Heart wants what it wants.

20. Chances

There are people who give life a second chance. Then there are people who give life so much chances that they get drained. She didn't give life alot of chances but the chances she gave drained her. I went to my apartment. I was still not over the fact that her husband was dead. After walking through a memory lane I decided I would never leave her alone now. I wanted her before I saw her. But I didn't want her now. I wanted her happiness even if it wasn't me. I decided not to leave her alone again.
                                 .......

It's been a whole year since I met her again. She still is not welcoming when I go to see Selena and get parents. But she is used to my presence now. I see them atleast twice a week. Selena speaks alot now. We play games. She waits for me. And I wait to see her. Anna never opened up again but I know one day she will. Anna's mother is over this mission to make me marry her. But she doesn't know hearts don't go like that. They want what they want. They don't want what they don't and she doesn't want me now. And I don't want her. I want her happiness. Today I went to her apartment and she was alone. Her parents took Selena to someone called Helena. Anna was home as she had work to do. When I knocked she was about to finish her work. She let me in. And I sat there in silence. Then I got up to make coffee. I wasn't a guest in that house now. "Do u you want coffee? " she was indulged in her work. "Yeah sure." when I came out of kitchen with mugs she had finished her work and was sitting on sofa zoned out as she was in deep thoughts. I passed her a mug. She had her concentration on mug now. "Actually Nate. I wanted to talk to you from quite a lot of days now, I am thankful that you came today when we can talk freely without my mom listening everything from kitchen." I smiled. "Go on. I am all ears." I said. She put her mug on her side. "When is this going to stop? " she said. "When is what gonna stop? " I didn't get what she was saying. "You coming here. Selena is getting attached to you and my parents too. I don't want that." I was almost in disbelief. " What are you saying Anna. I love them. And I am sure they love me too. I don't see why you don't like me coming here." I said. "It's because you don't come here for them Nate. " she said bitterly. I took a deep sigh. Conversation was turning towards her now. I wanted that to happen. "Yes Anna I didn't come here for them at first. But now I do. And I also come here for you." She smiled. "See I told you." She said. "What do you want from me Nate? I can give you nothing. If you want love, I can't give you that. I can't even give myself some love. You are wasting your time here" She said. " No Anna. I have wasted many years before I met you again. This time I have with you, it's not a waste it's the best time I have had in years Anna." She looked into my eyes. " What do u you want Nate? " I got silent. " I want you to be happy Anna. Just happy. I don't want you to love me or marry me. I just want you to be happy. You aren't happy Anna." She looked  into my eyes. Her eyes were red as if she was trying to control her tears. " I am happy Nate. I have Selena." I took her hand in my hand. "You are not happy Anna. " she bit her lower lip, a tear fell down her face and then she burst into tears. She cried like she had never cried before. All those tears she was trying all these years finally made her burst. She was sobbing. I passed her water but she kept crying.I didn't leave her hand. When she had cried a lot she finally spoke in heavy voice " After Adam left me, I wanted to stay strong for my daughter Nate. All this time I tried to stay strong. I never cried. I didn't even cry on his funeral. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was weak. I had to stay strong for my daughter..." She kept on crying. She let out all the poison that was filled inside her. The burden that she was getting tired of carrying that gave her soul blisters. She cried and I cried with her. "Why did he had to leave Nate. Why did you had to leave Nate. How can someone live with that Nate? I am not this strong.... " She was getting hysterical. I gave her some relaxants that I knew she kept with her in her house .Her tears went dry after some time.. Soon she was asleep.