High School Sweethearts

Am I crazy?

Third person POV
School started. As expected nobody was excited. Who would be? Natasha and Steve were almost all the time together. They talked a lot, like a LOT. Natasha was still feeling guilty but Steve tried as much as he could to reassure her that hes not mad anymore. Also, her mood was always so weird. She would be really happy for a week and then she would be full on depressed. But she wasn't showing it much lately. Steve would try and make her laugh, which almost always worked.
Right now was one of the days where she wasn't feeling like herself.
They were all sitting at the bleachers. Natasha was laying there, with her head on Steve's lap. He was playing with her curls.

Wanda, Pepper and Carol were sitting with them, followed by Tony and Bucky. God knows where Sam and Maria were.
W:"Bad day babe?"
Wanda asked Natasha, looking at her with a sad smile.
N:"Yeah" she said with her eyes closed and in a whisper
W:"You've been having a lot of those, these days"
N:"I'm just tired"
S:"Wanna go home Nat" Steve asked her looking down at her closed eye lids.
N:"Yes"
S:"Okay, let's go"
N:"What about school?"
S:, I'll take care of it later, don't worry about it"
N:"Okay"
She got up and said bye to everyone. Steve told her to go to his car and wait a minute for him
T:"What's up with her?" Tony asked
S:"I don't know, she won't talk to me"
P:"Maybe she's on her period"
C:"She's never like this when she's on her period, she's just crancky then"
B:"Maybe she's pregnant" Bucky said with a smirk
S:"Noup, not pregnant" Steve said. He said bye to their friends and went to meet with Natasha, who was already half asleep in his car.
He drove in silence, not wanting to wake her up. When he was i her driveway, je woke her up gently.
S:"Were here Nat"
N:"Could you stay with me?"
S:"Yeah of course, come on"
He helped her out and into the house. It was the middle of the day, so her house was empty. Her parents were working, her sister was off to college again and the twins were ih school.
So he walked with her to her room and snuggled up with her on her bed.
S:"Do you wanna talk about this?" he whispered to her, gently stroking her hair.

She was silent for a minute.
N:"I'm scared. I feel so.. like.. like I'm not okay. I don't feel normal. I feel like I'm not the one controlling my body and like I'm not that interested in life. It's hard to tell without sounding crazy but I feel so weird. Like I wanna jump around and sing, one day, and then cry and just.. just not live the other" she whispered in his chest. Her hand squeezing his shirt.
He tried to take all of that in. She tried to hurt herself? She would? Right?
S:"Do you feel suicidal?"
N:"Sometimes. But I think of my family and friends. I think of you, and selfishly I want more time with all of you, so I don't do anything"
Steve was now on the verge of crying. Did she really feel like that and he didn't even notice?
S:"Maybe we should go to a doctor Nat? You can talk to him or her and see if she can help, huh?"
N:"I'm so fucked up that I have to go to a shrink"
S:"Baby that doesn't mean you're fucked up. That means that you're breve enough to admit the truth"
N:"The truth that I'm insane" she asked mockingly
S:"You're far away from that. You're a beautiful, generous, smart, funny, enthusiastic person. And I love you so much for that"
N:"You wanna go with me?" She asked after a couple of minutes
S:"Of course. You want me to call and see when can we go?"
N:"Sure"
After a couple of calls and hours, they were at the doctors. Natasha was sitting next to Steve, holding his hand tightly.

After some time the nurse came out and read Natasha's name.
D:"Hello Natasha, I'm doctor Dixey"
N:"Hi"
D:"Are you nervous?"
N:"I mean my boyfriend thinks I'm insane, so yeah I am kinda nervous"
D:"And why does he think that?"
N:"My moods change a lot you know, and like everyone hasn't thought about suicide at least once"
D:"So you though about suicide?"
N:"Everybody has"
D:"Did you ever tried to do it"
N:"No. I was thinking about doing it, but I didn't"
D:"Why?"
N:"I though about my family, my friends, my, boyfriend"
D:"You have a boyfriend?" She asked smiling
N:"Yeah"
D:"How long have you two been together?"
N:"Like half a year, but we've known each other for a few years now"
D:"Is it a happy relationship"
N:"Very much"
D:"Did you ever had a big fight?"
N:"Once"

______
After a lot of questions and talking the doctor looked at her seriously and sight.
D:"Natasha, you have bipolar disorder"
N:"What now?" She said stunned
D:"That's when.."
N:"I know what is it, my grandma has it"
D:" It is very likely genetics"
N:"So what now?"
D:"Now you take the meds that I prescribe you. You talk to your family and friends about this, and you take care of yourself, because this is very serious"
N:"Doc, you gotta be mistaken. See im good now"
D:"That is why you have this. Your moods are really unexpected"
N:"Look, I'm normal. I'm okay, tell me you haven't felt down sometimes"
D:"I did, but I wasn't like this. It's not your fault that you have this, and having it is nothing to be a shamed of. You just need to take care of it properly. And don't hide it from your friends and family. They need to know"
N:"Am I like insane now"
The doctor laughed at her question and started writing her prescription
D:"No, you are far away from that. You are bipolar but it's not as intense as it can be"
N:"Okay"
D:"Here is your prescription. Take all of these twice a day with food or milk, they'll kick in in about a week or two, so if you don't feel better right away, don't worry about it"
N:"Yeah, okay"
D:"Okay Natasha, take care and take these" She said pointing at the medication she prescribed her
N:"Will do"

As soon as she got out she saw Steve waiting for her still in the same place. Seeing him there made her smile. He was waiting for almost two hours, and knowing him, he won't complain.
S:"Hey" he whispered, as he stood up and hugged her side
N:"Hi"
S:"You wanna talk about it?"
N:"At home"
S:"Okay let's go then"
They stopped so Natasha could buy what she needed and went home. The car ride was quite. Natasha was still trying to wrap her head around what she just heard, and Steve was just giving her some time to think.
When they got to Natasha's house it was already darker outside. Her parents were home which means that the twins are to.

They sat in the car for a while. And after sometime Nat decided to talk.
N:"I'm bipolar" She said out of nowhere, which took Steve by surprise
N:"She said that my moods changed a lot because of that, and I was feeling really low because of it"
S:"How are you feeling?"
N:"Still can't believe this is real"
S:"Are you okay?"
N:"I think so. I just feel like I'm damaged goods"
S:"Nat don't say that. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. I love you, which means that I love your mood swings, cause you wouldn't be you without them. Trust me Nat you are not damaged goods, you are the bravest girl I know"
N:"I gotta tell everyone now and I already know that they're gonna treat me like I'm an idiot"
S:"They're not" Steve said smiling at her
N:"Yeah right. Okay I should go tell them now"
S:"Okay, call me if you need anything, okay?"
N:"Yeah, thanks for going with me, and not thinking I'm crazy"
S:"Nonsense"
N:"Bye"
S:"Bye beautiful" she smiled at him and went inside her house.
"Here we go" she thought to herself