One Last Attempt

003

I'm standing in front of Baker. He smiles at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You've changed."

My voice gets strangled in my throat. Sorry, I should say that it gets caught. Not strangled. "I... I... uh..."

Baker laughs at me. The sound is thick and full. I wrap my arms around him as tightly as possible, without even thinking about it.

"Are you already wasted?" He laughs, struggling out of my grip. "I thought that you would show up in sweats like you always do, that's all. You look fancy."

We're at the party. The one Jessie threw for Ava after her last exam. I had changed clothes because it was a special occasion. I look down at the champagne I brought, knowing full well that Jessie would call me a loser, but that Ava would appreciate it. What did I say to Baker, when he complimented my outfit the first time? Did it matter? Was this the moment that Baker decided to kill himself?

Baker turns over his shoulder. "I think Freds killed his brain studying."

I push past Baker into the room. It looks exactly as I remember it. Whether I acknowledged it or not, I'd been recalling our last hurrah in my bed for the past week, and now I was actually reliving it. But how? It seems impossible.

"You brought champagne?" Jessie laughed, moving up to me. As he did, Baker squeezed behind me, back into the room. "You are such a nerd. Ava's going to love it."

I nod, shrugging off my coat. I need to start acting normal and fast. This time, I'm not worried about what is going to happen. There is going to be a knock at the door, which last time caused me to yelp out, and then Mari is going to be here.

There is a knock at the door, and I step away.

Mari sticks her head in the doorway, smiling when she sees Baker. "Sorry that I'm late. I was trying to cram for poetry."

Baker laughs as he plops down on the couch. Hopefully, he doesn't notice me staring. He fiddles with his watch, checking the time. His lanky body takes up half the couch because he is sitting with one leg crossed over top of the other. In one of his hands, he holds a scotch, which he swirls. Baker pats the spot next to him, and Mari moves to join him.

"Earth to Freddie," she says as she passes by. "Geez, Baker. Is he always like this around your flat?"

"No, he's only like this when he's so drunk he can't feel his feet."

"He doesn't smell boozy to me."

Baker gets up off the couch and steps closer to me. He makes a big show of bending over and sniffing my breath. Behind him, Mari giggles. Baker turns to her. "You're right. Not a scent of booze on him."

"I'm completely sober," it's the first thing I've said all night. This isn't going well. "Sorry. I was thinking about the Napoleonic wars."

"That exam will be easy," Baker says. His voice is a lot faster than it usually is, but it gets like that sometimes when he drinks. "Don'teven worry aboutit. Where even is the girl we are celebrating?"

"I told Ava to be here for 9:30, knowing she'd show up at 9:15." Jessie rolls his eyes. He takes a spot on the loveseat. He eyes me up. "Freddie, you going to get out of the doorway?"

I nod, heading into the kitchen. Normally, I pull up a chair from the kitchen table. Instead, I find myself splashing water in my face. I don't know if I am going to start crying or laughing, but I'm certainly not about to find out now.