OTS part 4 - by yotuub

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Having Mamrie around makes the passing of time alot easier. Grace has less space to think, less time to think, and Hannah doesn't come over as much, or at least there is less one on one time when it is just her and Hannah.
Not that she dislikes one on one time with Hannah. She loves it. It's just that, afterwards, the entirety of her brain seems to be dedicated to replaying it over again and checking nothing happened that she should be worried about, and she hasn't got the mental energy for that.
Grace tries to makes a concerted effort to not be weird around Hannah, and the three of them play cheat laden games of poker and shoot videos in the evenings. Grace is pretty sure that Mamrie changes the rules of poker every time they play, but whatever. She has no ambitions to be a cardshark.
Auditions roll on and on, but Grace has other commitments now, people actually seeking her out and requesting to do collaborations, and that's a good feeling. Grace feels like she actually might be getting somewhere, in this weird underworld of media that youtube has created.
One night, over margaritas, her and Mamrie re-write their comedy show, even though it is one of the few nights that Hannah isn't at the other end of Grace's couch, complaining about whatever and supplying bad puns. Mamrie chews on the end of her pen for a while, considering how to fill an awkward five minutes between their sketches.
"Fuck it, let's just get Hannah to go up on stage and shake her butt for five minutes, it's what half of them will want."
Grace snorts at the mental image.
"Strip tease. Let's put her in multiple shirts, and she can do whatever she wants with it."
Mamrie widens her eyes dramatically, and writes it down.
"Yes.... Awkward Lesbian Strip Tease, starring Hannah Hart. If she can think of something better, then she can change it."
Grace claps her hands once in amusement, and sits back into the couch. After a second, she imagines Hannah's face when she is told about that section of the show, and laughs again, even harder.
...
Things continue to happen.
There's the no filter night, and then all the craziness with Hannah's tour being set up, which is nothing to do with her but feels exhausting anyway, and even though Mamrie has now disappeared for a bit, the pace doesn't let off.
Grace wonders sometimes if life passes in a blur for everyone else. Whenever she had come to LA before her schedule would just explode, and she had reasoned that if she was out here full time, maybe it wouldn't be so crazy. But that doesn't seem to happen. She is doing so much stuff, which is awesome and exciting and relentless. But she worries, sometimes.
Sometimes the camera is on, sometimes it is off, but she feels that the line between on camera Grace and off camera Grace is getting narrower and narrower, until she could end up starring in her very own Truman show of mediocrity.
Editing Grace is a different Grace, at least, one that has to concentrate and not just wave awkward hands at the camera while just letting more words come out of her mouth.
"Hannah, can you come take a look at this?"
Hannah comes over, resting her drink on Grace's desk and standing just behind her. Grace can see her reflection in her monitor's screen, and fights to not smile at her.
"Sup Grace?"
Grace cranes her head back to look up at Hannah, and then points at the screen.
"Can you... I don't know about this one, or if I need to include more of my reaction, because at the moment it is mainly just me laughing at goat remixes, and I don't know if it counts as a review or just as me looking like an easily amused moron?"
Hannah nods, and shrugs easily.
"I'm sure it is funny Grace, mainly because your laugh is fucking hilarious, but show me."
Grace hands Hannah her headphones, suddenly not capable of watching her face on screen when Hannah is watching it too, and stands, heading for the kitchen.
"Thanks, do you want anything?"
Hannah sits in her chair after a moment, and slips the headphones on.
"Nah man, I'm good."
Grace wanders over to the kitchen, and then thinks about going outside, because she doesn't want to be in earshot, somehow, in case it isn't funny, in case Hannah doesn't laugh.
She even thinks about creating a smoothie, just to drown out whatever Hannah's reaction, or lack of reaction, but then she hears the first snort of laughter, and figures that it'll be okay.
...
Hannah has to find her outside anyway, but this way at least Grace had gone outside to stop herself from grinning, rather than to hide.
"Dude, you are such an asshole. Did you know it was that funny and were trying to make me have some kind of breathing difficulties?"
Grace shrugs, and leans back on the rail.
"No, I was genuinely concerned. Sometimes I feel like I see too much of my face, and I can't tell if I'm being funny or not. And also I think my laugh is really annoying sometimes."
Hannah looks red in the face from laughter, and Grace feels a little curl of pride, because it isn't often that she gets Hannah to laugh that hard. Hannah steps up next to her, looks out over the view.
"Man, your laugh is like... pure joy, it is awesome. Keep it like that, upload it, it's done."
Grace feels an impulse to hug her, somehow, and instead just ends up awkwardly ruffling her hair, before turning to study the same view.
"Thanks for the feedback. You're the best kind of internet friend."
Hannah shrugs, and then looks over at her. Grace wonders if she is blushing.
"Dude, I just want...such big things for you. If you can make me feel that good just by watching goat remixes, I dunno Grace, you might be some kind of comedy genius."
Okay, now she is blushing. Grace fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater, and augh. Emotions.
"Will you stop just... announcing things like that Hannah? I can't handle it. Blah blah you too. When are we supposed to be leaving?"
If Hannah is offended by the abrupt change of subject, she doesn't let it show, instead just laughing at Grace's discomfort and rubbing a hand over her shoulder, before reaching up to cup her cheek.
"Aww, don't worry Grace, one day they'll find a way to fit you with a normal emotional response feature, and then you be just like the other humans. Hang on, I'll go check my phone for the times."
Hannah bounces away from her, and all Grace knows is that, even though Hannah is only going inside, Grace doesn't want her to leave.
After a second, she presses her fingers to her forehead, and breathes out slowly.
"Okay, what is going on?"
...
On the way back from the studios, Hannah flips on the radio. Browsing through a couple of stations, she finds a song that clearly strikes a chord, and starts belting out the chorus at the top of her voice, as if she is alone in the car.
Grace makes a horrified face for a moment, and then considers recording her, and then considers joining in, and then considers throwing herself out of the car at the next junction, but then Hannah reaches across the console and grabs Grace's hand, clutching it to her chest. She earnestly sings a couple of lines to Grace, and then laughs, giving her a cheeky wink, before releasing Grace hand.
And Grace feels something twist inside her, like her heart has just taken a second to change gear, and set itself to a different rhythm.
And it is then that she knows she is well and truly fucked.

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