Welcome To My Brain

The Little Things Make the Most Difference

It's important to pay attention to what life has to offer. One little thing could change your life forever. This is what happened to me. Little did I know that watching that first episode of Gossip Girl would change my life forever. Once I got hooked on the show I became my nerdy self and decided to research the actors, you know like a normal person. This brought me to my introduction to The Pretty Reckless, which I instantly became hooked on. This, plus my recent obsession with Wattpad, brought me to Factory Girls , and other Taylor Momsen fan fiction. I quickly became attached to the story, finishing the first book in three days and the sequel the following day. I was so in love with the books that I decided to message the writer. When I didn't hear back I decided to message other fans of the story to see if they knew the writer, that is how I met her. One day I got a message back from one of the other fans. So we started talking, and talking, and next thing I know it is hours later. I found it very easy to talk to this girl and we actually had a lot in common. I was happy because now I had another great friend. We went on like this for a couple more days. Then one day she asks me, "Does it bother you that I am gay?" and I said of course not! Little did I know that this question would send the wheels rolling in my mind, a big change was coming. The more I talked, and got to know this girl, I started to notice a feeling I had never felt before. I only got this feeling with her, but I was straight, right? I didn't know, so I started to think about it, and think about it. I knew these feelings weren't those of a simply friendly manner, they were more. I had feelings for this girl. This really scared me because this was all so new to me. There was no way she felt the same way about me, I mean who would? It wouldn't matter anyway because we lived so far apart. So I told her about my discovery of my being gay, and she helped me really accept who I am. Through all of this my feelings only grew. So one day I told her that I might have feelings for her, she said she may have feelings for me too. I was so happy, but also scared because I didn't know what that meant then. So we continued to talk the entire summer whenever we had any free time. We kept growing closer every day, but we couldn't be together because of the distance even though it was what we both wanted. So we continued on in this together-but-not-really-together state. This is where we still are. It has now been a little over six months since we first started "talking". The distance stills sucks, but I hold on to the fact that I know that we will finally meet one day. Knowing that I am my happiest when I talk to her lets me know that this is worth fighting for, and that all of this will be worth it in the end. She truly has changed my life, in more ways than one. The obvious one being that I realized that I am gay, and I am completely fine with that. She also showed me that I am worthy of love, and that I am never alone. I will always have someone to talk to when I need help, or when I feel alone. I've found my safe haven. I don't have to be trapped in my own mind, like I so often am. I am still terrible at expressing myself but I am getting better. And to think, none of this would have ever happened if I hadn't pressed play that July night in Chicago. Life truly works in amazing ways. The small, seemingly meaningless things can be the things that change our lives the most.