Reckless Decisions of Youth

5

Joia Talia Geraldine

I think the worst thing a seventeen year old kid would experience is that seeing my own father having an affair while your mother is in the brink of death.

"Wala kang kwentang ama." Puno ng pait ang boses ko habang mag-isa kong naghihintay sa labas ng operating room.

I could still hear my mother's silent sobs late at night, her puffy eyes in the morning, her cold hands that hug me and her fake faint smile that greets me in the morning.

"No." My tears rolled in my cheeks without me realizing, my whole world fell when the doctor announced my mother's time and date of death, I could feel my heart literally break into thousand of small pieces.

"Hindi pwede!" My voice echoed inside the halls and I don't care what people think, my only hope and heart is now gone!

"Ma!" I cried on the top of my lungs while hugging my mother's cold body.

"Ma, please hwag mo gawin saakin to." Pagmamakaawa ko, hindi ko mapigilan tanungin siya kung bakir sa dami rami ng tao sa buong mundo, pucha ako pa napili niya!

The nurses tried to hold me as they take care of my mother's lifeless body, they assisted me back to the the hospital's hallway and there I was all alone in the hospital hall, I had no family who would comfort me, I had no friends whom I can cry on, I had no one. I was all by myself.

"Paano nalang kaya siya?"
"Grabe naman talaga!"
"Kawawa naman yung bata, wala pa ata siyang kamag-anak."

Iilan lang yan sa mga naririnig ko dito sa barangay namin pero hindi ako nagpakita ng ano mang reaction. I don't need their sympathy, I'm still alive and well. I can make it.

My mother's burial was simple, at that moment I had to force myself to settle hospital bills, the memorial plans, giving my mom a decent farewell because my useless father was nowhere to be seen. I had to force myself to grieve another day. Alone.

Our neighbors would help me with the guests and the house chores since I was too out of it, mostly was my mother's friends. Day by day was painful but thanks to my mother's small circle of friends I managed to get through the day.

"Joia, sagot lang ng school ang monthly allowance, tuition mo at mga libro.  Paano yan? itutuloy mo pa rin ba?" Tanong saakin ng principal namin bago niya ibigay saakin ang mga papel na nagpapatunay na isa akong ganap na scholor ng UST.

"Itutuloy ko pa rin ho." Bumuntong hininga siya, kita ko ang awa sakaniyang mata at kahit gusto kong magsalita pinigilan ko nalang ang sarili ko.

"Sa katapusan, sagot ng school ang pag punta niyong mga scholar sa manila. Dalhin mo na lahat ng pwede mong dalhin para maka-mura ka sa gastusin." Inabot niya saakin ang isang piraso ng papel.

"Subukan mong tawagan yan, malapit lang yan sa papasukan mong unibersidad at abot-kamay lang ang bayad ng bahay. Hwag ka mag-alala, kaibigan ko ang may-ari dyan." She gave me a faint smile and I willingly took the paper.

Sa sitwasyon ko hindi na dapat ako mag-inarte at wala ako sa lugar dahil sa mata nilang lahat nakakaawa ako.

Isang bata na iniwan ng ama para sa kabit niya at namatayan ng ina. Mag-isa nalang na haharap sa buhay, mag-isa nalang tatakbo sa isang malawak at walang kasiguraduhang buhay.