Fanfics

Unforgettable part 3 - by hartorotica

Unforgettable [Part 3]
Time was a very funny thing, she realised. When she was in her twenties, life had seemed to flash by. When Grace walked out of it, everything went to an eternal state of standstill. Life just moved slower. She no longer felt a rush to do anything, she hadn't bothered to get out of bed for days, not even mentioning doing anything else. She had, she knew, all the time in the world. All the time in the world until Grace gets back. Apart from the fact that, of course, Grace had no intention of coming back. That realisation seeped in after four years. Four long years in which she had turned down girls and declined offers to go on dates and wondered why the fuck she felt so miserable all the time. Sure, she could have a good time and have a laugh, but that was about it. Nothing more. Nothing deeper. No human connection apart from the one with her sisters. This was what people meant when they spoke about being numb. I can't feel anything, anymore.
It was ten to eleven. Ten minutes between the moment she was in, and her speaking to Grace. She had approximately had seven years to think about what she wanted to say, and despite several rehearsals on her way to the blonde's house, Hannah had to admit she did not have one coherent thought. She had come home the night before, slamming the door as hard as she could. Maybe that'd alert Aysa. Maybe the Asian girl would notice that she had gone out and only got back around two in the morning. Maybe she'd run down the stairs and hug her and make up. Maybe it would all be okay and she could go back to her pre-Grace-at-market state. Maybe she came home and absolutely fuck all happened. Maybe that was the reason why she was in such a mood now.
"Come on in." Grace had opened up the door, staring at her former friend who was sitting on the porch, "I can't stand to watch you wait one more minute."
Hannah had always had a habit of turning up early at meetings. Grace had envied that trait; she basically left the house five minutes prior to any meeting's beginning. Fashionably late, she called it. Hannah called it rude. The blonde stepped aside and allowed the shorter girl to walk into her house for the second time in less than twelve hours. A familiar scent of green apples filled her nostrils as Hannah walked past. Still the same.
"Have a seat." She gestured at her kitchen table once they had walked through the hall way, "Want something to drink?"
"No." Hannah said curtly, pulling back a chair and sitting down, her arms crossed, "Look, Grace. I just want closure. I have some questions and you have the answers. Just give them to me and I'll leave you and your husband in peace."
The sneering tone had not gone unnoticed. Grace pulled back another chair and sat down, before scooting closer to the table. She was sitting sideways from Hannah, just out of reach but close enough to notice subtle movements the brunette made.
"What's your problem with Liam?" She sighed, tugging at the bottom of her sleeve, "He's nice."
"What's my problem with-" Hannah echoed incredulously, "Seriously?"
"We haven't seen each other in seven years. I don't see why you would feel so strongly about my husband." Grace looked up to glance at Hannah, who was looking at her in shock.
"Whose fault is that, hm?" Hannah asked, "Who walked out of whose flat, saying she'd call?"
"Oh, that." Grace shifted in her chair.
"Yeah. That."
"You must have," Grace tugged at her sleeve more urgently, "Figured it out after a few days." She swallowed, "That I was not gonna call."
"It took me about four years before I figured out you weren't going to call." Hannah raked her hand through her hair, "What was it for?" She continued, her heart suddenly beating heavier, "I never understood why. I mean, I have theories. I have created quite a few of them during the past few years." She stuck up her finger and ticked it with her other hand's pointer finger, "There's the obvious fact you were off your head and you made a drunken mistake. I stuck to that one for quite a while. Then I moved on to thinking that maybe you had made a bet with someone. Then I thought that you had gotten scared of the implications. Then I thought you had somehow broken your phone. And your computer. And lost the ability to walk over to my place once more and tell me how you felt. Then I thought you just didn't like it, having sex with a girl. Then I thought it was me, that I had actually been absolute shit in bed." Hannah smacked her palms down on the table, "Dozens of theories, Grace. Dozens."
The blonde leant back against the backrest of the chair, silence filling the lavish kitchen. She looked down at her sleeve, dark red. She prayed that Hannah would not realise it was still the sweater from years ago, the one she had once bought her in a H&M and got the same one in marine blue and white and joked about twinsies. She didn't want Hannah to pick up on anything.
"You weren't shit in bed." Grace mumbled, "I think. I don't know." She shrugged, "I was too drunk, I don't remember anything from that night. We were both drunk, Hannah."
