One Last Attempt

007

I don't sleep well that night. I text Ava, and I wait until 4:00 AM for a response. None comes. When I'm not sleeping, I spend a great deal of the night pacing.

Eventually, I walk out of bed and slink out of the apartment. My body is running on maybe two hours of sleep. I walk over to Mari's flat. The only light comes in sharp beams from the streetlights above me. It's much colder without Baker.

Even though I'd rather devote my mind to saving Baker's life, I let myself wander back to the night we explored the grocery store. It was much happier than the last time. I know that the little things matter. Was that enough to save Baker? I had thought so, until he shot down deeper than he had last time.

Maybe the joys only make the sorrows more potent.

It's 4:15 when I get to Mari's flat. I press the buzzer for her apartment, and then send her a text. Mari has slept over at my apartment a dozen times, and though she is an early riser, there is no way that she's up now, especially not the day after her last exam.

Eventually, I hear the voice of one of her roommates on the intercom. "Who is this?"

"It's Freddie," I answer, hoping that she remembers me. I feel embarrassed, because I don't recognize who is talking to me over the crackling static. Even if I did, I wouldn't know her name.

The door buzzes open, and I walk over to the elevator.

Once I've arrived outside her flat. I knock on the door. It takes another few seconds for it to open.

Mari looks up at me with half-open eyes. She blinks a few times, and she yawns, before she dares speak. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," I tell her, even though I'm operating on like a clock wound too tightly despite the foggy exhaustion filling my skull.

Mari steps back, welcoming me into the apartment. One of her roommates is pulling a carton of milk out of one of their two fridges. She begins to chug it, glaring at me out of the corner of her eye.

I bite my lip, turning to face Mari. "Want to talk in your room?"

Mari nods.

We enter her room, and as I look around, I notice the polaroids are gone from the wall. There are a few boxes near the doorway, and in one of them I can see the materials she usually keeps on her desk, and a few textbooks.

"My lease ends in two weeks," she tells me, following my gaze. From there, she makes it back over to her bed and crosses her legs, waiting for me to continue.

I don't know what to say. I'm not even sure why I came here. My apartment felt lonelier now than it had after Baker's death, so it felt like I had no choice but to come.

"What's up?" she tries to appear cheery, but the sluggish movements of her fingers as she ties her hair into a bun betray her exhaustion. In this moment, I'm sure she hates me. God, why did I come here to bother her? I always take more than I can give, and Mari deals with the brunt of that pain. I'm a terrible person. I'm a failure. I'm-

"Freddie," Mari says my name, and all the noise goes quiet.

"Is something wrong with Jessie?" I ask, even though I know she wouldn't know. Though she gets on with Ava, Mari is more Baker's friend than anyone else. Out of us all, she has the least of a relationship with Jessie.

She pauses, before furrowing her brow. "No. Why?"

"Well, he seems really angry with Baker, is all," I tell her. I don't really choose to elaborate.