.

"Coldplay's guitarist? Hey...wait a minute. You were in a relationship with Coldplay's guitarist? And now broke his heart?"

"Yes. I had never meant to do so. I was drunk. Guy seduced me. We slept together. Jonny found out. The usual cliché. But Jonny is not usual. He is the love of my life and you can't imagine how...often...I had slapped myself for being...such an...asshole... I can't describe how deeply ashamed I'm feeling... I hate myself so much..."