The younger girl remained silent. Grace spotted almost immediately that Hannah was chewing the inside of her cheek, a trick she used to stop herself from speaking up, crying, or both. She suddenly felt overcome to reach out and comfort Hannah.
"I shouldn't have come here." Hannah suddenly uttered, getting up from the chair, "I'm sorry. I -", She looked at Grace, "I'm sorry. I won't come and see you again. I'll let myself out."
"Wait." Grace got up as the shorter girl left the kitchen, "Hannah, wait." She frowned, stalking behind her former friend as she rapidly walked to the front door, "I said," She grabbed Hannah's sleeve and pulled her back, "Wait." She turned Hannah around, keeping a firm grip on her sleeve, "Why did you come here? You mentioned something about your girlfriend last night."
"We fell out." Hannah mumbled, no longer feeling like she had to keep herself together, "I was upset after seeing you yesterday, we went home, she got horny," Hannah looked away, "I may have accidentally called her Grace while," She sighed, "You know."
Grace tried her hardest not to smirk. Instead, she loosened her vice grip on Hannah's arm slightly and gave the girl a sympathising look.
"And then you came here..." The blonde tried, "Why?"
"I just needed to." Hannah felt tears welling up, "I never got any closure, Grace. You just upped and left. I never knew why you left me like that, as if I was trash that you could throw out. You just disappeared out of my life. And I," Hannah quickly wiped beneath her eye with the back of her hand, "I just need to know why I was not good enough for you." She added in a whisper.
"It's the hardest thing I ever did." Grace pursed her lips together, as Hannah looked up at her, confused, "I was ashamed." She admitted, "You had been gone for so long and suddenly you were back, you know. And we were drunk and in that moment, you just looked so irresistible. You were. And I promise you, Hannah - that night? I had never wanted anything or anyone as much as I wanted you. I swear."
"You left, Grace." The brunette now openly sobbed, "You fucking left me. You told me that you wouldn't ever and that I shouldn't worry and you left me the next morning."
"I know." The blonde felt her eyes burn as well now, "I'm sorry."
"But why?"
"Because how I felt the next morning." Grace pinched the bridge of her nose, "Fucking hell, Hannah. I had never felt that vulnerable and scared in my entire life. You were so casual about it, and I had sobered up by then, and I just thought..." Grace shook her head in disbelief, "I hadn't thought I would actually ever, you know..." She glanced at Hannah, "Do that. With you. I panicked. Fight or flight. I chose flight."
"You could have told me." Hannah sniffed, "I would have understood. We could have stayed friends."
"No." Grace awkwardly brought her hand up to Hannah's upper arm and rubbed it gently, "We really could not have." She forced a smile, "It wasn't you, baby. It was me. I just couldn't deal with the thought of me falling for you."
"Wha?" Hannah frowned, "Grace..."
"Don't." The blonde inhaled deeply, "It's in the past. I'm married now. You have found yourself a lovely girlfriend." She smiled, "I'm sure you two are very happy."
"I called her Grace. I doubt she is very happy right now."
"You'll talk her round." The older girl continued rubbing her former friend's arm, "You're good with words. You're good with girls."
"So this is it then?" Hannah swallowed, "This is goodbye?"
"Yeah, I think so." Grace bit her bottom lip, "Hug goodbye?"
Hannah felt drained. She knew it was a bad idea to begin with, but nodded nevertheless. Through very blurred vision she saw Grace close the distance between them before the taller girl engulfed her in a hug, her arms wrapped around Hannah's neck. Almost automatically, she wrapped her own arms around Grace's waist, squeezing. It all came back. The scent, the feeling of feeling Grace against her, the sound of a slowly beating heart. It became too much. Without any kind of warning, she started crying. Full out crying as she grasped Grace's top between clenched fists and letting her tears soak the fabric as Grace held her. They stayed still for a few moments, until Grace pulled back.
"Sorry." Hannah muttered. "I, um. Bye, Grace."
She grabbed the doorknob, intending to walk out of Grace Helbig's life herself, without any further need of humiliation. She felt the cool metal in the palm of her hand and twisted the knob slowly.
"Hannah."
Grace sounded frustrated. She turned around to see the blonde standing there, her arms crossed, thinking lines etched into her brow.
"Yeah?"
