Heart wants what it wants.

21. Pains and Gains

Life passes through stages we never thought we can survive, but when it does, we get no choice but to rejoice it and take the life as it comes. We blow our own minds with our strength and by how much we can endure. We live through pains we never think we can and we survive and live. She was stronger than I thought. Maybe she was stronger than anyone thought. Life took her through many stages, she lost alot but she was standing there with all her strength. Time passed, it's been two years since the day I met her again. She accepted my presence but she never accepted my love again. She was contented the way she was. She wanted to fight alone. Broken people are dangerous because they know they can survive anything. Anna's father passed away 6 months ago. Today when I went to see Anna's mother and Selena, her mother asked me to take Anna's hand and marry her. She was worried that if something happened to her, Anna will be alone to raise Selena and there will be no one with Anna to take care for her. She was right. I thought about it alot of times but I never found courage to propose to her. Selena loved me and I loved her. There was no question in that I would love Selena or not. I knew I would. Next day I called her and asked her to meet me at seaside. When she came I told her about her mother's wish. She was quiet as if she knew that already. "Then what did you say to my mother?" after a few minutes of silence she asked. "I didn't say anything. I asked for some time to think." I said. She was relaxed. "Anna, I know you went through bitter experiences, but when it comes to me, I still love you. And I want you to be with me. But it's totally up to you. Whatever you want. Think about it please. Selena shouldn't grow up without a father. I can't take Adam's place in your life or hers but I can love you and her. I want to love you and her and to protect you both. Life is too long to live alone Anna. I don't want you to love me or give me anything in return Anna. Think about it. Sleep over it. Do what you think is best for everyone. If you want me to leave I will leave and I'll never come back." She looked at me in disbelief. Her eyes were red. There were tears. So she was crying silently all this time. Someone punched my heart. I felt pain. "Don't cry Anna please. Don't shed more tears. You have shed alot of tears already." I said. " You just said you will leave. Why? Even if I say no, can't you just stay? Does it always have to be a relationship of husband and wife for someone to stay. You left me once. Adam left me. Then when I and Selena are getting used to of your presence, when my daughter started loving you, when I started counting you as a friend do you have to go Nate? Tell me? " she was sobbing. Her tears were dropping on my heart. " No I won't Anna. I won't leave you and Selena. I'll be your friend always."