The Final Rant Book (I Promise)

A Letter To Past Me(s)

I've seen gerardmywaydowntown and mechanicalbrideeee do this, so why the fuck not?

I'm currently in 7th grade though shock, horror, omg so this'll just be to 4th through 6th grade me? Maybe a note to me right now?

Dear 4th Grade Queen, 

You need to talk to your teachers if you don't understand a problem. They aren't going to think you're stupid if you still don't get the difference between there, they're, and their or still don't understand how to divide in the hundreds. You're in the advanced class, you're smart, and you're allowed to ask questions. You aren't expected to know everything.

One Direction isn't the shit, to be fucking honest, please don't force your "One Direction Religion" upon everyone else.

Keep Isabel close, who knows what could happen? You think you'll be best friends forever and you might slip away from her after you get out of elementary. Friendships aren't forever, but you can at least try. 

Mark is an asshole who's moving at the end of the year, so don't waste your time making him a painting and a note confessing your 'love' for him. You're like nine. Shut up and watch some more Sonic or iCarly or whatever. 

-Sincerely, 7th Grade Queen. 

Dear 5th Grade Queen, 

Again, seriously?

Don't tell anybody about the crush you have on Harrison, because it'll get to him. Tell Isabel not to crush on Nathan either becase you'll both end up having Sofia, Alannah, and Taylor guard the giant blue slide tower while the two of you cry up in it and have Harrison and Nathan stare at you like you're insane. 

And the bright blue braces, what were you thinking? Ew. No. Don't do bright colors because ew. 

You aren't the shit because you have an iPod, don't think you won't get caught sitting on Instagram in class. Even though you somehow got away with it, you sneaky little shit. 

Your flirting skills suck, let me put it to you simply. You sit next to Harrison. Yeah, don't blow that hun. Don't write him a note and have Isabel give it to him at recess because you sit next to him for like 6 hours straight and he'll think you're creepy. He's dropped hints babe, he's not interested. But that's okay. 

Oh, also, please stop with the colorful headbands because ew no what the hell were you even thinking with that you can't pull that off?

Forget about Harrison, okay? Because in two years while you're up at midnight you'll think about him and his stupid curly hair and hazel eyes and soccer shorts and get hung up on the dumb bliss of love. He's not worth it, stop trying to stalk. 

Why are you posting soccer pictures on Instagram? You might play it, but you don't live it. You're just trying to hard.

Oh, and WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO WRITE A POEM FOR A GRADE ON HOW IN LOVE YOU ARE WITH NIALL HORAN FROM ONE DIRECTION? It might've gotten laughs, but babe, they're laughing at you, not with you. 

Your hair is stupid and I know you don't see it, but it's what everyone else sees. When someone tells you this, don't let it get to you and don't burn yourself trying to straighten your hair on your own because you don't know how and you'll get hurt. 

People think you're crazy, be proud of yourself. I'm proud that you embraced it, because if you and your friends won't skip through the playground singing What Makes You Beautiful, who will?

DO NOT CONFRONT CHARLOTTE ABOUT HARRISON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?

And telling your best friend of forever that you don't want to be friends with her anymore because "she starts drama and gets on my nerves" when it's really you who starts everything, and ditching her for the girl who always puts you down? What the hell? She loves you and you love her and you're horrible. 

AND THEN YOU GO AND BITCH ABOUT THE GIRL YOU DITCHED ISABEL FOR ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL WHEN YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE EITHER OF THEM AGAIN, YOU FAKE FUCK.

You need to learn to keep your friends close, because you're going to be doing a lot of moving around, and you're going to get disconnected from them. Make those few last moments last. 

- With deepest concern for your mental state, 7th Grade Queen.

Dear 6th Grade Queen,

You actually aren't that bad, tbh. 

Stop letting people do your hair in 5th period, it's cute, but you'll get written up for it. That's like, the pit of the ghetto right there tbh. 

Don't ask Quadarius out, bc he's just dating you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, not because he likes you, and that sucks and it hurts to find out that.

Keep in contact with Willow, Grace, and Dennise bc main baes. 

- With Love, 7th Grade Queen

Dear Present Time Me,

What the literal fuck is wrong with you? We're back to being fake, are we? Don't try to fit in, be yourself. You already went through the faze everyone else is going through and you're at like, the best point in your life. 

You're like a hipster, but ew no let's not get labelly up in here. 

The braids are cute and the face is cute, but don't let it get to your head because you aren't the shit just because everyone wants to date you and everyone wants to be your friend despite the social anxiety.

And what the hell, you dated like three people because you didn't want to hurt their feelings? Don't you remember how it felt to find out that someone you seemed to sort of like didn't even have any attraction towards you?

Don't talk about people behind their backs dude, because that's not cool. People have legit feeling and you understand that and it makes you sick to your stomach when you hear people laughing behind you so why in the hell do you think it's okay to roll your eyes and gossip as one of your supposed 'best friends' who you actually care for walks past? What makes you think it's okay to laugh as one of your other friends who is right in front of you is being bitched about by one of your other friends? 

You don't fucking deserve everything you have, and you ask for more? You're a fake, vain, needy, whiny, bitchy fuck.

Please proceed to go fucking die because you're inconsiderate to everyone elses feeling and then you fucking flirt with a girl you broke up with because "oh, I'm not lesbian and I didn't want to hurt her feelings" when you know you perfer girls over boys and just want to maintain your status. 

Trust me, the ones you talk shit about are the ones you actually need in your life, not the ones who are probably talking shit about you at this very moment.

You have a fucking boyfriend, stop being a fucking slut because this is the year everyone loves you. 

You make me fucking sick, all I like is your music taste. 

-Yours Truly, Present Time Queen.