Rewind

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

     I find myself pacing back and forth in my wedding dress and heels in front of the groom's room with my hands locked together under my chin as my mind broods nervously over the exact words that I'm going to say. Never would it have occurred to my ten-year-old self that I'll be one of those runaway brides, and the fact that I haven't even talked to my parents about what I am about to do now makes me nauseous.

After Lexi's confrontation about how everybody's lying to me, and her weird accusations on Adrien that I haven't yet made sense of, she told me to cancel off the wedding. Her exact words were, "If you're so adamant on finding out the truth, I'll tell you everything but not before you cancel it. Trust me," she said with such honesty in her eyes I've never seen before. "It's for the best."

At first, I was so against the idea. Without a doubt, I trust Lexi more than anyone else right at this moment in my life, and she's right: I wouldn't want to marry someone who is lying straight to my face about everything and according to her, lying is the best worst quality of Adrien's.

How she knows that is way beyond me, but she promised that I'll understand everything very soon, and perhaps that's the only motive driving me to not give up.

At the same time, though, I don't know if I can just shrug off all my feelings for Adrien in a night- let alone a minute- because of a sudden confrontation from my best friend. I have to admit that in these past few days, I've been trying to imagine how my life with Adrien is going to be after we get married, and my imagination didn't serve me any good. Though I love Adrien- I really do- I hate how he loses his temper so easily. Not only that, but also how he doesn't care about the money he throws away without a second thought, so for the past few days, I've already been thinking deeply about whether or not I should proceed with marrying him and reached the conclusion with my inner self that I don't really want to.

I know what you're thinking: why the hell didn't I say anything then?

The truth is, I was afraid of the consequences of what would happen if I told him off. Other than my fear and dread for heartbreak, I felt embarrassed to admit my true feelings to my parents, to face Adrien and to call the five hundred people invited by my parents, who I probably don't even know half of, to notify them not to come since there's no wedding to attend to in the first place.

The mortifying truth that I'll forever keep sealed inside of me till the day I die is that I was now taking advantage of Lexi's confession as an opportunity to run away from the life that I was somewhat excited for yet so afraid and hesitant to live.

Even though I was somehow terrified that Adrien would end up being the only person who loves me like I love him, I decided that I'll call the wedding off. I came to the conclusion that learning the truth first then figuring out what I want to do with my love life, especially since I was still contemplating whether or not he's the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, can't be such a bad idea.

In my head.

The plan didn't seem so bad in my head until I remembered that I'd have to confront my parents and Adrien. What do I tell my parents? What do I even tell Adrien? Would I be able to look him in the eye and tell him 'it's over'?

God! He'll hate me so much, and I probably won't even be able to blame him, but can I handle it- the heartbreak?

Or will it be too much to take?

Should I mention what Lexi told me?

No, that would be a terrible idea since she mentioned how they threatened her not to tell me the truth, and how dare they threaten her?