"I lied." Grace threw her head back in her neck for a second and turned to face the younger girl, "I remember that night vividly. Every single second." She paused, letting the words sink in, "You fell asleep around four in the morning." She smiled at the memory, "And I spent an hour looking at you as you slept. And I thought that you were the most beautiful thing God had ever created." She sighed, "But then in the morning time, I don't know. I hated feeling so vulnerable. It was as if I depended on you to feel. I never wanted anyone to have that power over me, so I left."
"But that's a lie." Hannah sounded fragile, "You married Liam. So he has it, doesn't he."
"Liam?" Grace smiled, genuinely, "He worships me. He doesn't make me feel vulnerable. He makes me feel wanted."
"I wanted you." Hannah felt that she was getting upset again, "I worshipped you."
"I know." The blonde sighed, "I'm sorry I was scared, Hannah."
"You know what is the worst thing," The brunette suddenly sounded calm, "If I had known that you kissing me at my front door would be the last time you were ever gonna kiss me, I wouldn't have let it be just a peck. I thought about that moment so many times afterwards. I would have made it last." Hannah nervously smiled, a frustrated tick she could not get rid of, "I don't even remember it." She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to hold back unavoidable tears, "I don't remember our last kiss. I remember so much, but that."
"It went like this." Grace muttered.
Before she had the chance to realise what happened, Grace had gently pressed her lips upon Hannah's. The brunette's initial reaction was to push her off. She feebly resisted, resting her hand on Grace's shoulder and preventing her to come any closer. Then Grace grabbed her hands in hers and pushed them against the door behind them, before cupping her face and kissing her harder. What is happening. Hannah turned her face away and gasped for air before looking back at the blonde, who was staring at her wildly now.
"Grace?" Hannah pleaded, unsure of what had just happened, "What?"
"I'm an idiot." Grace stuttered, "I am a fucking idiot. I ran away from you because I couldn't deal with you loving me. While I was in love with you myself. And I thought that moving to the other side of the country would help. I thought dating other people was going to help. I thought ignoring the fact you existed was going to help." She shook her head, "And nothing worked. It just got worse. I couldn't get you out of my mind, Hannah. Not your smile, not your lisp, not that terrible promo talk for avocados. And it took me seven fucking years. I moved back here because I needed closure. You know me, I never even liked farmers' markets. I have been going there every single week, hoping to find you. To see you and to not feel a fucking thing. To know that it's in the past and I can move on."
"So," Hannah whispered, "Can you?"
"No." Grace grunted in frustration, "I'm just back to when we were in our mid-twenties. I just feel like that girl sitting on the edge of your bed again. Like that stupid, vulnerable blonde who had no idea what to do when this," She gestured, "Gorgeous, stupid best friend of hers kissed her spine and told her she loved her." She laughed nervously, "I couldn't even say it back. I wanted to so badly, and I just couldn't physically make myself say it."
Hannah closed her eyes. Hundreds of thoughts seemed to cross her mind simultaneously. Aysa, who was at home. Liam, who was at work. Mamrie, who was at her place, wondering what was going on. Grace and herself, standing here. It had been seven years. Seven long years. They had changed, they were no longer the same people they once were -but maybe that was for the best. She knew, deep down, that she should not. It was wrong. There were two relationships at stake and Grace had broken her heart and everyone knew that you were not supposed to hand out second chances to -
"Can you say it now?"
"Say what?"
"That you love me?" Hannah felt her voice get raspier at the end of the sentence, "That you love me." She corrected, feeling her ears run hot as her cheeks turned red as well.
"Does it matter?" Grace sighed.
"It does." Hannah frowned, slightly nodding, "It does very much."
"I," Grace swallowed, "I love you. I don't think I ever stopped. I couldn't stop. You were unforgettable, Hannah. I just... I couldn't help but loving you."
Hannah broke out in a smile. She grabbed Grace's hips and pulled her closer, kissing her with all her might as Grace steadied herself against the door. The brunette didn't know what they were going to do after today, but she knew that it was time to act. She hadn't stood up for this chance seven years ago, and she was not going to pass up on the opportunity now. As Grace dug her fingertips deeper into her sides while she deepened the kiss, she sighed. The wait was over.

Unforgettable, that's what you are, unforgettable, though near or far,
Like a song of love that clings to me, how the thought of you does things to me,
Never before has someone been more unforgettable in every way,
And forever more, that's how you'll stay, that's why, darling, it's incredible,
That someone so unforgettable, thinks that I'm unforgettable too.