Calming A Racing Heart

Chapter Thirteen

          "You don't know what Porn is? Pornographic videos." Larcin shook his head where it was resting comfortably on Joshua's broad chest.

          "Kind of hard to explain. They are videos and stuff designed to show sexual situations between different types of people."

          "Oh, educational videos."

          "Ah.....No, far from it. Most are made to be lewd, degrading and exploitive. Videos depicting sexual activity intended solely for the purpose of arousal. In most cultures they are considered vulgar, obscene in most cases. On Earth it is considered offensive to watch those kinds of videos. Something only perverted people do."

          "But you still watched them?"

          "Lots of people do but only in secret. When I was a kid a bunch of us would sneak off and watch them when the grownups weren't around. Mostly out of curiosity and for a cheap thrill."

          "Did you enjoy watching those kinds of videos?"

          Joshua hesitated before he answered that.

          "No, I didn't. I went along with it trying to be one of the guys. Trying to fit in with everybody else. Instead, they just helped show what a freak I was." Joshua paused as memories he thought long buried resurfaced.

           "The guys I hung out with were a stupid bunch of horny teenagers. None of us were old enough to think about having real sexual partners. It was supposed to be a harmless way to release pent up sexual urges. For them it was. It didn't work for me. While the rest of the guys were getting all turned on by what we were watching, jerking off and stuff, I had no reaction. No response at all. Nothing. No matter what I watched, or who I was with, my body didn't respond. The little guy wouldn't cooperate. Just stayed little."

          "That isn't something you can fake either. When the other guys realized what I wasn't doing, you don't know how much teasing I got. At the time we were back on Earth and I was attending a private school. Somehow impotence got know around the school. I got nicknamed the school eunuch. I didn't know about the nickname until I suddenly had all these girls and a few guys started approaching me. At first I was flattered by all the attention. Then I found out all they really wanted was to get the reputation of being the one to get me to react to them sexually. It was some kind of sick game with them. It was humiliating."

           "You don't have to tell me, if it's too painful." Larcin could fell how distressed Joshua was recalling this.  He stroked Joshua's chest to reassure him.

          "It's OK. I want you to understand. All the women I said I've kissed. They were just an attempt to try and kick start any kind of sexual response in myself. It never worked. Until I met you I thought I was born asexual or something, a eunuch with all my equipment intact."

          "I don't think you have anything to worry about there anymore." Larcin teasingly indicated the large wet spot staining the front of Joshua's pants. "And your 'little guy' has grown up quite a bit."

           "It's funny. I tried a few times to talk to Jonathan about my lack of sexual response. He'd just dismissed it, telling me I just hadn't met the right person. I guess he was right about that." Joshua tenderly kissed the top of Larcin's head.

         "That's another thing you would have been taught as a child. It's impossible for us feel sexual desire toward anyone who isn't our other. Sexual attraction is one of the signs we are taught to look for during the longing."

           "Sooo, you were sexually attracted to me when we first met?"

          "OK, yes I was," Larcin reluctantly admitted, his cheeks flushing pink. "It was just the...well..."