Labyrinth of Emotion (Ouran High School Host Club fanfic)

Chapter 53: Crimson

It's 2:46 am, and this git dark reeeeaaal fast, like damn.

I'm sorry for the sadness.

On the brightside, Happy late New Years!

Whoo?

Be rad.

Love y'all ♡

••••••••

Kenji's POV: flashback

"Why?!" The 13 year old yelled across the room to me, "Who are you to do this?!"

My heart dropped as I gripped the doorknob, "I'm a king now, I don't need a princess around me." I spat, referring to my retired father.

"You can't..." Her sentence trailed off to a choked sob, "You can't just leave the country like this."

I never looked at her as s tear slowly trailed down my face, "I don't need your school girl crush holding me back." I spat, "We may be nearly equal in power, but you are nothing to me. You're wor-" My mouth shut as I couldn't say worthless. My mind wouldn't let me utter it, "Good bye."

----

Odia's POV: Flash forward to back at school

"We are not doing an American 20's theme." I shook my head.

"But you would look so precious as a flapper girl!" Tamaki gushed as I felt a prescence tugging on my strapless Native American fashioned dress.

Honey looked up at me with starty eyes that can bring me to my knees, "But I want to dress  in a fancy suit." He whimpered as I sighed.

"Damn that face." I pinched his cheek, "Fine." I muttered.

The host club cheered as Haruhi laughed, "I got suckered into wearing a suit like that too."

I rolled my eyes as I felt a stray hair in my two braids I had in for Cowboys and Indians, because this damn host club will kill me.

"I should fix this, be right back." I mentioned as the host club brainstormed how they'd  go about the 20's.

Walking fast, I made it to the bathroom as I slid down the wall, breathing heavily, putting my head on my knees, "Damnit." I cursed.

With a heavy heart, I denied Kyoya, since just telling me he's changed is meaningless. Actions speak louder than words, and he decided he might not have the energy to prove it, which is fine. I'm fine. Just fine. We act civilized, but I imagine he isn't happy with me. I love him, but there's no way I can know he loves me by just a few nice days.

----

"I'll be honest." He said, "I'm not sure I can fufill that challenge of action, so try not to anticipate anything."

I nodded, "That's fine. We're teens. Love is just another word for infatuation at this age anyways." I spoke quickly as I headed inside of the twin's house, refusing to cry.

----

On top of the teenage turmoil, my parents seem to be talking to Kenji, giving the rat an excuse to call me, updating me on my estranged parents who can't even look at me. It's absolutely hilarious the way he can control people to get what he wants, power. He wants to marry power, not me.

I shook my head and gave myself light slaps to bring me back to the present and not drama of few days ago.

This attempt was diminished when my phone rang, "What?" I snapped, answering it.

"Odi-bear? You alright." My brother spoke as I clenched my jaw.

"What the hell do you want now?" I asked, referring to his past calls basing around Kenji praising.

"Kenji is-"

"Kenji can go fuck himself!" I yelled, forgetting  the bathroom's echo, "If he's going to be such a great husband, you marry him!"

"Did something happen to you today?" He asked uneasily.

We eventually began to yell at each other for maybe ten minutes before he issued critically harmful words, ending the screaming match with a gruesome finish.

"Rubro, I'm 16.16!" I pleaded, "I don't want to get married!" I screamed for the thousandth time.

"Then what do you want?!" He was now growing angry at my insubordination, "I've offered to give you everything, but you don't even budge. I did everything and risked everything to give us this power, and you still act so ungrateful! You're like a poor girl who doesn't accept spare change! All you do is turn your nose away from everything! I push and push for you, and you just stand still. You're just this whining cloud of negativity no matter what I give you! Ever since you were free, you've been nothing but whiny about love?, tears, and self pity! Maybe this is why our parents won't even look at you, hell I don't  know why I still can. WHY DO I EVEN TRY WITH YOU?! "

It was in that moment, I considered ridding the world of my prescence. That's how much his words struck me, saddened me, enraged me, and completely wounded me. My brother was the force that gave me some kind of reassurance that I was still meant to be alive. He took care of me, coddled me, and gave me smiles as kids. My heart shattered as my only family member grew to hate me too. Those words made me hate myself just as much as so many people did.

----
I stared down at the woman in the casket, "How ironic." I muttered, letting a tear fall, "You said I'd be okay, so why weren't you?" I observed her scars on her arms and her rope burned neck, "Why the hell was this an open casket?" I sighed, "You know starting that school in a few weeks is going to be tough..." I shook my head, "I'm sorry I have no words for you." I moved along, so the person behind me could see her.

I sat down as I stared at the letter she addressed to me.

Dear Araneae,

I would like to offer you some explanation to my demise. I was a sad person who had no one, and dying seemed like the only way to take away that pain. Talking to you made me realize you are also a sad person, but you have Rubro. Your brother will keep you alive. I know he cares about you. For years, I would use any moderately sharp object I could find to make myself crimson, until I ended it. Knowing you, the day you go crinson like you did once more is the day Rubro despises you. I know he'll  keep your heart beating though, you need him to, and I doubt he'll fail you.

"Liar." I muttered to the sheet of paper, "My heart beats as long as my will to live stands." I spoke truthfully, "I'm not sad, and I don't need Rubro to help me. I'm fine on my own." I lied, "Just fine."

----

"You're right." I, due to lack of alternate resources, took out my earing with a small black stone on it, "I'm absolutely horrible. All I do is cause trouble and act like a stubborn burden." Tears trailed it's way down my cheeks. It was in this moment, I hurt myself for the second time in my life, "I should've completely moved on from being assaulted, as well as blinded, by family and tortured by disgusting men while I was in a cold cage with no sight." I spat as I set the phone on the ground next to me, putting it on speaker.

"Odia, is this more of your smart ass bullshit-"

"No. I'm serious." My hands trembled as the sharp metal pressed into the area around my radial pulse enough to break skin, "You're  absolutely right. I'm not deserving of love or even acknowledgement. Hell, even my shrink killed herself. I'm hopless, helpless, and worthless. I'm worthless."

He heaved a sigh, "Cut it out with that manipulative shit-"

I dragged the earring down in a trail of vertical blood to the inside of my elbow, "I apologize for my exsistence." I said, choking back a sob as crimson made a sleeve on my arm, bringing the accessory to my shoulder, "I've  been nothing but a hassle. I love you, I really do." I brought it diagonally to the middle of my sternum, "Maybe you could forgive me for all the years of shame I brought you." My voice slowly got weaker as my vision did the same. I was crimson now.