McPricely Oneshots (Book of Mormon)

Throw 'Em Back 'Til I Lose Count

A/N: This one is based on Chandelier by Sia. If y'all have any songs you want me to turn into a fic comment them and I'll see what I can do. Enjoy!

Kevin's POV:

They say guys like me can't get hurt. Guys who stay in sleazy bars every night and wake up the next morning in a stranger's bed with no memory of how they got there. I'm that guy. I get drunk every night off of cocktails and compliments, preening at the bar, waiting for a guy to notice me and pay for my drink. He asks me to go home with him, I tell him my price, I wake up in his bed with a wad of cash next to me. The cycle repeats.

I'm a regular here. Any guy who's anybody knows my name and my face. They tell newcomers that I'm the one to go to for a good time. I always deliver. My phone blows up with nameless and faceless guys asking me for more. They press sloppy, drunken kisses to my neck. I block it out. Close my eyes and try to ignore the suffocating stench of alcohol. Try to feel the love. That's what this is all about right? Feeling loved.

I push down more drinks. The room spins and I feel vomit rising in my throat. I keep going, desperate to forget the night before it even begins. I'll drink anything I can get my hands on. Just close my eyes, block my nose, and throw 'em back. Keep going until I lose count. Do anything I can to forget. I need to forget.

I do whatever I can to attract the guys who look like they pay higher. Whether that be dirty dancing on the dance floor, on the bar, on him. It always works. Those are the ones who are complete douchebags, leaving bruises and cuts and both mental and physical scars. But hey, I have to do whatever, or whoever I can to get my next meal. It's endless.

It wasn't always this way. It used to be fun. I used to have a normal day job, I didn't get paid for my "services". I had a family. Then it all fell apart. I used to live as if tomorrow wouldn't happen. I did whatever I wanted, so I'd have no regrets. Realistically I knew tomorrow would come. Now I'm not so sure. I'm barely holding on anymore. I tell myself this is the last time. I tell myself that every night. Maybe one day it'll be true.

The sun rises and I'm a mess. I silently steal out of their houses with my money, feeling nothing but shame. It builds and builds and builds. Now it's all I seem to feel.

There's a new guy tonight. He's shy and out-of-place and adorable. He keeps glancing my way, as if he wants to approach and strike up a conversation. I push every other guy away, hoping he'll work up the courage to come over. The clock hits 3am, the usual time I leave, and he's still staring. Guess I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

I wake up fully clothed. That hasn't happened in a long time. A glass of water and an aspirin sits on the table beside me, along with a note. 'Thought you might need these. I'm cooking breakfast. – Connor :)' I smell bacon and eggs wafting into the room. Flashes of last night burst through my mind. A shock of red hair, breaking down in a stranger's arms, fingers running through my hair, whispered comforts. Most of all, kindness. Something I'm not used to. To every other guy, I'm an object. Something they can use for pleasure and discard without care when they're done. Then they'll throw some money at me and go back to their daily lives. I can't do that, I don't have a choice. I can't wash away the scars left by phantom touches all over my body. I can't get rid of that feeling. Like I'm dirty. I wish I could.

I glance once more at the doorway, knowing that just beyond is a stranger who showed me kindness. I make my decision. I scrawl a hasty note and clamber out of a window, lingering briefly to watch as he re-enters the room. I don't miss the way his face crumples as he reads my words.

'Thank you for showing me a kindness that may have been small for you, but to me meant the world. Many others in your position would have shown me no mercy. The world could use more people like you. –Kevin.'