McPricely Oneshots (Book of Mormon)

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A/N: What is up folks, this one is based on Arms by Christina Perri. Hope you enjoy it.

Kevin's POV:

I was sure growing up I would live the life my parents planned for me. I'd be a doctor or a lawyer and get married and have kids who I'd raise Christian just like I was raised. Of course, I wasn't expecting him to show up with his red hair and bright eyes, shattering everything I thought I knew. But there he was, with that shining grin that melted my insides, and I never stood a chance.

The way he holds me in his arms, it's like magic. Like I'm home. For him, it would be so much easier if he let me go, to let me fall apart. That way he won't have to deal with all the baggage that comes with me. It's selfish to put him through that. But that feeling of being loved is addictive.

He says he wants me and I... I want to believe him, I really do. I want him too. But being with him means I have to open up. Opening up terrifies me. I wonder how long he'll let me continue this cruel back-and-forth. Do I let him in, show him the ugliest parts of me and pray he'll stay? Or do I lock my heart away, fortify my walls and let myself drown?

I pray that he sees through the façade I put up. Sees how hard I'm trying to be okay for him. I know I'm falling for him, and falling hard. I pray that he catches me, holds me close in that intoxicating way that he does, and tells me that he doesn't care about my demons that lie just beneath the surface. They can't touch us, or what we have. It's almost a shame I'll never let anyone that close. Least of all, him.

Everything is coming down on me at once. Every mistake, every stumble, every fall. The walls I built to keep them away is crumbling around me and it's all coming back. I feel sick. I know Connor wants to help, but this is why I push him away. It's all I can do. I don't know why he still loves me when all I do is shut him out. I never want to leave him. He's safe and warm and gentle. But if I stay away from him then I won't drag him down with me when my life inevitably becomes a blazing dumpster fire.

But then he holds me again and I couldn't dream of letting him go.

I've never opened up to anyone before. It terrifies me. The whole idea of laying my entire soul bare for him, even the darkest parts of me that I keep under lock and key, and hoping he still wants me, it makes me feel sick. Who would want me still, after seeing everything that comes with loving me? There are so many people who would be easier to love. I have too much baggage. It would be cruel to put him through that. And yet, I can't stay away. It's selfish, I know, but I've never loved anyone before Connor. When he holds me close and tells me he loves me no matter what. There's no other option for me. I stay.

And I'm home.