These Tears I Cry Are Not For YOU

Confusion

Heyy, first I'd like to say HAPPY NEW YEARS Secondly, I'd like to dedicate this Update to QueenZainab She is a very great motivation for me to continue writing this story, which I love And if you wouldn't mind please please please please read her story "Jabari's Pride" Its different and fresh and really interesting. It's not your everyday Wattpad novel it's actually really good! So please do me that favor!

--Peace and much love ___________________________________________________________

"So what happened after he left?"

"I was pregnant for almost 5 months then I went into early labor but they didn't make it. I was stressing over work at that time because I was trying to do so much before I went on leave I was pushing myself really hard. I was barely sleeping enough and my blood pressure stayed sky high. Then on top of that I was worrying about Tobias because he had left. Something he does often."

" Wow, I know that had to be hard" I nodded my head and breathed deeply. It had gotten silent and all I was doing was picking around at my food. Which was very unusual. " What about the drugs and stuff?" " The drugs were way before the pregnancy. I went to rehab and everything. He was there for that. But the suicide.. I have my moments but I manage" " Ever thought about seeing someone about it?" I side-eyed him " No, what does it look like when a Therapist goes to see a Therapist?" "Oh" " Yeah"

"Well, I'm no specialist but I'm here I could help you out. You can tell me any & everything and we can just talk about it." I flinched at the words talk about it. Yeah I wanna talk about it, but no one really wants to talk about it. " Thanks I appreciate it"

"... It seems like throughout all the things that's happened between us he would do better. After him leaving whenever he wants without a notice, his temper tantrums he throws whenever he isn't getting his way, not appreciating a thing I do for him or give to him, he still acts so childish. It's a shame that you can give someone your all and all you get back is a slap to the face. It's just like having a child. You go through the 9 months going through God knows what, then when they get here you're left with a stretched vagina, blubber on your stomach, and a extra 20lbs.

But once you see your child you realize it was worth it and it's forgotten. But while raising this child they become disobedient, disrespectful, rude, angry, ruthless, & un-appreciative. They don't realize what you have gone through to feed them,cloth then,nourish them, & make sure they're secure at all times and bust your rear end to assure that they have a brighter future. And it's all because they don't care, and sooner or later it will become painfully obvious when they throw it all back in your face hurting you, & not giving a hot damn."

That's all I could think about was these last 17 years & how much I sacrificed for him. All I got back was his "Love". Him leaving and popping up whenever he felt like it. Some type of affection.

" Did you ever think about moving on or try to?" I nodded my head " Yeah, I tried I never slept with them. Hell, them touching me made me feel like I was doing something wrong. There were 1 or 2 that actually somewhat worked they failed. It never helped I always ended up back in his arms broken hearted by broken promises made by the last dude. Then we'd make love, and he'd stay about a week and then he'd leave like clockwork. I never understood how he always showed up right on time only to catch me at my weakest moments."

" Don't take this the wrong way but I'm just wondering why the hell would you continue to keep giving yourself to someone who just grabs you and puts in the corner until he wants you?" I didn't want to hear what he had to say, but it was only because it was the truth " Because I love hi-" he put his fork down and gave me a hard face, & a stern voice, " And where the hell has that gotten you huh? What good did it do you?" I just shook my head and managed my tears, " Exactly! Look what it resulted in. Nothing. Whether you want to admit it or not he's the reason for the suicide, the addiction, the miscarriage of not one but two blessings, heartache, and I bet you the hair on my head that he had everything to do with this" I opened my eyes to see him touching my cast" I nodded my head. As my chest heaved up and down, because holding back sobs wasn't an easy task at all.